klar

Hey gang,

First of all a big thanks to everyone for their activity on this site. I don't post here much but I do visit on occasion and do some reading when I'm struggling. Thank you.

I writing a post today because the last week or so has been especially challenging. I love hearing about how others have coped and gotten through tough times in their journeys. There is something very therapeutic about it. Gives me a little hope... and sometimes that's all you need.

I'm coming up quickly on 2 years of sobriety. I was a "functional" alcoholic for about 15 years. Very routine drinking habit. The beer party started daily around 3 or 4 in the afternoon and consisted of 2 liters of the suds. Fall asleep around 9:00, get up at 5:30, get on with my business. Rinse and repeat. Yeah sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes wine, sometimes a party, but that was the general routine.

Made the choice to quit because I knew my body had had enough. I struggled from the beginning with some physical systems, the most notable being a constant light dizziness, or light headedness... kind of a tightness in my head (very difficult to describe it). It was there all day, every day, for the first 6 months. Outside of that I was okay. My liver enzymes were mildly elevated, slowly came down, and now GGT and ALT randomly remain mildly elevated. No diagnoses on that end has been determined yet, but I'm still working with my doctor on it. Outside of that my health, fitness, and diet are good. Actually my fitness is quite good and keeps getting better.

Through this journey I've suffered through various waves of PAWS. The dizziness was consistent and was accompanied by a variety of other symptoms like: weak immune system (constantly sick with one thing or another and having a 2 and 3 year old doesn't help!), occasional sensitivity to light and sound, feelings of disassociation, anhedonia, early waking, panic attacks, and anxiety.

After the 6 month mark I started to get some occasional relief from the dizziness. At first it was a few hours at a time, I'd feel pretty darn normal. Then it would be an entire day. This summer I was having weeks in a row with no symptoms. In July I was really doing great.

Along the way I did have a few panic attacks. 4 or 5 that were notable and I logged them in my journal. These were quite strange. Very mechanical, what I mean by that is it wasn't a line of thinking or a situation that would bring it on. I could be driving in the car or sitting at my desk and it was as if someone gave me a shot of something. The feeling would rush over me... last for 15minutes to over an hour. Then, just as it came, it went away... as if someone gave me another shot. I could literally feel my entire body relax.

While these were not pleasant I was able to manage them, especially after the first two when I figured out what the heck was going on.

So the last week something changed, or I'm in a new wave of PAWS. I had a series of these attacks clustered together and then a couple days where a slightly less intense version of the feeling was with me all day. Very uncomfortable and a little disheartening since I feel like I've gone backwards.

I was at the doc yesterday and mentioned it to him for the first time. He didn't really react, no discussion on that point. That was kind of a let down.

Short term I've decided to reduce my caffeine intake, moderate my evening sweet tooth, and really focus on my thought process and relaxation. I'm confident this is just another phase of punishment that PAWS is sending me through, but I thought I would reach out for that little bit of hope.

Please share your similar experiences and what you have done to work through times like this.

Wish you all a great day and look forward to what you have to share.

Clay

ScottFromWI

Thanks for sharing Clay. Out of curiosity, have you ever explored whether or not you might actually suffer from anxiety? I dealt with lots of odd physical symptoms for literally about 2 years after I quit drinking, and turns out I simply suffered from GAD and health anxiety. I was able to learn several techniques and lifestyle changes that really helped me clear most of the symptoms up completely. Cutting back on caffeine and sugar was one of them for certain.

Andante

Lacking any other specific diagnosis for your panic attack symptoms, I would think it possible that residual effects from your drinking days may play a role.

It seems that for a few of us, the timeline for weird withdrawal-style symptoms after quitting drinking is can be a long one indeed. My 5-1/2 years sober have been one long slow and gradual abating of those symptoms, with some bumps along the way.

I also had the recurring symptoms of panic attack that were completely unrelated to my state of mind. Like my other weird symptoms, they flared up now and then, but overall, they eased over time. When they got bad enough to overwhelm my ability to manage them using relaxation techniques, I would take a benzo (Ativan, by prescription), being careful not to escalate dosage or frequency.

I never was much of a caffeine drinker, but I certainly cut it out entirely in recovery. My poor nervous system had trouble enough quieting down without my adding an artificial stimulant.

These days I'm feeling maybe 98% better. It's definitely been worth the effort and the patience. Soldier on, and things will almost assuredly get better over time even if you do suffer some temporary setbacks along the way.

Meanwhile, I would echo Scott's suggestion to look specifically at the anxiety as something you might be able to treat separately using relaxation techniques.

klar

@ScottFromWI and @ Andante - thanks for the replies.

Yes, I'm pretty sure there is an underlying anxiety issue that needs to be addressed. I've actually been looking around to find some help on that front. I had a few episodes of anxiety and panic attacks in my college years, before my drinking had started.

Have a great weekend.

Clay (formerly from WI)

klar

Short update.

The first couple of days off the caffeine were pretty brutal, but I expected that. Oh man that headache! The benefit has been no panic attacks for the past 3 days, so I'll take that as a small victory.