Done4Ever

I stumbled, bad. It started to feel so easy. I wasn't craving, had no problems avoiding it. I even knew the AV was talking. When I messed up, I didn't follow my plan. Plain and simple, if I had followed my plan, I would not have stumbled. Several days of stumbling. So Day 1 again. I have to tighten up my plan, I can't not follow it every day, even when I am not having cravings, I think that relaxed me and I started to feel I have a handle on this (I don't, and never will). I'm not looking for pity, I just wanted to post my anger and disappointment at myself about this. I realize exactly how I messed up and what I DIDN'T do to allow it.

Anyways, its frustrating, and I can identify with so many people on here.

Thanks for listening.

Shilla

Well you are back, and that is brilliant. Keep at it and don’t pick up.

BDTL

Never quit quitting and you're sobriety will become solid

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Done4Ever. Glad you returned, and I'm glad you realize what you stated above.

What do you think you might do to make sure that you stay on task with your plan this time around? Perhaps spending more time here or even adding some local help?

JudicatorPanzer

Oh well you messed up. You admitted it and are back on the right track right? Keep moving forward one day at a time.

waynetheking

This disease is unrelenting. It takes every opportunity to kill you. Don't ever be ashamed of yourself for having a slip. It happens. It's a miracle your back here trying again. For most of us it would take years. For some of us, we wouldn't make it back at all. So keep trying and work your plan. Get busy and stay busy. For me it was the one main ingredient in my sobriety. I took action. I stayed so busy that I absolutely had no time to drink. It worked. It can work for you to.
I'm really glad you are here. Congrats on giving it another try. Your going to be fine. Just don't drink. It's that simple.

Dee74

Welcoem back

Great advice here!
think about why you didn't reach out - I think you can plan for that too

D
D

Done4Ever

Thanks everyone,
Still here. Mad at myself like crazy, but all I can do is get back, have a better plan for the scenario where I stumbled and Dee, I didn’t reach out. That was part of where I messed up. It was a business trip and I didn’t use any of the options I had to not do it and gave in.

Thanks everyone for the support. It’s amazing how angry at myself I am, I thought I had it under control, and by thinking that, I know that’s part of what allowed me to do it. Can’t ever make that assumption.

Dee74

yeah like I said you can plan for that. Get a few numbers to call, not just one.
Make a commitment not to do anything before you post here, and wait around for some feedback

play the tape through - remember where drinking takes you, Urge surf ...have as many tools as you can mentally carry, so that reaching out is less of a mammoth effort.

D

Stayingsassy

I think most people who drink after a period of sobriety think they have it under control.

Even when I knew I was alcoholic, knew it in my bones, I figured I'd go back and just "be alcoholic" a few days a week and detox the rest of the time. Even when I managed that...can't believe I did but often I did manage that, it was brutal and a living hell and not the kind of control I had envisioned for myself. Because I had to go all out every time. That's what alcoholics do.

If you accept that you are alcoholic it's a real stretch to rationalize going back. Maybe start there?

Mattq2

I tried so many times. I think the key is learning from your failures. It made me better at being and staying sober. I think you will discover the same. You can do it.