Cellardweller

My girlfriend feels bad about having a glass of wine around me. I tell her she should do what she wants. She's never had any problems with alcohol.

I don't think she believes me when I tell her that seeing her with a glass of wine isn't going to make me want to drink. I've got some time in sober, not a ton, but some. I find the things that make me think about drinking come from inside; thoughts about things I'm not proud of, not living up to expectations, failure to live up to my potential, missed opportunities and 'could have beens'. The hardest things to deal with don't come from the outside all the time, but what goes on inside my head. I've been melancholy for a long time and wonder when life's 'shine' will come back.

Given that, I know drinking would make wrestling with those problems much harder. So I don't, but I still have to think through all those things. I hope you are all having a good weekend.

Stay strong and stay clear.

silentrun

Agreed. My problem would come in if I was left alone with whiskey. Even after 7 years, I'm sure it would trigger something inside of me and I'd end up eventually drinking it.

Other people drinking it has no effect on me.

Sunnyday13

I’m early in recovery. In past times of quitting, I told my husband I didn’t mind if he drank in the house. But this time, I want no alcohol around. Even though I am not going to drink again ever! I don’t right now want to look at it every day in the refrigerator. I’m ok with people drinking around me when I am out. I think it is different for all. I wish I could tell you when life’s shine will come back - it will - but as you know, drinking can only make things harder. Stay with your sobriety and come here to talk.

Stayingsassy

This quit, I didn’t allow my husband to keep his alcohol in the house. I moved all booze, wine glasses, shot glasses, mixers, stirrers, and the extensive wine collection to the garage. That was a couple years ago, now I can deal with a few glasses or a stray wine bottle here and there but the message is my home is NOT a bar and no longer will be.

Delilah1

My husband still drinks , which annoyed me a little when I first got sober, but four years into sobriety it doesn’t bother me anymore. I do tell him though that I think he’d feel better if he stopped drinking as well.

ZIP

Personally, I'm committed to sobriety. So, seeing others enjoying a beer or cocktail doesn't bother me. If a family member or friend stops by my home, they're welcome to bring their own alcoholic refreshments--as long as they take any leftovers when they depart.
They all know I don't drink...and I keep a dry house. It seems to work out fine for all.

NYCDoglvr

Ditto. Had a party for a close (non-alcoholic) friend and told guests to bring alcohol. When it was over my friend disposed of the left-overs. Works great, there's no way I'm going to buy or handle alcohol.

Reid82

It used to bother me one time seeing others drink. But after a bit of time, it's hasn't worried me now. The one thing I know I don't have to worry about other people, it's me that I need to focus on.

August252015

Honestly, it's crappy when people make a big deal and ask me if it's ok for them to drink. It's not in my world these days, and I also don't care what anyone else does. It creates an absolutely unnecessary conversation. I am fine telling people I'm sober and a short version of why, but many of us aren't.

And if it's a spouse or someone close to us, assuring them it's fine IF WE MEAN THAT, then letting it be their deal if they stew over it was my solution.

ciowa

Well, I tend not to go around drinkers too much but Im not one to lecture people either about alcohol. To each their own. The thing is back in my drinking days I didn't like being around drinking people if I was sober. If I went into a situation and other people were drunk I usually found them so intolerable that I would either leave or start drinking myself.

Devious0ne

I'm just now past a month sober, but I've found being around alcohol has had no affect on me and hasn't made me want to drink. I'm a die hard fan of all things horror, in my collection is a full, unopened bottle of wine that is The Walking Dead theme. I've had it for 2 years now, and bought it just because it being The Walking Dead theme.

My roommate is a KC Chief's fan and has a unopened bottle of vodka in which the bottle is KC Chiefs theme. I'm around both his bottle of vodka, and my wine all day long and doesn't bother me one bit.

Briansy

Gotta say, I thought I was fine with it, but that's changed a bit lately - any drinking "cues" are not good for me at this moment in time. Seeing wine glasses, smelling bars, seeing people drink beer in pint glasses as I'm walking by. All dangerous for me. I've tried to take myself away from all of that lately with no intention to relax that position until I'm rock solid. Which is fine as I kinda hate social situations anyway!

scaredikklegoth

Well done you! I'm on day one again and so tired of this merry-go-round. I just want alcohol to stop existing. It sounds like you're on the right path though as you've identified your triggers.

ScaredTexan

My wife still drinks. Honestly, I'm jealous of her ability to take it or leave it. I never had that. If I'm drinking, I'm doing it every night.

ZIP

Great idea to avoid it all.
It took me awhile to be able to go to restaurants with bars, because I was anxious in early recovery. Heck, I'd even avoid hotels with bars when traveling, because the bar was the first place I hit in my drinking days.
It gets easier....just takes awhile to get locked into that non-drinker mindset.

BackandScared

I (and many women I have read about) drank alone at home. I could not avoid my house, nor the existence of shops everywhere. I had to make a clear decision to stop drinking, not allowing any excuses. If I had gone down the path of not being able to stop temptation because it was my 'usual time/place' to drink I would have never stopped.

I guess it is nicer to be away from drinkers in general. Going to a place where people's main activity is to drink when you are using everything you got not to drink seems the equivalent to a decision to drink.

Alcohol has no power over us. It is a drink. It does not make its way to your mouth alone. I know it is not the same for everybody, but I had to accept full responsibility for my drinking and remove all excuses to make it happen. There were always lots of drinkers around me and very good reasons to drink otherwise.

By the way, since I quit drinking 7 months ago, I am surprised by how little people around me drink. I was looking for it before (unconsciously) and I am not now.

FBL

I live alone, so it's not really an issue for me.

I can be around others who are drinking and it doesn't bother me a bit. I can go to any social function (including a bar) and be fine with soda pop and/or water. When I surrendered for real, the obsession with alcohol was lifted from my life.

DaisyBelle7

I don’t mind seeing other people having alcohol. The weird thing for me is it scares me, for lack of a better word, to see people really drink - slurring their words, falling down, not making much sense. I wonder if that’s because that’s how I got and I see it as a past reflection of myself?? Anyway, if I see someone like that, I leave wherever I am. That hasn’t happened this time around, but has when I’ve been sober in the past. This time around I’m avoiding drinking situations that could get like that until I feel safer.

Tynesider22

When I'm out with friends, I tell them that "just because I'm not drinking, doesn't mean you can't", but "don't try to get me to have one".

I actually find for me this works better than people walking on eggshells every time I'm round.

On on my first sober Christmas I got told "I'm not going to have a drink in case it tempts you", which made me feel worse.

soberbythesea

I asked my bf, for the most part, not to drink around me when the two of us are alone together. I just don't see the need for it. Once in a blue moon he will have a glass of rye whiskey and I'm fine with that as I never drank that and it doesn't tempt me. In general, it means a lot to me that he's willing to abstain around me, and it helps me a lot not to have to deal with drinking in daily life (we live together).

If we're out with a bunch of other people, and they're drinking, I'm fine with him joining in as well because at that point it doesn't matter so much. Though I usually try to minimize my involvement in those situations.