crown86

Hi all,

I have not been on here in probably 10 years or so. When I came on here I found the Sinclair Method. Long story short it worked for me for a while but like any good alcoholic I stopped taking the pill and **** got bad as usual for the next 10 years. I'm 52 and decided it is time to hang the shot glass up for good with no gimmicks and BS - really quit.
I have all the usual bad **** alcoholics deal with happen - destroying relationships, run ins with the law (thank god and knock on wood never arrested), bad depression and crazy anxiety that only booze brings.
I was recently out of state taking care of an uncle in hospice for 2 months. I drank like a fish every damn day to cope. On plane ride back in first class I asked the stewardess for my 5th double and she cut me off. I was not rude or loud but gave her some quiet flack. Upon landing I was met by the police. All was good and I left. My GF of 15 years picked me up she was upset I was smashed and I did the usual verbal abuse and had her stop at the liquor store. Then when home and got hammered and more verbal abuse.
My GF had to leave for the next day for 10 days for work and was not speaking with me. After 2 more days of more crazy binge drinking I woke up on day 3 and said what the **** are you doing it's time get this liquid out of your life. The depression the anxiety the verbal abusive monster you have become has got to go. I thought if I continue I am going to get locked up or end up dead and lose everything good I have.

I have a very close friend who I used to drink with and he decided to quit 2 years ago. I always had admired him for quitting and told him I actually enjoy his company even more since he quit even when I was drinking. It's nice to have a friend to pick his brain on this. My plan is to continue to see an addiction counselor who I have been seeing for the last year - initially was to manage my drinking I'm sure most know how that worked out - work out and eat healthy and not drink.

Mentally I am feeling pretty good with reasoning for quitting. I am tired of my life revolving around alcohol. I have way more bad things occur than I can count and am extremely ashamed of than the fun of being buzzed up. I'm sick of being "that guy". I feel a real sense of relief knowing I cannot control the bottle. 1 drink ALWAYS leads to 20.

I did the juice diet thing 2 years ago for 62 days and quit drinking and smoking during it. After 3 weeks I felt amazing. Sleep was like high school days and depression and anxiety was gone. How long would you guys think until depression and anxiety goes away when not drinking?

Thanks and I am glad this site is still here.

BullDog777

Welcome back, I'm glad you're here.

How long does it take for the anxiety and depression to go away? Impossible to tell.

I almost died from my last relapse and was out 4+ years. When I finally got out of the hospital, I was in IOP for another 5-6 months and then did therapy.

Things get better incrementally . You'll have good days and bad, but if you mean to leave this behind you, even the bad days sober won't be s#it to how you felt out there.

After many many years of trying, this IS the easier way to life, no doubt.

If I were you, don't look for the day when "the anxiety and depression" is gone ...life the kind of life you don't have to be depressed and anxious about. The rest will take care of itself in time.

fini

".... don't look for the day when "the anxiety and depression" is gone ...life the kind of life you don't have to be depressed and anxious about."
yes.welcome back, crown86.
stick around.

Reid82

I registered here in 2014 but only started posting here the end of last year. I think we all come to a point when we know the jig is up! so to speak.

Keep seeing that addiction counselor and posting here too, good luck.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back Crown.

D

Obladi

Hi Crown!

I have baseline anxiety and depression that became unbearable while I was drinking. To be accurate, I didn't think I cared about it while drinking, but anytime I wasn't intoxicated in between it was wicked bad.

I haven't consumed alcohol for two months and the mental anguish has improved to low baseline. It's wonderful in a very quiet way. Not exciting but just... normal, I guess.

It's been a long slog for me, too. We can actually do this thing, you know.

I hope you'll be back today to tell us how you're getting on. One thing I know for certain is that talking about it with people who understand helps.

O

crown86

Day 3 here and it almost another one in the books alcohol free. It has been a rough couple days. The withdrawals are starting to fade thank god. My drinking escalated pretty high when taking care of my uncle. I was pounding 15 beers a day and 2-3 Whiskeys a night - my whiskey drink is probably a normal persons 3 or 4. I knew I was not going to be able to just stop cold turkey. In fact I tried and woke up sweating like pig and had the shakes. It was the first time in my life it was that bad and scared the **** out of me. So about 10 days ago I started to taper off with beer. I dumped all my whiskey in the house and went with 10 beers day 1, 9 beers the next, etc till I got down to 1 and done. The withdrawals have been nowhere near cold turkey and completely manageable.

I Really Appreciate the comments of BullDog777 and fini. You folks helped me a new spin on how to look at it. You folks are 100% correct. My focus in not on will this will end but rather a new way of life without anxiety and depression. The cool part for me is when I quit 2 years ago for couple months to do the juice diet thing I know how great I felt. I did the juice diet thing just see what it was like and drop a few pounds and get healthy. It was never about quitting drinking. In the end my goal was to eat 90% vegetarian and only drink Vodka - HA good old drunk logic. I was hitting 250lbs at the start and got down to my fighting weight of 195. I was working out and exercising everyday and DAMN I felt great. I guess the point is I know what is possible with a little hard work and a desire to change.

I am not even sure why this time it has hit me so darn hard that I have to quit. But deep inside I know it's time. It's very weird to me because I have been down the quitting road many times and have always failed at some point. I wanted to quit but it was always I wanted to quit for my relationship, I wanted to quit over some stupid crap I did drunk and said never again. But always in the back of my mind I had this voice saying what are you going to do at parties, camping fishing trips, when it summer time, hanging with neighbors etc. Those thought, as crazy as they sound were very real and created a ton of anxiety in me. I sure lots here can relate.

Knock on wood I don't have them this time around so far. God I am worried when they will creep up on me. I am sure the booze devil is not going to let say goodbye that easy or maybe he will. The cool part for me this time is I have 2 really good friends I hang out with a lot and know well who have quit. One friend for 2 years another for 11. Damn they are happy and I knew them both when they were drinking. My buddy who quit for 11 years was the one who told me a year ago when I asked for advice get and an addiction counselor which did a year ago. I told the counselor I wanted to learn to manage and he has helped me sift through a lot in my head and help me understand reasons why I drink to an extent. I sent an email to my counselor for our next phone/skype appointment it's time to kick booze to the curb.

My buddy who quit for 11 years said to me" You just got to be able to wrap your head around the fact you don't have to drink to have an awesome time. Life will become so much easier and you have to stick with the counselor for a while..2 years or so" Cool part for me is I have been seeing him for 1 year and it has helped. Can only imagine with alcohol and a commitment not to drink.

I started keeping a journal which I have never done. I started making a list of all the drunk incidences and being brutally honest with myself on them. I used to just laugh the crap off as well drunken ********. Writing it out I am actually super embarrassed and mortified. I used to call black-outs time travelling and if you can't remember it didn't happen. My other joke was hell who said being a functioning alcoholic is easy, people think it's all laughs and jokes and good times. It's not it is a self created hell on earth.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Hevyn

A self created hell on earth. Perfectly described. I'm glad you kept a journal - I wish I had. I hope that time won't erase the horrific memory of how it was in the end. I can never afford to go back there, it'll be the end of me.

I'm glad to meet you, Crown. I'm so happy you've decided to get free. Congrats on your Day 3.