Reaching out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Reaching out
I posted a couple of weeks ago for the first time in months. I wanted to let this community know that I had managed 3 years sober. Major achievement after 30+ years of problem drinking. I wanted to celebrate and mark the day. Lots of people got back to me to celebrate with me. Thank you so much.
I'm now posting for quite a different reason. Today I've wanted to drink again so badly. I've had a massive craving for the oblivion that booze used to promise.
My brother has shared that my mother is ill, I've not been in contact with my narcissist mother for 10 years and battled the guilt and huge gap in my life since then. Prior to our enstrangement I battled the relationship in other ways.
I've agreed to see her as it feels the right thing to do BUT ! all the murk and mud of my deepest psych damage and problems has come surging to the surface and it's grim.
I don't think I'm going to drink as I'm aware what's happening to me. But ill probably be around SR more for the next few months as I need more support. This huge craving has really knocked me, we are never really over it I guess ??
Any advice or experience much appreciated
Xx
I'm now posting for quite a different reason. Today I've wanted to drink again so badly. I've had a massive craving for the oblivion that booze used to promise.
My brother has shared that my mother is ill, I've not been in contact with my narcissist mother for 10 years and battled the guilt and huge gap in my life since then. Prior to our enstrangement I battled the relationship in other ways.
I've agreed to see her as it feels the right thing to do BUT ! all the murk and mud of my deepest psych damage and problems has come surging to the surface and it's grim.
I don't think I'm going to drink as I'm aware what's happening to me. But ill probably be around SR more for the next few months as I need more support. This huge craving has really knocked me, we are never really over it I guess ??
Any advice or experience much appreciated
Xx
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Congratulations on 3 years of recovery!
I'm sorry for your mother's illness and for the estrangement. I had a similar situation a few years into recovery. I wasn't completely estranged from my mother, but we had minimal phone contact and very occasional visits. There were years of abuse in my childhood I needed to heal from and I knew in recovery I must stay away from her. When she became ill, she pushed very hard for me to visit. I felt that I 'should', though I'd given up most of the 'I shoulds' in early recovery so I was very angry about it. I kept wondering if I should speak to her of my pain due to her abuse. I didn't and I'm very glad I didn't because I know she would have continued to deny her actions and I couldn't have handled that.
I very much relate to all the stuff coming to the surface and I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm glad you came here and posted and I hope you continue to let us know how you are doing.
I'm sorry for your mother's illness and for the estrangement. I had a similar situation a few years into recovery. I wasn't completely estranged from my mother, but we had minimal phone contact and very occasional visits. There were years of abuse in my childhood I needed to heal from and I knew in recovery I must stay away from her. When she became ill, she pushed very hard for me to visit. I felt that I 'should', though I'd given up most of the 'I shoulds' in early recovery so I was very angry about it. I kept wondering if I should speak to her of my pain due to her abuse. I didn't and I'm very glad I didn't because I know she would have continued to deny her actions and I couldn't have handled that.
I very much relate to all the stuff coming to the surface and I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm glad you came here and posted and I hope you continue to let us know how you are doing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Thanks so much Anna, for the empathy, compassion and shared experience. SR is priceless !
My brother will come with me to visit but his condition of doing so is that I don't confront her on anything. I wouldn't I don't think for the same reasons as you, she has always denied anything and everything which has always made me feel irrelevant and crazy . I think this visit just has to be managed somehow, if only to say to myself that I did the right thing.
I get the sense from your reply that this did not cause you to drink again?
This reassures me. Thank you again.
Yes I fully intend to be around SR more.
Xx
My brother will come with me to visit but his condition of doing so is that I don't confront her on anything. I wouldn't I don't think for the same reasons as you, she has always denied anything and everything which has always made me feel irrelevant and crazy . I think this visit just has to be managed somehow, if only to say to myself that I did the right thing.
I get the sense from your reply that this did not cause you to drink again?
This reassures me. Thank you again.
Yes I fully intend to be around SR more.
Xx
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
We'll all be with you on your visit FarToGo.
The main thing I have to remember these days is my family can no longer push my buttons because I do not give them permission to. I consciously respond in a different neutral and non dramatic way.
D
The main thing I have to remember these days is my family can no longer push my buttons because I do not give them permission to. I consciously respond in a different neutral and non dramatic way.
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad you came FarToGo, and I'm sorry to hear about your Mother. I went through a pretty severe health scare with my mother last year and she had several surgeries and spend a lot of time in the hospital. I was about 4 years sober at the time the initial news broke and i'd be lying if I said I didn't think about drinking a little bit. That was my default for so many years I don't know that those thoughts will ever go away 100% But just because the thoughts come doesn't mean we have to act on them. The difference for you at 3 years sober is that you are far better prepared to deal with them and face the world. Coming here to talk things through is a sure sign that you've learned a lot in those 3 years - and you should be proud of it. But there's no shame at all in asking for help or admitting the thoughts...because we all have them and all help each other get through.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
FTG,
no event or circumstance can really "cause" you to drink as such, or "make" you drink.
anyway, you speak of muck and mud and vile stuff surfacing, and so my suggestion would be to get help with the stuff that's bubbling up.
I don't know your circumstances, but there are likely a variety of options, from specific therapies through trauma help to talking with crisis phone counselors.
i am sorry for what you are going through, but it sounds like it is something that all had to come up eventually, and you are sober now and can make some sober and good decisions about what is safe and okay for you to do.
no event or circumstance can really "cause" you to drink as such, or "make" you drink.
anyway, you speak of muck and mud and vile stuff surfacing, and so my suggestion would be to get help with the stuff that's bubbling up.
I don't know your circumstances, but there are likely a variety of options, from specific therapies through trauma help to talking with crisis phone counselors.
i am sorry for what you are going through, but it sounds like it is something that all had to come up eventually, and you are sober now and can make some sober and good decisions about what is safe and okay for you to do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Thank you wise and wonderful folk, for really understanding and offering such love and insight.
I went to a spiritual gathering today, they know nothing as I'm new there, but just practicing with lovely folk helped a lot and certainly helped distance me from thoughts of needing a drink, as you all have helped.
Onwards in this hard but necessary process....
Thank you
Xxxx
I went to a spiritual gathering today, they know nothing as I'm new there, but just practicing with lovely folk helped a lot and certainly helped distance me from thoughts of needing a drink, as you all have helped.
Onwards in this hard but necessary process....
Thank you
Xxxx
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