Very ill
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 36
Very ill
As my recent post history will attest, I’m very ill. I’ve been drinking for a long time and I cannot stop. So far it’s cost me nothing of note however I feel I’m now on the cusp of losing everyone.
I’m 34 years old. Im physically active, I go to the gym at least 5 times a week, but I look 40 at best. The lines on my face, they tell a story, a story of pain I’ve felt from childhood.
Its mmy daughter’s 3rd birthday tomorrow yet all I can think of is a way out. I love my kids so much yet feel like such a massive burden. I’m worried that whether I’m here or not I’m setting them up to follow in my own footsteps.
I don’t want that.
Im successful. I’m wealthy. I can provide my family with everything they need. But I’m ******. When I try to stop drinking it’s judt excruciating. 8 hours is too much. 24 hours is unbearable. It’s gone too far not.
I’m hammered as I post. I don’t know what to do. Doom is all I feel. I don’t know how to move away from this position.
I’m 34 years old. Im physically active, I go to the gym at least 5 times a week, but I look 40 at best. The lines on my face, they tell a story, a story of pain I’ve felt from childhood.
Its mmy daughter’s 3rd birthday tomorrow yet all I can think of is a way out. I love my kids so much yet feel like such a massive burden. I’m worried that whether I’m here or not I’m setting them up to follow in my own footsteps.
I don’t want that.
Im successful. I’m wealthy. I can provide my family with everything they need. But I’m ******. When I try to stop drinking it’s judt excruciating. 8 hours is too much. 24 hours is unbearable. It’s gone too far not.
I’m hammered as I post. I don’t know what to do. Doom is all I feel. I don’t know how to move away from this position.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
JPA,
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I've been there and it's a desperate and lonely place.
You probably need some imposed time away from the alcohol. Is there any reason you couldn't go to rehab? I know there are plenty of reasons you probably don't want to, but really, any reasons you absolutely can't do the thing that might be needed to save yourself?
O
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I've been there and it's a desperate and lonely place.
You probably need some imposed time away from the alcohol. Is there any reason you couldn't go to rehab? I know there are plenty of reasons you probably don't want to, but really, any reasons you absolutely can't do the thing that might be needed to save yourself?
O
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,575
Hi JPA. I remember feeling that miserable & desperate too. I knew I couldn't go on living that way. It was never fun or relaxing. I hope you will reclaim your life & seek help to get sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by JPA 
As my recent post history will attest, I’m very ill. I’ve been drinking for a long time and I cannot stop. So far it’s cost me nothing of note however I feel I’m now on the cusp of losing everyone.
I’m 34 years old. Im physically active, I go to the gym at least 5 times a week, but I look 40 at best. The lines on my face, they tell a story, a story of pain I’ve felt from childhood.
Its mmy daughter’s 3rd birthday tomorrow yet all I can think of is a way out. I love my kids so much yet feel like such a massive burden. I’m worried that whether I’m here or not I’m setting them up to follow in my own footsteps.
I don’t want that.
Im successful. I’m wealthy. I can provide my family with everything they need. But I’m ******. When I try to stop drinking it’s judt excruciating. 8 hours is too much. 24 hours is unbearable. It’s gone too far not.
I’m hammered as I post. I don’t know what to do. Doom is all I feel. I don’t know how to move away from this position.
I’m 34 years old. Im physically active, I go to the gym at least 5 times a week, but I look 40 at best. The lines on my face, they tell a story, a story of pain I’ve felt from childhood.
Its mmy daughter’s 3rd birthday tomorrow yet all I can think of is a way out. I love my kids so much yet feel like such a massive burden. I’m worried that whether I’m here or not I’m setting them up to follow in my own footsteps.
I don’t want that.
Im successful. I’m wealthy. I can provide my family with everything they need. But I’m ******. When I try to stop drinking it’s judt excruciating. 8 hours is too much. 24 hours is unbearable. It’s gone too far not.
I’m hammered as I post. I don’t know what to do. Doom is all I feel. I don’t know how to move away from this position.
I did.
My life today is incomparable to the garbage existence I endured for way too many years drunk.
Let us know what we can do to help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Hi JPA,
As far as I know, there's only one solution for alcoholism, and that's life long abstinence. It's the only cure. It's an adjustment at first, and like others have said, you may need detox to get you through the beginning, but it's so worth it. Even my worst days sober are infinitely better than my drinking days.
You deserve a life free of your self imposed prison. You can do it.
As far as I know, there's only one solution for alcoholism, and that's life long abstinence. It's the only cure. It's an adjustment at first, and like others have said, you may need detox to get you through the beginning, but it's so worth it. Even my worst days sober are infinitely better than my drinking days.
You deserve a life free of your self imposed prison. You can do it.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,041
My Mantra "When the pain gets worse than the fear, we will change"
Is the pain for your situation, worse than your fear of living sober?
I was scared before I first got into recovery that I would not be able to live, or function, or have fun sober. I mean really, without Alcohol, would anyone like me, would I like myself? Who was I anyway? None of that mattered, by the time I quit for good, I had lost everything and everyone of importance and value.
You are very fortunate at this point, you still have a family, an income, youth etc. Make no mistake though, an Alcoholic who is not sober will eventually lose all of those things over time. The only solution for an Alcoholic is to stop completely. It will suck at first, detoxing is HORRIBLE. The good news is, it gets better every day.....and you only have to do it once......unless you drink again. (I went through it several times, the last one was the WORST, it is that memory that helps me stay sober. I pray I never forget that feeling)
As for your Children following in your footsteps, I can't think of a better example to set than showing them it is possible to overcome anything. To show them that no matter how hard it seems, with hard work and perseverance, you can overcome even the most difficult things life throws you.
The fact that you want to avoid your Child's Birthday because of alcohol should speak volumes, it is not them you need to avoid, it is Alcohol. You have a choice, it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
So, is the pain worse than the fear yet? Are you ready to start living and stop existing in a world you are running from? Only you can answer, but I can tell you from experience, life is so much better without Alcohol running the show.
Hugs, Cathy
Is the pain for your situation, worse than your fear of living sober?
I was scared before I first got into recovery that I would not be able to live, or function, or have fun sober. I mean really, without Alcohol, would anyone like me, would I like myself? Who was I anyway? None of that mattered, by the time I quit for good, I had lost everything and everyone of importance and value.
You are very fortunate at this point, you still have a family, an income, youth etc. Make no mistake though, an Alcoholic who is not sober will eventually lose all of those things over time. The only solution for an Alcoholic is to stop completely. It will suck at first, detoxing is HORRIBLE. The good news is, it gets better every day.....and you only have to do it once......unless you drink again. (I went through it several times, the last one was the WORST, it is that memory that helps me stay sober. I pray I never forget that feeling)
As for your Children following in your footsteps, I can't think of a better example to set than showing them it is possible to overcome anything. To show them that no matter how hard it seems, with hard work and perseverance, you can overcome even the most difficult things life throws you.
The fact that you want to avoid your Child's Birthday because of alcohol should speak volumes, it is not them you need to avoid, it is Alcohol. You have a choice, it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
So, is the pain worse than the fear yet? Are you ready to start living and stop existing in a world you are running from? Only you can answer, but I can tell you from experience, life is so much better without Alcohol running the show.
Hugs, Cathy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 104
Hi JPA
I was about the your age when I gave up and my daughter was also a toddler. I didn’t do any exercise when I was was drinking but took up running as part of my recovery. My daughter has grown up in the intervening 25 and has never drunk alocohol. We ran a 10k together yesterday and came back for lunch with us. Afterwards I was reflecting on what a happy morning it was, and on the other things - marathons, triathlons - we have done together over the years or turned up to support each other. This simply would have been unimaginable when I was at the low point of drinking in my early 30s. I stopped because I had no choice, my family was the only thing more important to me than drink - but it really did open up a new world which I enjoyed with my daughter as she grew up and still do now she is an adult. I hope very much you find your way, everyone here will support....
I was about the your age when I gave up and my daughter was also a toddler. I didn’t do any exercise when I was was drinking but took up running as part of my recovery. My daughter has grown up in the intervening 25 and has never drunk alocohol. We ran a 10k together yesterday and came back for lunch with us. Afterwards I was reflecting on what a happy morning it was, and on the other things - marathons, triathlons - we have done together over the years or turned up to support each other. This simply would have been unimaginable when I was at the low point of drinking in my early 30s. I stopped because I had no choice, my family was the only thing more important to me than drink - but it really did open up a new world which I enjoyed with my daughter as she grew up and still do now she is an adult. I hope very much you find your way, everyone here will support....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi JPA, I’m glad you’re here, that means you want to stop drinking, you just haven’t figured out the how yet. Since you have the money rehab sounds like a great place to get some sober time under you. I know it seems impossible, but you can get sober, it is actually quite simple. Not at all easy, but simple.
Sobriety is the best gift I’ve ever received. Getting through the early days is so worth it for what’s on the other side. You can do this!
Sobriety is the best gift I’ve ever received. Getting through the early days is so worth it for what’s on the other side. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Hello and yeah I sense that you are on the verge of going thru the sick and tired of being sick and tired syndrome. And that's good. And that you posted here. The seed is planted if you will. Not its time to feed that seed. And that takes work. Like others said hey if you can afford a rehab stint do so. Could save your life. Its not recommended. To go cold turkey. Push came to shove for me so that's the route I took cold turkey. Thru the grace of my higher power I made it thru the horrible withdrawals . so that is stuck in my memory bank. And used when the av starts waking up. I just play that tape. I am on day 92 . and believe me if I could bring everybody to my day count just so you get a glimpse of what this feels like I would. I would put alot of smiles on folks faces. But let me tell you there is hope. Dont give up. Give this sober thing a try. And with that I'll keep coming back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 36
Not great. Just when things seem to be getting better, they suddenly get worse. At this moment, I’m not ready to quit but my plan is to attend an AA meeting, talk about my experience and go from there.
Assuming I’m allowed to do that while still drinking?
Assuming I’m allowed to do that while still drinking?
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
The only requirement for a member of AA is a desire to stop drinking. I'd suggest going to open discussion meetings to start. I'd say it is in bad form if you go and just talk about your experience drinking - ie drunkalogues, war stories, whatever you want to call it. The point of sharing in AA has three parts: Experience (E - what it was like then); Strength (S- what happened to make you change and get sober) and the most important part, Hope (H - what you have found living sober). You can't have S and H if you are stuck in E.
To actually work the program and get its platform initiated for you, you have to stop drinking. Otherwise, you're spending time possibly learning things but not starting a new way of engaging with the world.
To actually work the program and get its platform initiated for you, you have to stop drinking. Otherwise, you're spending time possibly learning things but not starting a new way of engaging with the world.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I got sober at 36. Had that fancy job, nice apartment, the ability to travel the world and a great group of friends....unfortunately that stuff can all go away. Fast. Took me less than a year to squander all of that and more.
You're probably posting because you're worried about your health. The future of your relationships. Somewhere deep down you might even be asking yourself "how can I keep getting away with this lifestyle?" - your instincts are spot on, man.
I ended up in rehab and started a new career after I got out. I know it's scary to even ponder the thought - but maybe at least experiment with a few real-life support groups and do some serious thinking about how you're going to beat this thing. Most of us didn't do it without some major help. Follow your instincts and find a way into a recovery program. You'll be happy you did - and while it won't seem like it at the time, it's the best financial and emotional investment you'll ever make.
You're probably posting because you're worried about your health. The future of your relationships. Somewhere deep down you might even be asking yourself "how can I keep getting away with this lifestyle?" - your instincts are spot on, man.
I ended up in rehab and started a new career after I got out. I know it's scary to even ponder the thought - but maybe at least experiment with a few real-life support groups and do some serious thinking about how you're going to beat this thing. Most of us didn't do it without some major help. Follow your instincts and find a way into a recovery program. You'll be happy you did - and while it won't seem like it at the time, it's the best financial and emotional investment you'll ever make.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by JPA
Not great. Just when things seem to be getting better, they suddenly get worse. At this moment, I’m not ready to quit but my plan is to attend an AA meeting, talk about my experience and go from there.
Assuming I’m allowed to do that while still drinking?
Assuming I’m allowed to do that while still drinking?
The point is this: nobody can make you want to get sober, and nobody can do the work for you to get and stay that way. I can say this: sobriety is so much more than I ever expected. I was not able to get sober on my own, so I went to a 6 week inpatient rehab, and followed that up by making AA a part of my daily routine. I am now approaching ten years sober. You can do this, but you have to take the first steps.
Nothing changes if nothing changes... the ball is in your court.
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
At least you are coming to SR and admitting you are powerless over alcohol. Now you need the time away from it - going to inpatient rehab is the best way to do that if you can. I needed medical intervention or there is no way I could be where I am today (2 years 2 months sober). I was really concerned that I would become cross addicted to the meds that I was being given for withdrawal from alcohol but that never happened. I had to remove alcohol from my life and do whatever was necessary to make it through each day, one day at a time. It was too much for me at first to say never again, but Not Today Satan got me through quite a few 24 hours.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
membership or a desire to stop drinking is not a requirement for attending an open AA meeting.
there is no requirement whatsoever if you want to attend.
the concept of being not disruptive...yeah, that would be good and appreciated
there is no requirement whatsoever if you want to attend.
the concept of being not disruptive...yeah, that would be good and appreciated
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