CincyFin

2 words I would have NEVER put together. Vacation was about spiking my orange juice in the morning and drinking all damn day. At about 2 1/2 years sober I have yet to take a vacation as a sober person. I have taken time off work and did things around the house but never a trip. The wife and I were talking about a vacation and it got me thinking...how can I do this? My wife drinks the occasional beer or glass of wine and it doesn't really bother me. I know the struggle I went through to become sober was a hell I don't want to repeat and I have become comfortable in my sober skin so to speak. But what would I do on vacation? Read books? Visit museums? My wife likes a beach vacation...I have no desire to lie on a beach. I spent 20 years in Florida near the beach and my idea of going to the beach is sitting at a beach bar drinking.
How have any of you vacationed as a sober person?

Skyhawker

I was way more active on my last vacation than previous ones. Mostly because I wasn't hung over, had anxiety or was too scared to do anything because I was drinking. Might be kind of hard if your idea of going to the beach is going to a beach bar. Maybe go for a walk and explore the different shops and stores instead? That's probably what I'd end up doing anyway....

fishkiller

If she wants to vacation at the beach maybe book a fishing trip while you are there.

Depending where you go there may be other activities like paragliding, sea plane or helicopter ride to see the sights most cant.

Congrats on 2.5 years. Keep the streak alive

ScottFromWI

Just like having a plan for sobriety, there's nothing wrong with making a plan for a sober vacation. Perhaps you and your wife could just make a list of the things you'd like to do or at least the location you'd like to visit. Once you know that you can search for local attractions/activities that you can participate in that don't involve ( or at least focus specifically on ) drinking. Alcohol is literally everywhere as they say, even where we are all sitting right now - so the only thing that's really different when you are on vacation is your mindset. Sure you will be in an unfamiliar situation/location, but the choices you will have to make in regards to staying sober are basically the same ones you would make today.

If you choose a location and book a hotel/resort, it's very likely that they will have a concierge to help you research all the activities available in surrounding areas. And frankly you can find a wealth of info on the internet too - reviews, recommendations, etc.

doggonecarl

I hope you can find a compromise that leads to an enjoyable vacation for the both of you.

Briansy

For me, as a golfer, I can make my vacation about golf. But if I didn't have that I have to think that hiking is a great one. it is a specific activity that you can do which A) gets the endorphins going / burns off a few calories B) gets you exposed to the prettier parts of the area you are going to and C) kills time doing something specific for X period of time. Doing a 3 hour hike in the middle of the day will really break the day up. If you are not out in the country, I think exploring a City on foot can achieve something of the same goal. You're out in the fresh air getting a colour and feeling good. Like you used to do when you were a kid.

I would say: choose the vacation location where there is a lot of cool and random "stuff" to do - little half day trips that don't have to be hiking but maybe involve you driving out of town to see, I don't know, like a botanical gardens, zoo, historical site etc.

Beach vacations sound like a disaster - why do people go away to places to just lie down all day. Surely your other half will understand your dilemma and compromise a bit? I'm sure there are beachy spots where there is a bit of variety so you can let her do that and you go off and do your own thing for a few hours.

It's tough isn't it. Sober vacations are a big stumbling block. For me, as someone who is single and spends a lot of time alone, it can feel weird going on vacation - previously that void was filled with alcohol. I suppose practice and experimentation is the only way to work out a winning formula.

Anna

I think that compromise is needed. Your wife likes to sit on a beach, but if you'd rather be more active, you could make that work. Maybe you could do something active together in the morning. Then, she could do the beach in the afternoon and you could do some snorkelling, boating, something like that?

ciowa

I haven't been on a sober vacation yet but I know some in my support group who have done this. One thing they do is to locate some type of local support group or at least check in online while they are away. That seems to work for some folks because it helps them maintain a connection to their sobriety despite what they are doing in a different place with new activities.

Zebra1275

I know the struggle I went through to become sober was a hell I don't want to repeat.

Start each day with some meditation, using the above information to plan your day. And let your wife know that you are worried, she might be a valuable partner in helping you to stay sober.

advbike

After about 6 months of sobriety, in 2014, I started traveling. I had retired early and really enjoy international travel and photography. I went to Southeast Asia first and found it all so vibrant and culturally fascinating that I didn't have a problem wanting to drink. I traveled to several countries in the region, got into a new relationship over there, made several visits, eventually rented my house and moved there for two years - and never touched a drop of alcohol the whole time. I had so much more energy and interest in things it was amazing. Ziplines, bicycling adventures, close calls, you name it. Not a drop of booze required. Not to say there weren't other issues and my ego went overboard sometimes, but I didn't need to drink over it. I was having too much fun.

So it's definitely possible.