Offended by comments... don't be :)
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 185
Offended by comments... don't be :)
When I was in my first few days of sobriety, I posted a couple things and was really offended by the comments. Not offended so much as hurt. I've seen that happen a couple times recently, and it made me sad, because I've come to understand that no one here intends any offense or harm.
I was hurt because I was raw, sensitive, angry, defensive, and didn't want be an alcoholic.... not because the poster was saying anything hurtful.
August alluded to this in a recent thread, and I was so glad she did... (I am not quoting directly, but it was something like this) when she said the beginning of sobriety makes us so sensitive and it's easy to miss the message the supportive folks at SR are giving.
It's a good reminder. SR is a place of support and if someone offers a reply or suggestion, it's pretty much a guarantee that it's a helpful suggestion. The key is in receiving it.
Just wanted to say that. Sobriety offers so many chances to learn really important stuff about getting along in this world.
And thanks, August!
I was hurt because I was raw, sensitive, angry, defensive, and didn't want be an alcoholic.... not because the poster was saying anything hurtful.
August alluded to this in a recent thread, and I was so glad she did... (I am not quoting directly, but it was something like this) when she said the beginning of sobriety makes us so sensitive and it's easy to miss the message the supportive folks at SR are giving.
It's a good reminder. SR is a place of support and if someone offers a reply or suggestion, it's pretty much a guarantee that it's a helpful suggestion. The key is in receiving it.
Just wanted to say that. Sobriety offers so many chances to learn really important stuff about getting along in this world.
And thanks, August!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Sure, friend- glad it struck you as helpful!
Early sobriety....or right before we quit....sheesh. I was mad at everything even though I knew deep (deeeep) down that I had to quit, and wanted to despite the terror.
And something I've learned- and this is something I have to intuit about how to use it with others (and online is harder than, say, reading my sponsee face to face) - is that sometimes the gentle "we're so glad you're here" type response is the way to go (and what someone wants to hear) and sometimes....the "this will kill you if you don't stop" harsh reality is more appropriate.
I didn't want to hear the (everything) that everyone was right about as far as me being an alcoholic, needing to quit, what it would take, on and on. But I had to.
Seeking comfort and gentleness ONLY can be fatal. Realizing that the same messages of truth applied to me just like so many people trying to help me, and that my anger or resistance and mental "dislike" meant that I had the problem.
Early sobriety....or right before we quit....sheesh. I was mad at everything even though I knew deep (deeeep) down that I had to quit, and wanted to despite the terror.
And something I've learned- and this is something I have to intuit about how to use it with others (and online is harder than, say, reading my sponsee face to face) - is that sometimes the gentle "we're so glad you're here" type response is the way to go (and what someone wants to hear) and sometimes....the "this will kill you if you don't stop" harsh reality is more appropriate.
I didn't want to hear the (everything) that everyone was right about as far as me being an alcoholic, needing to quit, what it would take, on and on. But I had to.
Seeking comfort and gentleness ONLY can be fatal. Realizing that the same messages of truth applied to me just like so many people trying to help me, and that my anger or resistance and mental "dislike" meant that I had the problem.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Before SR I was part of a forum that was, ehem, a bit on the rough side. And I was rough too. And I'd never been online before so I didn't know how to put anything into context. I mean, I lost sleep over feuds. I got real life angry about posts. I was an emotional mess at times because of 'stuff' on the forum. Dee posted a cartoon referring to this....a guy who couldn't come to bed because he was busy straightening someone out on line. Ha! that was me.
There were some great people on that forum. One is here that I know of....I 'knew' him by his writing style. Funny huh? I made an actual f2f friend on that forum.
There were a couple of men on that forum that had the ability to enrage people, including myself, the likes I've not seen since. But they were wise. And some of the stuff I learned there was absolutely pivotal for me.
I learned that often the posts that cut the deepest are the most true. I learned that I don't have to emotionally respond to anything, I choose to. I started to learn to accept and own my own bs.
Listen to the tough stuff. Ask yourself, why am I reacting emotionally? Probably because the old saying is true : The truth hurts.
There were some great people on that forum. One is here that I know of....I 'knew' him by his writing style. Funny huh? I made an actual f2f friend on that forum.
There were a couple of men on that forum that had the ability to enrage people, including myself, the likes I've not seen since. But they were wise. And some of the stuff I learned there was absolutely pivotal for me.
I learned that often the posts that cut the deepest are the most true. I learned that I don't have to emotionally respond to anything, I choose to. I started to learn to accept and own my own bs.
Listen to the tough stuff. Ask yourself, why am I reacting emotionally? Probably because the old saying is true : The truth hurts.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well yeah, the truth hurts but early sobriety is like living with no skin, too. In that first month if anyone even said the word, "You," to me I freaked out.
I didn't have a big problem quitting drinking once I made the decision. I readily admitted I had a problem with alcohol and that it was time to stop. So maybe those things make me not a very effective poster to people who haven't made that connection in their heads yet.
Doesn't matter. Quitting drinking is about putting down the drink. Full Stop.
All the other internal chatter dies down with some time AFTER that.
They say in AA that the 12 Steps [for recovery] are in order for a reason.
Step One is the one that is about admitting defeat. Gotta start there.
I didn't have a big problem quitting drinking once I made the decision. I readily admitted I had a problem with alcohol and that it was time to stop. So maybe those things make me not a very effective poster to people who haven't made that connection in their heads yet.
Doesn't matter. Quitting drinking is about putting down the drink. Full Stop.
All the other internal chatter dies down with some time AFTER that.
They say in AA that the 12 Steps [for recovery] are in order for a reason.
Step One is the one that is about admitting defeat. Gotta start there.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I am often a tough love poster, and many active drinkers have disliked me for it...sometimes vociferously. Sometimes I’m sure I speak from experience; and it’s heated and emotional because I am passionate about this...rather than speaking like an alcohol counselor, which I am not. I am honest in life also, I just don’t mince words. My dad was blunt to a fault and so am I.
I remember as drinker, despite being blunt then also, I was offended by everything. I would get angry at my husband for calling out my alcohol abuse, I’d get angry when people called out my personal chaos, my immaturity, my inner sickness. I needed to be ok so I could keep drinking, and anyone’s mention of anything hinting that I was not perfectly ok and functioning fine simply set off my addiction. Threatening the addiction leads to anger.
I will always post this way. Again: I post here, I do not do this for a living. I post here for me. I post honestly for me. This is my recovery vehicle. The posts I put out are as much for me, as they are for the person I am responding to. My blunt honesty is for the maintenance of my own sobriety, which I treasure above everything in my life, because without it I have nothing.
I remember as drinker, despite being blunt then also, I was offended by everything. I would get angry at my husband for calling out my alcohol abuse, I’d get angry when people called out my personal chaos, my immaturity, my inner sickness. I needed to be ok so I could keep drinking, and anyone’s mention of anything hinting that I was not perfectly ok and functioning fine simply set off my addiction. Threatening the addiction leads to anger.
I will always post this way. Again: I post here, I do not do this for a living. I post here for me. I post honestly for me. This is my recovery vehicle. The posts I put out are as much for me, as they are for the person I am responding to. My blunt honesty is for the maintenance of my own sobriety, which I treasure above everything in my life, because without it I have nothing.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 132
That happened me three times
post number 1. I said Abilify injections gave me back my off switch...I got torn apart
post number 2 I said I was an episodic alcoholic.. in the mental health forum .I got shredded for my use of language
Post number 3 I posted a shreudenfraude post..still visible on the alcoholic section...the same suspects jumped in to shred it.
WHY BOTHER?
I suppose its because of the people you can talk to. This is an international forum with all sorts of alcoholics. You might be able to get on the same wavelength as someone if not everyone.
post number 1. I said Abilify injections gave me back my off switch...I got torn apart
post number 2 I said I was an episodic alcoholic.. in the mental health forum .I got shredded for my use of language
Post number 3 I posted a shreudenfraude post..still visible on the alcoholic section...the same suspects jumped in to shred it.
WHY BOTHER?
I suppose its because of the people you can talk to. This is an international forum with all sorts of alcoholics. You might be able to get on the same wavelength as someone if not everyone.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by entropy1964 
Before SR I was part of a forum that was, ehem, a bit on the rough side. And I was rough too. And I'd never been online before so I didn't know how to put anything into context. I mean, I lost sleep over feuds. I got real life angry about posts. I was an emotional mess at times because of 'stuff' on the forum. Dee posted a cartoon referring to this....a guy who couldn't come to bed because he was busy straightening someone out on line. Ha! that was me.
There were some great people on that forum. One is here that I know of....I 'knew' him by his writing style. Funny huh? I made an actual f2f friend on that forum.
There were a couple of men on that forum that had the ability to enrage people, including myself, the likes I've not seen since. But they were wise. And some of the stuff I learned there was absolutely pivotal for me.
I learned that often the posts that cut the deepest are the most true. I learned that I don't have to emotionally respond to anything, I choose to. I started to learn to accept and own my own bs.
Listen to the tough stuff. Ask yourself, why am I reacting emotionally? Probably because the old saying is true : The truth hurts.
There were some great people on that forum. One is here that I know of....I 'knew' him by his writing style. Funny huh? I made an actual f2f friend on that forum.
There were a couple of men on that forum that had the ability to enrage people, including myself, the likes I've not seen since. But they were wise. And some of the stuff I learned there was absolutely pivotal for me.
I learned that often the posts that cut the deepest are the most true. I learned that I don't have to emotionally respond to anything, I choose to. I started to learn to accept and own my own bs.
Listen to the tough stuff. Ask yourself, why am I reacting emotionally? Probably because the old saying is true : The truth hurts.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
For me it boils down to intent. Did someone post something I did not like? Well what's their intent? At least on this forum I have concluded that almost everyone and certainly all of the regulars here have good positive intentions.
We are not going to agree on everything.
We are not going to agree on everything.
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Good morning. The way I look at it is. The person is just keeping it real. Feel me. No need to sugar coat it. We are all sick in one form or another and in different stages of recovery. I am on day 55 today. And loving it .. Iwndwyt
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