Sadbutstrong

I want to first start by saying this forum has made me feel so much better about my situation and I commend every person in here for having the courage and the strength to talk about it, get help, etc it just feels me with so much joy. I never imagined that I would be in the place I am today. My husband and I are high school sweethearts we have six children together and were literally like best friends! He is kind, attentive, loving, funny UNTIL you introduce an alcoholic beverage into the mix. He hasn't always been this way and in the last I'll say 6-7 years it has gotten worse to the point he will drink I'll notice I'll fuss and he withdrawals and I mean a full withdrawal leaving our home for months on end. In 2019 he was gone for a nine month separation with little to no contact and then he came back things were going ok the drinking started again and now he is gone again with little to no contact. I know I should be done with this but it's hard as hell to detach when I have spent over half of my lifetime with him. I love him dearly and want my husband back the sober one who is such a ray of sunshine. Any suggestions will help any relatable stories will help I'm just trying to grasp on to something that makes sense.

doggonecarl

So sorry for what brings you here.

Sadly, your love for him will not get him sober. If he can leave you and the family for weeks or months at a time, it tells you value he places on alcohol and drinking. Or rather, it tells you the strength of the addiction. When he is ready to put recovery ahead of drinking, then maybe you will get the husband you know back.

Rockbottom1964

I'm so sorry, SBS. My wife left - and we divorced - 3 years ago, but I have to say, I don't think our situation was half as bad as yours sound. No disappearing acts, etc. Just neglect and choosing the drink above her and spending time together. In any way, am I right in saying it sounds like he is not even thinking of stopping drinking? It sure sounds as he knows what he prefers? Booze and not you? I got divorced at 55, with two grown kids and almost 30 years of marriage behind me; that's half-a-lifetime as well, but we have both moved on and I'm sure she is much happier today. Perhaps it's time you moved on as well. It doesn't sound as if you have much of a marriage in any way; just somewhere he can come to once he's had enough alcohol for a while. Until he doesn't come back at all and you find him in a morgue.
Sorry, but that's the short of it - for me, in any way.
Again - sorry for your heartache.
Corrie

fini

welcome, Sadbutstrong,
as far as relatable stories and suggestions, mine would be to connect with the people in the Friends and Family forums farther down the list.
hope that helps.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

ScottFromWI

Welcome SBS - and thank you for sharing. I do hope you are able to do some reading in the friends and family forum that was shared, you will find others that have been through some of the things you have as well.

As others have mentioned, most alcoholics need to make the decision to get sober on their own...there's very little you ( or anyone ) will be able to do until he's ready. That's not to say that he will never do that - many people do recover. But until that time, you need to find ways to take care of yourself, which it sounds like you are doing. As horrible as it sounds, he cares more about drinking than you our your family when he's actively drinking. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, but drinking is his #1 priority during these times. I never physically left my family, but I mentally checked out quite often and let my family down during those times. I didn't want to do it, and I did not intend to do it, but i did it...and it's something that will always follow me forever in some way.