Bars suck as ways to meet people (rant) - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 02-01-2020, 09:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Bars suck as ways to meet people (rant)


If you complain you're lacking friends, are single and want to meet new people, you'll be advised to 'get out more' which usually means hitting the bars. Bars are ****, but have merits which need to be transferred to sober situations.

Characteristics of good social opportunities
  • It's something regular
  • there's things to break the ice over
  • there's a core of regulars
  • people are open to talking to new people
  • New people come and go
  • You have opportunity to talk to new people

There are plenty of things that have these characteristics that are not bars.

Bars both share & lack in and have these characteristics. Meetings for recovery also have these characteristics, though some might be reluctant to attend due to being excessively formal, there isn't the 'drop-in' dynamic you get with coffee sops and bars. Solution; unstructured meet points that don't revolve around drinking, coffee shops, dance classes with social dancing (teenagers and skate parks, not suggesting such, but on 'drop-in' able dynamic).

Pubs and bars were not originally about alcohol, but about a meeting place for people to drop in, bump into the neighbours, alcohol being secondary not primary (unlike modern bars).

Why modern clubby style bars SUCK
They're focused on drinking and shifting pints as quickly as a possible, there's lack of places to sit, you can't go to them alone and bump into t people you know. They know high perentage of people standing=more alcohol sales. They don't give a ****.

They're fuelling alcoholism through their 'vertical drinking' business models.

Stop all this 'straight and narrow' nonsense. Think about how we can create better communities. The bar was not about alcohol it was about connection, an informal meeting place. Lets have a brainstorm as to how to improve Anglo-America.
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Old 02-02-2020, 07:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
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With the rise in the price of drink, bars have become spaces for middle and upper middle class social gesturing. Being out in public, yet private. A borderline, or, narcissistic way of attention seeking. I.E. I am here in public, but talking to me is a breach, establishes a dramatic relationship.
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Old 02-02-2020, 08:43 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I would say maybe family friendly social clubs are the way forward?
No alcohol to be served,

No loud music,

Fun activities for both adults and children,

A safe place for adults and children,

An emphasis on learning and having fun as opposed to just "Having a good time".

Basically a place that can inspire people to be the best they can and not just talking crap and making a fool of themselves, being disruptive to others or putting themselves or others in danger.

We have to stop this whole " Quick, cheap thrills" approach culture. It does nothing good in the long run and only a masochist would be fully embracing to it.

Let's face it, there is a lot of misery in this world and for some reason we seem to blott it out instead of empowering ourselves and facing up and improving things.
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Old 02-02-2020, 09:25 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Have been saying this a long time also- bars absolutely suck for meeting people in.

At least when we were kids, we would put a party on in them first and everyone would come along then.

If it wasnt someone's birthday, we would just make one up.

I never did that part, but it was a clever ruse to get a sound-system in the place.

As for meeting people IRL @ middle age? I dunno. Answers on a postcard....

eta: Oh yeah, and I popped my head into the local drinkers bar today looking for someone.

Would need to have been drinking for days before I could enjoy a drink in there.

I have known this already for all of my adult life though.

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Old 02-02-2020, 09:44 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Bars are just what you know.

Find a climbing gym. Trust me on this.
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Old 02-02-2020, 02:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Old 02-03-2020, 07:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi again, I totally agree with everything that's being said. Bars are not meeting places, they're a way for people to (dysfunctionally) show off their narcissism. They are not meeting places.

@ johntrevy
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Basically a place that can inspire people to be the best they can and not just talking crap and making a fool of themselves, being disruptive to others or putting themselves or others in danger.

We have to stop this whole " Quick, cheap thrills" approach culture. It does nothing good in the long run and only a masochist would be fully embracing to it.
You hit the nail on the head as to why we have a an alcoholism epidemic in Anglo-America (and other parts of western Europe).
Certainly a lot of people I've met in bars are not there to be social & meet new people, but there to self-medicate (maybe the poor buggers don't know any other social opportunities?).

@spacegoat
As for meeting people bars SUCK! They are the WORST places for meeting people in for many of the reasons highlighted. I was sick and tired of them when I was 24 used to turn down nights out. I'm thinking those thoughts I had then.

Only reason I go to them (I hope my friends don't see this (might wake them up is they do)) is that I don't have other groups of friends to hang out with in the day, go coffee with, go walking, biking, swimming (when weather is better), have jams with. Might drop a rant about that soon.
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