KAD

The holiday season is not a particularly pleasant time for me, because it was 3 years ago exactly my life was really starting to spiral out of control due to my alcoholism. There were frequent blackouts, falls, passing out, tardiness from work, etc. Things are much better now than they were then, but I am still dealing with issues that came about because of all that. Since my sobriety date is 4/16/2015, it obviously got worse before it got better. I don't dwell in my past or continue to carry guilt over it, but I do find it useful to remind myself where I came from, and what's waiting for me if I ever pick up that bottle again.

For those here who are struggling to break free from their addictions, I understand what you're going through. I drank for most of the 28 years I was an "active" alcoholic. I was physically dependent for about the last 10 years of that, drinking around the clock and going through terrible withdrawals when I tried to stop. I understand the frustrations over trying and failing repeatedly. I'm living proof you can get past that hump and have lasting sobriety. I've never made it this far and I can honestly say, no matter what I've faced in life, I have not felt any significant urge to drink over it. It does get better. As long as you're alive, you have a fighting chance. Never give up hope.

doggonecarl

Perhaps someone struggling will carry this message of hope into the new year. Sober. Thanks.

DarklingSong

Thank you KAD. As one of the strugglers it is so helpful to read you post. Hoping to go into 2018 sober. Congratulations on your recovery.

corriec

KAD, thank you so much for this wonderful piece of progress, advice, and most important, hope. I know you've shared with all of us, but it almost felt as if it could have been written for me, personally. At times, I feel as if I'm so deeply mired in problems of all sorts - personal, financial, etc. - I cannot possibly get myself out of it. Then I read something like your post, and I realize I am not alone, neither are my problems unique, or I the first person to have to deal with them. What I do know, is that I will deal better with them if I remain sober.
Thanks again, and have a great 2018.
Corrie

SoberCAH

Thanks for sharing your ESH, KAD.

It's very moving.

It's been a long time since i drank, but i never forget the horrible, embarrassing consequences of my drinking.

"We shall not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."

BB First Edition

Dee74

Thank you for sharing that KAD

D

KAD

Wow... I was just reading back over my posts from 3 years ago, leading up to one on 4/14/2015, which was the day I lost my job due to drinking. I'd just spent a week in the hospital with DT's. My brain was so addled, I actually incorporated an hallucination into my memory of what happened that week. Less than 24 hours after that post, I totaled my car in a blackout, broke my neck, and had to be airlifted to a head trauma unit at another hospital. Even that wasn't enough. When I returned home the very next day, I saw a half-full bottle of vodka on my kitchen counter, and turned it up without a second thought. Of course!

That's when it hit me. I had just lost everything but the roof over my head, and even that was hanging in the balance. I was in a neck brace, couldn't see out of my left eye, had no job, no car, couldn't contact my kids, and they had no desire to speak to me. So what else would I reach for but the very thing that caused all these problems? That's when I realized I was truly insane. I poured the rest of the bottle down the drain and haven't had the urge to pick it up again since.

That isn't dwelling on the past, that's feeling grateful that I no longer live in that hellish existence. I have to remember it, and I'm glad I do. We have a tendency to forget the essence of pain. It's still an uphill climb at times, but it isn't nearly as steep these days. That's mostly because I'm doing it all sober now.