Wil76

I am currently 9 months sober after 20 years of binge drinking. My last binge landed me in hospital and I have sober since. There has been some tough times through this but on the whole it has been ok.
That is up to this week, I had reconnected with an old female friend and she had been helping me pick furniture etc for my house and things were great. The thing is we used to all belong to a group who all loved partying and getting high, she knew when to stop, I never did. We went on a date on Sunday and since then the old feelings of a few drinks and a bit of weed seemed like it wouldn't be too bad. This has scared the life out of me and made me realise that I have a lot of work still to do. I am going to explain that I'm in recovery and can't visit Xmas as she still drinks but doesn't have a problem, this part is no biggy but it has ramped my anxiety level of the scale that I was contemplating having a drink. Has anyone else had issues like this around this stage in recovery and please tell me it gets better. Thanks

biminiblue

It was just a thought, easily dismissed. Those thoughts do come up from time to time, but all you have to do is say, "Okay, thanks for piping up Mr. Really Bad Idea, but I don't drink."

You didn't drink, and you're thinking ahead. That's how it's done.

I don't tell people I'm, "In recovery," or that I'm an alcoholic. I just say I quit drinking. That's it. Lots of people quit drinking.

I still spend *some* time with drinkers. If they are normal drinkers it doesn't bother me. If they start getting loud and obviously intoxicated I leave. Immediately. Then they go on my, "Not someone good to spend time around when they're drinking," list.

Stayingsassy

Yeah, I have contemplated starting drinking again. 14 months here. The contemplation isn’t the issue. Actually doing it is the issue.

I also think that not hanging with friends can be a drinking trigger for me. If you feel that you can’t see your friend because she drinks you will feel resentful. Ask her to see a movie or go for a hike/run. Not every hangout is drink related. Make it food-bingy like getting sushi or ice cream or something. I think you should still see her though.

Going out to a bar to see my husband play music ironically supported my sobriety. It made me see I could go out and have fun. That I’m not stuck in a sobriety hole. I do have a bit more sober time than others here though.

Btw I think anxiety about drinking is AV. I think it means it’s too close for comfort, get your headspace back to getting rid of it as an option and the anxiety should go away.

doggonecarl

It's not the thought of drinking that leads to drinking. It's the decision to drink that does that.

Dee74

Hi Wil - congrats on 9 months. I agree with everyone else that thoughts are thoughts - and it's what we do with them that counts.

If someone from the old days is triggering you, maybe it's worth considering spending not so much time with them - unless you decide of course that it's just your brain being silly.

I can go anywhere and do anything now - even go out with hard drinking friends - but I had to really work up to that.

D

fini

i can see why the thoughts jumping up are scary and upsetting. the very fact of having them can throw you if you thought they were gone for good and find they are not.
and as mentioned by previous posters, thoughts are not actions.
i have not had those thoughts, but i did have those associations of certain people and situations or places with drinking, and because i knew that after that amount of time i was not addicted anymore, i knew it likely spoke to feelings that i could examine and question while dismissing the reaction that presented itself as a drinking-urge.
and also...if you two used to party together, being sober around her and with her is a brand new state for you to be in while being around her, yes?

Wil76

Thanks guys, I think the reason it has got me so anxious is I was really starting to plan how I would just have beer no spirits and I would be fine, yes I would be fine for a while as I always could have a few beers and stop maybe 8 times out 10. It was the other times when I couldn't stop for a week that were the danger. I think I'll have a good talk and explain just how bad things had become for me with the booze to her, I also think being open and honest will help me here as hiding things tends to eat away at me and makes me feel bad.

Stayingsassy

Yeah in the past, I started drinking again with the same thoughts...sticking to beer only, or thinking of the handful of times I drank moderately.

You can think of alcohol addiction like a fire. Drink once; even one beer, and there’s your spark. So you only have a couple beers. The addiction whispers see....you’ve got this. You’re fine. You never needed to quit. Next time 5-6 beers, the fire is now lit. It’s alive and flickering, and to put it out is more difficult, because now you want the hard stuff...

See, I can’t have the spark. Mine has to stay dead embers. My spark is incredibly hard to snuff out once it’s lit.

Damned near impossible, really. Sometimes, the fire just consumes you until the end. It’s that hard to get back to sobriety. And it only started with the idea you could stick to beer.

Grungehead

I think what's important is to recognize the difference between occasional thoughts of drinking and obsessing about drinking. As someone who has relapsed twice after long-term sobriety, the line between occasional thoughts and obsession became "blurry" with me. I think it's important to recognize the fact that your anxiety level is up over this and figure out why. It could be unfounded or it could be a legitimate reason to raise your defenses to protect your sobriety.

I know for me personally, both of my relapses started long before I actually picked up a drink and they both started in my mind. It's good that you are questioning it openly here. With both of my relapses I had stopped any recovery related efforts for years and I wasn't sharing those thoughts bouncing around in my head. They evolved back into an obsession over time and then it was just a matter of time before I found an excuse to drink again.

Lpg

Hey wil76

Yes I'm having similar anxious thought about drinking too this week and iv been sober nearly 13 months. People have pushed me this week and I have seriously thought about necking a bottle of vodka, but where will that take me? Hospital.... Jail ... So on and so on.

Decided I can't let what other do affect my soberity it's down to me and only me. I think it's a great idea to mention your recovery to keep yourself on track, if you feel comfortable with it that is. Also you may find she might be extremely supportive who knows. Put your soberity first, trying to follow my own advice myself. Take care

Awake61

Absolutely True Doggone Carl!

ScottFromWI

Hope all is going well today Wil...let us now what you are thinking if you need some support. Talking through situations like these, even virtually here on SR can be very helpful.

Wil76

All is good today. I think part of the the problem was I was romantising about the good old days we spent together the weekend long partys and boozy trips when I could doit and just get a run of the mill hangover and back to work Monday and all good . Not for me now I don't just lie in bed wallowing but needed more booze. I am seeing her on Sunday and have decided to be open and honest about being in recovery, I know she will be supportive and explain for me my sobriety is the number 1 priority at least for the foreseable future. Thanks again for the input guys.