Is there a point to move forward with sobriety?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1
Is there a point to move forward with sobriety?
54yo male who drank beer daily for many years. I chose staying home and drinking than socializing with friends or attending some school events with my family. Granted, I did not make good choices. I've been sober for 57 days.
During my drinking times, my wife never said anything about it. Maybe she didn't want an argument. She even said "Do what you want, I don't care." Then today, she tears into me what a horrible father I have been and that, even now, they come to her for advice because I would just say "ask your mother" in the past. I already know this. I can't change what I've done. I'm here now to move forward. However, what's the damn point? It's noon somewhere.
During my drinking times, my wife never said anything about it. Maybe she didn't want an argument. She even said "Do what you want, I don't care." Then today, she tears into me what a horrible father I have been and that, even now, they come to her for advice because I would just say "ask your mother" in the past. I already know this. I can't change what I've done. I'm here now to move forward. However, what's the damn point? It's noon somewhere.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
57 daze is a great start. What were the reasons you made a decision to quit? Likely therein lies the point.
At 54 I quit, sought support here and elsewhere and started to rejoin life. That was 4 years ago. Nothing special, just sick and tired of leading a bumbling, stumbling existence. Things didn't get better, I did.
The wake I left in my path, at best by apathy or worst intolerance of others and their opinions I only started to realize in sobriety. My actions and behaviors no longer mirror my values and beliefs. That was my point. Frankly it took some sober time for my brain to start working again to comprehend that last few decades.
Keep coming back
At 54 I quit, sought support here and elsewhere and started to rejoin life. That was 4 years ago. Nothing special, just sick and tired of leading a bumbling, stumbling existence. Things didn't get better, I did.
The wake I left in my path, at best by apathy or worst intolerance of others and their opinions I only started to realize in sobriety. My actions and behaviors no longer mirror my values and beliefs. That was my point. Frankly it took some sober time for my brain to start working again to comprehend that last few decades.
Keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Stuart9898 
However, what's the damn point? It's noon somewhere.
you CAN have a good relationship with your children and wife.
you CAn clear away the wreckage.
you CAN have a nice life alcohol free.
you CAN love yourself.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
The point (among many others) is to be able to be the best person you can be.
Congratulations on 57 days, it is an achievement but keep in mind that you were drinking for years. You just cannot expect your wife to sweep everything which happened over the course of years under the rug.
It will take time to gain back the confidence of your loved ones and the best way to do it is by staying sober.
Congratulations on 57 days, it is an achievement but keep in mind that you were drinking for years. You just cannot expect your wife to sweep everything which happened over the course of years under the rug.
It will take time to gain back the confidence of your loved ones and the best way to do it is by staying sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
One person's point may not be another's. Possible points that may resonate in your situation?
Demonstrating the character, capability and courage needed for change.
Demonstrating that power in the present (making the right decisions) leads to hope in the future.
Having your kids teach their kids one day that one's past need not be their future- and thinking of you every time they share that lesson.
I assume you began this journey because of a compelling point. As you continue on your path, the point will resonate more and more deeply, and more points will appear.
The opportunity is to hold tightly to the reasons you choose to begin this epic quest and have faith that your future will be better than your past.
Demonstrating the character, capability and courage needed for change.
Demonstrating that power in the present (making the right decisions) leads to hope in the future.
Having your kids teach their kids one day that one's past need not be their future- and thinking of you every time they share that lesson.
I assume you began this journey because of a compelling point. As you continue on your path, the point will resonate more and more deeply, and more points will appear.
The opportunity is to hold tightly to the reasons you choose to begin this epic quest and have faith that your future will be better than your past.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Stuart. Lots of great comments from others here. My personal "point" for staying sober is that my life is better now than it was when I was drinking. I am healthier both physically and mentally, my job performance is much better, my relationships are FAR better and in general my outlook on life is much more postive.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome, Stuart!
Congratulations on your sobriety!
Things can and will get better as you continue in recovery. Your relationship with your children can begin to grow and improve. It takes patience and hard work, but your life can be better.
Congratulations on your sobriety!
Things can and will get better as you continue in recovery. Your relationship with your children can begin to grow and improve. It takes patience and hard work, but your life can be better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
The point is that unless you dig in with both heels to sobriety, you'll never know what your life can become. Idk about you, but when my life is drawing to the close, the last thing I want to have is regrets because I spent my life drunk and selfish when there were people who needed me and loved me, but I said "what's the point"?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
While I was a daily drinker I showed people they couldnl't rely on me. In sobriety I had to prove I was trustworthy which took a good amount of time and work on my part. It's actions, not words, that count. And, in some cases it was too late.....relationships were permanently altered. The point is to keep the focus on yourself and your own words and actions.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome Stuart 
as others have said, the point is it's a better way to live. No more looking at yourself in shame in the mirror, no more not being there for things, no more hiding...
We all have to take our lumps.
The people I love went through a lot - they never bothered to challenge a drunk - no point... and so there was a little residual anger there from them, and from me.
I didn't get it for a while but once I put myself in their shoes I understood a little more.
The more I worked on my recovery and the more I stayed sober the better I felt and the better people felt around me
Stick with it man - it's worth it
be the man you want to be
D
as others have said, the point is it's a better way to live. No more looking at yourself in shame in the mirror, no more not being there for things, no more hiding...
We all have to take our lumps.
The people I love went through a lot - they never bothered to challenge a drunk - no point... and so there was a little residual anger there from them, and from me.
I didn't get it for a while but once I put myself in their shoes I understood a little more.
The more I worked on my recovery and the more I stayed sober the better I felt and the better people felt around me
Stick with it man - it's worth it
be the man you want to be
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
You are only 54. If you live another 25-30 years, that probably means half your kids lives, half your marriage would be lived sober.
I think the bigger question is why wouldn't you want to be sober and accountable for that time.
I think the bigger question is why wouldn't you want to be sober and accountable for that time.
Vietnam Vet
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
My son revealed he had been off alcohol for just over a year recently. It's cool how his determination to live a healthy life has been a great model for his Dad. He's one of the reasons I decided to live life without alcohol. Maybe you can be a role model for your children and not the other way.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
The point is to be there for them now.
Do you want to continue things as they are? Do you want them to keep going to their mom because they can’t count on you?
You have a lot of life ahead. How do you want it to be???
Do you want to continue things as they are? Do you want them to keep going to their mom because they can’t count on you?
You have a lot of life ahead. How do you want it to be???
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Stuart9898
54yo male who drank beer daily for many years. I chose staying home and drinking than socializing with friends or attending some school events with my family. Granted, I did not make good choices. I've been sober for 57 days.
During my drinking times, my wife never said anything about it. Maybe she didn't want an argument. She even said "Do what you want, I don't care." Then today, she tears into me what a horrible father I have been and that, even now, they come to her for advice because I would just say "ask your mother" in the past. I already know this. I can't change what I've done. I'm here now to move forward. However, what's the damn point? It's noon somewhere.
During my drinking times, my wife never said anything about it. Maybe she didn't want an argument. She even said "Do what you want, I don't care." Then today, she tears into me what a horrible father I have been and that, even now, they come to her for advice because I would just say "ask your mother" in the past. I already know this. I can't change what I've done. I'm here now to move forward. However, what's the damn point? It's noon somewhere.
Speaking for myself as soon as I stopped drinking the problems associated with alcoholism immediately stopped. By this I mean my wife gave me another chance. In addition I never have been fired from a job because of drinking.
Now, having said that sobriety hasn't been a bed of roses but my life certainly is moving in the right direction.
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
We're delighted you're here with us, Stuart.
Welcome to our group(s).
There is a point to sobriety.
That point is the ability to live a life free of active addiction.
It permits us to be 100% participants in a world we previously shunned to pursue our addictions.
My life has been quite a blessing since I got sober.
There have been bumps along the path, to be sure, but the journey has been priceless.
I suggest that you select and follow a program of recovery and not simply try to do it on your own.
For me, that has been AA, and I have now been sober almost 1/2 of my life and more than 2/3 of my adult life.
I can promise you that a better world awaits you as long as you seize the opportunity and take advantage of the help that is available for alcoholics like us.
Keep us posted as to your efforts, amigo.
Welcome to our group(s).
There is a point to sobriety.
That point is the ability to live a life free of active addiction.
It permits us to be 100% participants in a world we previously shunned to pursue our addictions.
My life has been quite a blessing since I got sober.
There have been bumps along the path, to be sure, but the journey has been priceless.
I suggest that you select and follow a program of recovery and not simply try to do it on your own.
For me, that has been AA, and I have now been sober almost 1/2 of my life and more than 2/3 of my adult life.
I can promise you that a better world awaits you as long as you seize the opportunity and take advantage of the help that is available for alcoholics like us.
Keep us posted as to your efforts, amigo.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
A friend of mine got sober got slim and fit THEN his wife cheats on him and they divorce... he is baffled there marriage was happier when he was an obese drunk. Sometimes life is just like this and it doesnt have much to do with drinkjing or not drinking.
But I will say the dynamic can change when one gets sober and it can rock the marriage boat. What can you do> drinking is no solution. Going through the rough waters kinda sucks but drinking isnt going to make it better. I know for me I had to ask myself again and again why am i quiting? I say it all the time quiting drinking was he most SELFISH thing i ever did. I didnt quit for NO one But me!! now did everyone else in my life reap the rewards? sure they did but i didnt do it for them. i did it for me. So when the boat got rocked which did and will continue too I just buckled down and thought i'm not gonna comprimise on my sobriety over this or that. They dont like it they can get out of the boat i'm not drinking period!
But I will say the dynamic can change when one gets sober and it can rock the marriage boat. What can you do> drinking is no solution. Going through the rough waters kinda sucks but drinking isnt going to make it better. I know for me I had to ask myself again and again why am i quiting? I say it all the time quiting drinking was he most SELFISH thing i ever did. I didnt quit for NO one But me!! now did everyone else in my life reap the rewards? sure they did but i didnt do it for them. i did it for me. So when the boat got rocked which did and will continue too I just buckled down and thought i'm not gonna comprimise on my sobriety over this or that. They dont like it they can get out of the boat i'm not drinking period!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Sometimes people suffer in silence because they don't want conflict. When they get pushed hard enough, they eventually break. Living with addiction for years is hard, give her time. In the mean time, your sobriety should stay on top of what is important for your family to thrive.
Good luck!
Good luck!
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