MyLittleHorsie

My area of expertise is forensic accounting, I dissect companies. I took one on in December, all the meat and potatoes I love, lawsuits, government problems, all the people I like arguing with.
I will return to their offices Tuesday, over half the staff will no longer be there, the owner will lose his home, his marriage and if he is lucky, the tax lawyer who works for and with me, will keep him out of jail.

All I could think of was the nights I would deliver bad news to clients, the days when I would go to court and have longer **** competitions with opposing counsels and the fact it was always a reason to drink. I remembered the whole act, buying the bottle, opening it, drinking at the kitchen table, then going to my office, crying and drinking there. I do feel bad sometimes for the things I unearth, sometimes it runs lives, sometimes I like the people. (smile)

I didn't drink, I went to a big box store, l needed tent pegs, we are away this weekend and boxed cereal for the kids, now I am stirring the bubbles out of a diet Pepsi and putting off throwing my overnight bag together. I like that instead of numbing what I felt, I dealt with it. It is almost like the stages of grief, what I go through in these situations.

Growth and change, arms wide open.

fini

“I like that instead of numbing what I felt, I dealt with it. ”

Wholesome

I know what you mean. It's one thing to quit when life is easy, and another when life is hard. Especially when you've been numbing your feelings for a couple of decades.

I've had rough 2019, I feel sometimes like someone put a curse on me, or something. But no matter how awful I've felt, I've forced myself to sit with it or find alternative ways to deal. I'm doing yoga, and meditating, and going for long long walks with my dog. I even went to a few AA meetings. I write lists of what I need to do and make myself do the things I want to do least, first. I have cried more in the last 6 months than I have in all the years leading up to it. It's like all the armor and defenses are coming down and underneath it is all this sorrow and pain. I can feel that it's healing and necessary, so I'm trying to just surrender and trust the process and just let myself purge it all out.

Grymt

I'm impressed. I'm also inclined to challenge. What happens to the willingness to grow when the **** hits the fan on a personal level. Life inevitably throws weird curve balls. It's a good idea to anticipate those and work in some coping strategies into an already well developed life.

I keep coming back to the value of renunciation. Can't

Grymt

I'm impressed. I'm also inclined to challenge. What to do when life throws one of those, inevitable, weird curve balls that hit you right in the guts.?

I think it's possible to prepare for that in a wholesome way. Renounciation. Letting go of something precious. Giving until it hurts. Something simple like once a month volunteering in a soup kitchen. Once a momth entirely funding a feast in a soup kitchen. Selecting something really nice and wanted from ones things and with no expectations, no strings, giving it to some stranger who looks like needing it. Something like that that helps to sever attachment..?

Dropsie

I love this: I write lists of what I need to do and make myself do the things I want to do least, first.

I understand your feelings, I am a lawyer and logistically I know they do it to themselves, but it still hurts to see their pain.

Enjoy the trip.