LFCNZ

So went New Years eve party with my wife today, started around 2pm and we stayed till 6pm.

Mostly old friends from her previous work who she knows better than I do but I have met on numerous occasions, so know them reasonably well.

Was fine for the the first 2-3 hours but after that, would have usually had a drink or three to keep me going, but I just shut down as socializing drains me after a while, so had an hour or so feeling totally blah.

Any tips?

scaredikklegoth

No tips, just sympathetic as I find social events quite hard with or without drinking. I just keep chatting and try to make people laugh.

Dee74

The more I socialise sober the better I get at it.


Ask questions of people. Be interested and engaged. Draw them out. Works every time

That being said I'm not great with people I don't know either, but it's no longer a chore for me.

I've accepted who I am now and that guy is best in an small setting with close friends

D

FBL

I'll always have a bit of social anxiety. Like Dee said, it gets easier with time and practice. If given the chance, most people just love to talk about themselves. Ask a couple of questions and you'll be set.

D122y

Lf,

For me, anything after a couple of hours socializing gets to be a super chore. I am not that chatty. Definitely forced, and likely obviously awkward.

But, I try.

Chasing squirrels....awkward laughs....politics....be careful not to offend....tolerating drunks. Yay?

I end up on my phone or taking a walk after excusing myself for a rest room break. At least I showed up.

I lways enjoy the food and non alcoholic beverages. Last night I had Sobe, seltzer, and extra lime. It was tangy and refreshing.

I like using the lime or lemon on my hands a bit after I squeeze them. They smell fresh.

Thanks.

Doug39

I can't remember the last time I was awake until midnight on New Years Eve. Has to be at least 15 years or so.

Even in my drinking days I was passed out by midnight.

This year I am ignoring it all - I am working from noon to 4, going to an AA meeting at 6 and will be in bed at my usually 9:30.

It is just another day.

As far as socializing sober while others are drinking I try not to be involved in those kinds of situations. It isn't that it is a threat to my sobriety - it just bores me now to be around drinkers while they are drinking.

anxiousrock

I would have done the same thing.
That’s a long time just to sit there.
I have social anxiety too and would normally drink to enjoy myself.

miko67

Yip totally identify with this. I find Christmas dinner a real chore and wanted to leave straight after I ate it. I felt rude and gave myself a hard time for it the day after.
A couple if days later and I don't care now it's over but I can see how anxiety can lead to depression because if the fact it's hard to enjoy yourself when your over come by it and it seems everyone else is enjoying themselves.
Suppose though I could be joshing peoples outsides compared to my insides and when I do this I'm always losing.
Happy new year folks !!!!
We can beat the anxiety

shortstop81

Social situations have also always been a chore for me. Drinking used to "help", but would be counterproductive in the end because I'd only have vague memories of the actual occasion and worry that I'd made an idiot of myself.

I accept that I'm not great at it, and don't beat myself up. I make an effort, but will dip out a bit earlier if I need to. Socializing in general is somewhat easier in sobriety though, in that I genuinely have a more enjoyable time and feel more at ease.

Either way, I don't pressure myself. Although I am somewhat relieved that the holidays are over!

LFCNZ

Yeah I can do that to start with, but after an hour or some I'm drained

LFCNZ

Yeah Im on meds for anxiety/depression, but they dont seem to help me enough for prolonged periods of socializing, drinking was my go to thing for when I started to feel a bit blah and wanting to go home but couldn't.

LFCNZ

Yep, know what you mean.

Dee74

you seem a bit hung up on this LFCNZ?

It's early days - this is not the best things(or you )are gonna get

It took me a few months of sobriety to stop thinking like a drinker.

Once you start thinking you might be losing something or missing out on something by being sober those kinds of thoughts can start to snowball.

There's nothing I miss about my old life, cos over time I changed - and so did my perceptions, beliefs and dreams - and all for the better

D

Berrybean

Socialising was a big deal for me when I was drinking, so it was a real challenge to get use to a new way of doing things. Anyway, here's a few suggestions...

Perhaps next time, if its your wife's crew drop her there earlier and go do something else for a few hours and just spend an hour or so catching up when you go to collect her.

I am far more selective about the social gatherings I attend nowadays.

Also, always have an exit plan (even if I don't end up using it, it makes me feel better about being there).

Take breaks - maybe you'll no need to make or take a call, or pop to the shop, or get something fro the car. Honest, once we're out the door poeple aren't timing us to see if we're one minute or ten.

Say No if you want to. With out apologies or excuses. 'Thanks for thinking of me, but I won't be able to make it' is perfectly polite.

If you do want to go, be realistic about how long you might want to spend with who's there. That was a LONG party I reckon. An hour or so is plenty, esp in early days.

There will be moment where your confidence flounders and you get the feeling No one likes you, they're bored with you, blah blah blah. Just remember, feelings aren't real. It's likely to be your AV giving you a little poke towards having the first drink. Expect it. Ignore it. Just because you think /feel it, don't make it so.

Make sure your wife is aware of any 'different' behaviour you might exhibit, like popping to the car or whatever. She's the only one who might be worried by it, and besides she can support you better if she knows the plan.


Please don't be in too much of a rush and expect yourself to feel comfortable with all this straight off. Change takes time.

BB

SoberCAH

Even though my wife and have no children (we are childless curmudgeons), I find that asking people about their children has a disarming effect.

Many people will talk effusively about their children, unless they're in jail or rehab, and it permits me to do more listening than talking.

I enjoy social discussions now if they are "real".

By that i mean if people honestly talk about how they are feeling or doing instead of telling me (in an almost rehearsed response) that they have 2.3 children, live in the suburbs and drive Volvos.

I get very spoiled with my friends in recovery because we talk exclusively about very real matters and not mindless chit-chat.

SeaOfSerenity

toilet breaks aren't just for going to the toilet. take a minute and rest

I had the same this nye. 7pm till 12pm meal and drinks with the girlfriends family and friends. going to the toilet is my new popping out for a smoke to be alone