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Years later the threat exists but I manage

Old 02-19-2018, 09:58 AM
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Years later the threat exists but I manage

My wife needed to go out of town for 10 days, of course the first thought in my head was how I would stop on the way home from the airport. I actually allowed myself to believe it for a day until I left her at the check in line and began walking out. I knew at that moment that I had no interest in drinking and was even afraid of the physical consequences I was sure I would have. Potential morning sickness and the return of the habit full on. Would I be able to stop again? My brain asked this but I knew within my heart that I was just waxing nostaglic thoughts and that nothing good could ever come from it. There is a really big store on the way home from the airport that has really weird imports that I used to like so instead of going that way I took another highway that still gets me home.

6 days into her trip and I actually still have some thoughts about how it would be easy to get a six pack and chill with it but I won't. It's just not worth it. Another testament to the fact that times heals all wounds and that none of you should ever give up hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I am living proof of it. Five years later and after this week I am sure I am beyond the addiction.

There really is life after alcohol if you want there to be...
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Old 02-19-2018, 10:10 AM
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That rings true.
I’m 1 year sober on March 6th.
I know that there will be situations that trigger a thought or fantasy of drinking.
But that’s all it is.
When I think about actually drinking a type of beer, I know exactly what it tastes like and how it makes me feel.
That alone repulses me and makes me feel sick.

I know I won’t drink again.
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Old 02-19-2018, 10:17 AM
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So funny how we all think that we can do things when others won't know -- but we know.

Sounds like you got it covered, but don't do it.

You will be back to the start, which needs that ****, and for what.

Do something fun, extravagant and sober!
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Old 02-19-2018, 11:24 AM
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Yeah, I agree. The threat always remains though it gets more abstract as years past. I remember last year my wife left a bottle of vodka in the kitchen. My favourite poison. Even after 3+ years (then), I suddenly felt uneasy every time I entered the kitchen. No desire but actually felt queasy and nervous just looking at the bottle. Eventually I had to ask my wife to put it away. As soon as it was gone (its somewhere in the house), I felt a weight fall off my shoulders.

So, the threat remains....
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Old 02-19-2018, 11:43 AM
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My AV (any thought of future drinking or doubt in my ability to remain abstinent) will pop up from time to time , but I don't drink so I just ignore It.

I also separate and assign any disappointment felt at those 'missed opportunities' to It, It hates not drinking and feels bad that It can't .

I get what I assume some would call a perverse satisfaction out of knowing that I can but I have decided IT can't.

Great you decided to keep starving IT and driving the other way, but sometimes it's fun to drive by the place and laugh inwardly at the little dumbass voice pleading, "cmon it's right there , ooohh youjust passed it , turn around turn around", just because you can
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