BirdOnWire

I had three and a half years a number of years ago until I wanted to be "normal" again. Have had a few slips since then. But last night as the free alcohol cart on the train I was on was rolled up to me and I debated the free wine aka poison vs freedom from poisoning myself, I was so delighted to hear myself say "diet coke please." The biggest challenge of the season but I won. Reading here is what helps me, so a happy and healthy 2018 to all and thank you.

Delilah1

That is fantastic Birdonawire.

Sohard

You're an inspiration. I hope to do that seemingly so effortlessly one day.

Doug39

This reminded me of a guy at AA who told me that after two years of sobriety he was having a rough day and decided to go to a bar and get drunk.

He walked into the bar and sat down. The barmaid asked him what drink he wanted. He said that his mind was thinking Budweiser but his mouth said "I don't drink". This shocked him so he got up, walked out, got in his car and drove home and stayed sober.

He felt that God was doing for him what he couldn't do for himself.

BirdOnWire

My first three and a half years did feel effortless. I was just done, I couldn't handle it anymore. Always figuring out when to buy the wine, drinking all my "stash" in a weekend, throwing up, buying more, missing work. But then I tripped up so now I know I must be diligent. Because it's true, once you restart, it's zero to a hundred in an instant and you're right back there. And it's soooooo much nicer on the sober side, Sohard!

Dee74

I'm glad you made a good choice BOW

D

least

I like to hear myself say, I don't drink. I've had people ask me, not at all? And I tell them, not a drop.

waynetheking

Excellent decision, excellent post.
Thanks buddy!!

Ihadmyfill

That is a tough situation...great decision! You must be so proud of yourself.

BirdOnWire

Thank you!! I'd be a little more proud if it had been like the first three years when the switch was completely off and I wouldn't have even had the conversation about "choice" in my head...but then again, it was great to make the right choice. Just got so sick of making myself sick. And you know, there are lots of us in the world who can't be "normal" drinkers so no point in dwelling on it.

Sohard

I actually think you should be even prouder because you DID have to make the decision. No big deal if the switch was off, as you say (although obviously a preferable scenario). Well done!

D122y

Bird,

Sobriety is as much a personal journey as it is a group journey.

I relate to your management of the lifelong addiction we all have.

Remembering the hell we have escaped, listening to current struggles, and offering testimony is a huge deal for the remainder of my sober life.

Just had my first colonoscopy. Only 2 small polyps that the Dr. said looked fine. He took samples to test jic. Otherwise, see him in 10 years. That is scoring an A on the test.

3 years ago, when I was 50 and supposed to get the test, I didn't go. I was too drunk and too afraid.

Never again.

Thanks.

BirdOnWire

We have indeed escaped hell. Physical, mental, financial, social...hell.

Congrats on making your appointment this time round!

scaredikklegoth

Well done! Free drinks are a bitch to deal with but you made the right decision and you should be proud of yourself ^_^

Soulwars

This worries me. I have been sober for 3 months. That's not that long. I feel like it's been relatively effortless, although I have been dealing with the emotional roller coaster issues that have resulted from actually NOT killing them with alcohol.

I wasn't drinking enough to get drunk so that people would notice, but was very much using alcohol to keep me functioning in a non-functioning marriage. Truth be told, I still fight calling myself an alcoholic. But I guess since I was obsessed with making sure I had that bottle of wine at home and stressing if I knew it wasn't there, that would be at least a slight indication! Also, drinking alone so no one would ever know how much I drank, and hiding drinks so I could have more (love those boxed wines!) would probably also qualify me.

So I guess it just gets worse if you pick it up again. I haven't done it yet, but I know what you mean, that it is a thought I have that I am not really THAT bad and that I could be just "normal" again.

BirdOnWire

I think for those of us who have abused alcohol severely, we do alter our brain patterns and thus the zero to a hundred behaviour if we restart, but I'm not certain of the science behind that and shouldn't dole out scientific advice I suppose. But that's what I've read and that's what has happened to me in the past. And as long as I'm not drinking, I AM normal, normal as in not throwing up, not stock piling so I never run out, not going to work with a bloated face and blood shot eyes......and on. I am very happy to be this kind of normal, as in not sick. Please take care of yourself. You deserve to feel well.