flavinho

I can't stay sober for more than 2 days straight now, after I drink, I always put in my mind that it will be the last time.. WRONG, after 2 days I'm in the same dirty bar drinking again with other miserable people. It wasn't always like that, previously I even managed to stay sober for months, under a proper psychiatric treatment, but after I gained a lot weight and my self-steem declined, I really abandoned it all, and returned to this old detestable behavior. I feel myself like a slave and the bottle is my master, just like a magnet. Anybody else can share a similar story?<div><br></div><div><br></div>

Dee74

I can share a similar story about my drinking but what good is that really?

I used this place to stop - I was here everyday sometimes all day.

Others have used things like AA SMART or Lifering - those things are easier to access now because they are all online.
if you want to change you need to do different things I think?

D

doggonecarl

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Hawkeye13

If you are posting, it isn't lost.&nbsp; You can still win, just start again and make a better plan.<div><br></div><div>Posting here on SR, doing other things than going to the bar, changing your routine, exercise, etc.</div><div><br></div><div>All of these can help.&nbsp; What can you do today to get started?</div>

Gottalife

Flavinho, I can relate. I lost the battle and gave up the fight. The fight was to solve the problem without any help from outside, to do it on my terms. In the end I was surrounded by wreckage, all friends, family and job gone. Nowhere to live.

It was at this point I made an unconditional surrender, you might call it, I was willing to do anything to stop the misery. In my case the only thing left untried wads the spiritual path. Untried because I didn't understand it, and it looked a bit too disciplined for my taste. But as it was the last cab on the rank, I gave it 100% effort, and after one slip after three weeks, have been sober ever since.
I so relate to the decision to stop only lasting a couple of days. In many case where I made a genuine and firm decision to stay sober I was drinking again within hours. Absolute insanity. A lot of the time I didn't even remember taking the first drink, and it wasn't till around drink number three that I would remember I was not supposed to be drinking. We call it the obsession of the mind. No defense against that fatal first drink. But there is a solution if you ae willing to do what it takes..

Dee74

How are things flavinho?
D

anxiousrock

Please join me at AA! Its 24 hours a day with complete support, which is what we need during this time. It's not over yet.

flavinho

Just a quick update, I'm back on track again, but to be honest, the sobriety is the least of my problems, I have some much to do, and I'm not talking about money, to be frank, money is the least of my issues. My personal life is a mess, I always was an introvert, with just a tiny amont of loyal friends, but as time flies, my friends are now married and we no longer talk to each other since then. I'm completely living as a loner, and as humans, even for an introvert like myself, I need at least some human presence. I also have some health issues, such as depression, eating disorders and I currently I was also diagnosed with asperger syndrome. I always suspected that something was not right, this diagnostic wasn't really a shocking surprise.

ringoffire

Well I can empathize. Its especially tough for introverts, where even grocery shopping or being around people (not necessarily talking to them) gives you enough "human energy" to charge up and want to be alone again. I cannot comment on the health issues, but what I can comment is - walk. Take a walk. I know I know, its a total eye roll but if you are not on the exercise program, then try just a baby walk and build. I am 15 (maybe 16 or 17 days now...) into the world of sober (on again off again, but off forever now) and the one thing that is motivating me day-to-day is being excited to take a morning walk, and ride my bicycle. The endorphins and hormones you get with exercise is going to help with anxiety/depression, and stabilize the eating (it is doing wonders for me!). To get human interactions, as somebody suggested try online AA meetings or SMART meetings if you are not so much into the G.O.D.
Hope this helps!

BeckoningCat

I empathize with you flavinho. I am not a raging extrovert but I do need human support. I also have a background of abuse earlier in life so issues I already go to therapy for, and I have found that isolating myself even further just makes it worse. It's tempting to just shut myself away but it's a self-perpetuating cycle.
There was a time when I felt "in control" because my life was easier for a few years in LA. But there were tangible reasons for that. I had friends where I lived and had a regular yoga practice. I liked my work and made enough money do it, and got enough interaction with people 1-on-1 through doing my job and my living situation, that I didn't get terribly lonely very often even if I spent a lot of time alone. Drinking then wasn't as bad. I could go months then without a drink, especially if I was doing yoga and getting to the beach. It was a fun thing to do in restaurants or bars or on dates. I remember stopping at 2 or 3 glasses of a nice red.
Part of what kept me chained to the bottle was probably losing those support systems in order to go back to college, because I also left the city, and my life completely changed. I thought I was doing the right thing for myself, and I mean in many ways I was, but I wasn't prepared for the loneliness I would feel, wasn't proactive enough about putting support in place for myself, and my drinking got worse and became a nasty, lonely habit.

I agree with ringoffire that taking walks out doors really does help me to feel better or "snap out it." Maybe you could also try on-line meetings?
I wish you all the best.

Dee74

I understand the virus is pretty bad in Brazil so it may not be possible to get face to face contact daily - but online contact IMO runs a close second
D

uncle holmes

I was about as hopeless as could be with trying to stay sober! I eventually got and stayed sober with the AA and spiritual method and with the help of the book "Staying Sober: A guide to relapse prevention planning, by Terrence T. Gorski and Merlene Miller!
If you're not going to do the AA and the spiritual method, I would at least take a look at the Staying Sober book! It's not an AA book but rather a book describing exactly what the relapse prone alcoholic is going through and methods on how to interrupt and get longer lengths of sobriety!
This book literally saved my life and interrupted and lengthened my sobriety while adjusting to the AA and spiritual method!

doggonecarl

So you say. You keep drinking it will easily become the biggest problem. You aren't alone in being "alone" during a pandemic. Something a lot of people are having to deal with but it's out of their control. So focus on what you can control, which is your recovery.

Anna

You know that you always have friends here at SR who really do understand, so I hope that helps you to feel a bit less alone.

Stopping drinking doesn't fix everything in your life, but it's essential to stop drinking in order to begin to work on your issues.

svenissober

Hey flavinho,

I was there before. I am an introvert with depression and ADHD. But I'm sober thanks to AA. After getting sober I was much more able to deal with the other issues. I needed a support group because it is so much easier. BTW, the big book of AA speaks of exactly the loneliness that you and I are familiar with. It was a torture in my case.
Go the next AA meeting in Sao Paulo. I'm sure there are plenty there, just give it a try.

timi0000

Flavinho, don't give up. I can't tell you how many times I fell off the wagon and felt that I would never be free of my addiction. I'd like to share with you what really helped me. The 2 things that enabled me to drop my addiction: 1. turning my life over to my Higher Power 2. Becoming more loving and helpful towards people.

Everyday I reaffirm that I am giving my life over to God, that I want him to come into my life, that I want to have a relationship with Him.

Becoming more loving started by posting positive messages on post it notes and leaving them in bathrooms and other public places. And then everyday I think of what I can to help someone that day or make their life easier. It has produced amazing results for me.