Unexpected challenges... met and matched
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 185
Unexpected challenges... met and matched
I was feeling really strong in my recovery and then ran into two huge obstacles. The first, held three weeks ago, was a party for my boss, planned by a colleague I am quite certain has some deep alcohol issues. (Not judging at all--that's me, too). She planned a humdinger, complete with a party bus and stops at five bars. I was anxious and worried about it for weeks, knowing that everyone (14 people) would be heavily drinking and that my not-drinking would be a big deal. (None of them know my struggle and my recovery, and I was dreading the questions and explanations).
Well, imagine this--after the first half hour, no one noticed. I was truly not a big deal. I just sipped away at my coconut water (gross--next time I'll drink what I want and make it a root beer binge) and marveled at how obnoxious my colleagues grew to be over the course of the night. I was ready to go home quite early, but hung in there and made the best of it. And the next day, I was proud and felt fantastic, while a text chain from all of my colleagues outlined how awful they all felt. (Note-- they are all between the ages of 30 and 50. It sounds like I'm describing a college frat party, and indeed that's what it felt like. But we're all old enough to know better.)
The second challenge, last week, was an out-of-state conference. Three colleagues went, too. Again, dread and worry about how to handle it, since I knew the team of us would have dinners out that, in the past, would have devolved into heavy drinking. I decided to confide in one of my colleagues on the plane, and told him everything. He was surprised, saying he never suspected that I had these issues, and confided that he's worried about his own drinking, too. We talked a lot about it. He said he knows he has a problem but isn't ready to stop. I told him the one thing I'd learned from my inner turmoil all these years was that one has to be ready to stop--and when one is ready, it is do-able.
At any rate, I'm so glad I told him, because he was kind of my wing-man through the dinners out and the heavy drinking of my other colleagues. He drank a lot, too, but quietly had my back and squashed any questions/conversations about why I wasn't drinking. It was nice to feel comfortable enough to articulate, "I am a recovering alcoholic." I'll do more of that, I think, in time.
So: Two hard challenges met and overcome. And I feel stronger and smarter, having worked through them.
I'm now on a spring vacation with my family, and having such a nice time being clear-eyed and engaged in the whole thing. I'm not anxious when my husband goes digging in my purse for my keys or the hotel key--last year at this time, had he done that, I'd have snatched my purse from him and snapped at him to leave it alone, because I'd have known he would find my hidden vodka. No fear now, and no hiding. God, what a relief.
Well, imagine this--after the first half hour, no one noticed. I was truly not a big deal. I just sipped away at my coconut water (gross--next time I'll drink what I want and make it a root beer binge) and marveled at how obnoxious my colleagues grew to be over the course of the night. I was ready to go home quite early, but hung in there and made the best of it. And the next day, I was proud and felt fantastic, while a text chain from all of my colleagues outlined how awful they all felt. (Note-- they are all between the ages of 30 and 50. It sounds like I'm describing a college frat party, and indeed that's what it felt like. But we're all old enough to know better.)
The second challenge, last week, was an out-of-state conference. Three colleagues went, too. Again, dread and worry about how to handle it, since I knew the team of us would have dinners out that, in the past, would have devolved into heavy drinking. I decided to confide in one of my colleagues on the plane, and told him everything. He was surprised, saying he never suspected that I had these issues, and confided that he's worried about his own drinking, too. We talked a lot about it. He said he knows he has a problem but isn't ready to stop. I told him the one thing I'd learned from my inner turmoil all these years was that one has to be ready to stop--and when one is ready, it is do-able.
At any rate, I'm so glad I told him, because he was kind of my wing-man through the dinners out and the heavy drinking of my other colleagues. He drank a lot, too, but quietly had my back and squashed any questions/conversations about why I wasn't drinking. It was nice to feel comfortable enough to articulate, "I am a recovering alcoholic." I'll do more of that, I think, in time.
So: Two hard challenges met and overcome. And I feel stronger and smarter, having worked through them.
I'm now on a spring vacation with my family, and having such a nice time being clear-eyed and engaged in the whole thing. I'm not anxious when my husband goes digging in my purse for my keys or the hotel key--last year at this time, had he done that, I'd have snatched my purse from him and snapped at him to leave it alone, because I'd have known he would find my hidden vodka. No fear now, and no hiding. God, what a relief.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 7
I have so much anxiety about situations exactly like this! Work outings=beer at lunch, family dinners=cocktails&wine, post hike brunch with my friends=pints of beer to "rehydrate"....the list goes on. And I've usually been the ring-leader!
Great job resisting and finding out you can still enjoy the events without the booze!
Great job resisting and finding out you can still enjoy the events without the booze!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by fini 
no fear and no hiding sums up so much of sobriety so well
greatvto see you reap these rsults from the actions you took.
greatvto see you reap these rsults from the actions you took.
You are right: people don't care. IMO - those who do have something (alcohol or other) to deal with themselves and I'm fine steering clear.
Good job!
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Awesome news.....
you will see that nobody has issues with you not drinking, you might have one person that questions it (might be their own insecurity) but mostly it in our head that people will has issues......
Stay on your path, being sober is amazing!!
you will see that nobody has issues with you not drinking, you might have one person that questions it (might be their own insecurity) but mostly it in our head that people will has issues......
Stay on your path, being sober is amazing!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Folks in my circle are always impressed, like wow, how do you do that? You are amazing.
And we are.
In this culture, to not drink is not easy even for those that don't have any problem.
And for those that do, amazing.
Pat ourselves on back now!
And we are.
In this culture, to not drink is not easy even for those that don't have any problem.
And for those that do, amazing.
Pat ourselves on back now!
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