Warning to those who want to moderate
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
Warning to those who want to moderate
Hallo everyone.
I just want to send out a warning to those who are tempted to moderate their alcohol. I read loads on here about what a bad idea it is and totally agreed. Then after 7 months sober after a horrific detox, I met a man and I just wanted to be normal and share a glass of wine occasionally with him.
I can't believe how quickly it escalated. I ended up drinking far more than I ever was - a litre of vodka a day (I was on two bottle of wine a day before for years). I was terrified of telling anyone because my family went through hell supporting me so I started to taper as much as I could.
I obviously started withdrawing but bought weaker alcohol each time, but I couldn't do it. I coincidentally got a terrible kidney infection which landed me in hospital. I was shaking with temperature so I had lots of iv fluids and painkillers and unbeknown to them I detoxed whilst being treated for this.
However I've just had a concerned call from the Dr about my liver function tests, they're really bad. So here we go again.
Just don't do it, it's not possible, I don't think anyway :-(
I just want to send out a warning to those who are tempted to moderate their alcohol. I read loads on here about what a bad idea it is and totally agreed. Then after 7 months sober after a horrific detox, I met a man and I just wanted to be normal and share a glass of wine occasionally with him.
I can't believe how quickly it escalated. I ended up drinking far more than I ever was - a litre of vodka a day (I was on two bottle of wine a day before for years). I was terrified of telling anyone because my family went through hell supporting me so I started to taper as much as I could.
I obviously started withdrawing but bought weaker alcohol each time, but I couldn't do it. I coincidentally got a terrible kidney infection which landed me in hospital. I was shaking with temperature so I had lots of iv fluids and painkillers and unbeknown to them I detoxed whilst being treated for this.
However I've just had a concerned call from the Dr about my liver function tests, they're really bad. So here we go again.
Just don't do it, it's not possible, I don't think anyway :-(
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
glad you have been able to make it back,daisy. i notice in a past thread you attended an AA meeting or 2-i think that was about 6 or so years ago- and were given the big book. theres a couple lines in it i hope you can finally admit and accept:
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by daisy1 
I met a man and I just wanted to be normal and share a glass of wine occasionally with him.
I think another concept you might want to revisit is the notion that you somehow have to drink to be "normal". There are lots of people that are not alcoholics that choose not to drink alcohol, so it's really just as "normal" to not drink alcohol as it is to drink alcohol. The idea that we need to drink to be social, accepted or "normal" is a very addictive/alcoholic thought.
I hope you can stick around and join us for some conversation, and best wishes for things to work out with your doctor...our bodies are pretty amazing at how well they can recover if we treat them well.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
Thanks so much everyone. I go to a sobriety only group every Tuesday morning and it's two hours long. We explore so much stuff and it really helps. However, once you relapse you get booted out until sober for a month and go back the the SMART group - which happens to be about five doors down from my house! So don't worry I'm straight back there and hopefully I can pick apart the reason why I did this.
In my head I just wanted to be normal and for him not to know as I didn't want to lose him. He knows now and is fine with it - he is a social worker and knows how hard it is and says he doesn't care if he never drinks again (he is a normie, lucky git). Just one glass of wine lead to near chaos in about two months im rather shocked by it!
In my head I just wanted to be normal and for him not to know as I didn't want to lose him. He knows now and is fine with it - he is a social worker and knows how hard it is and says he doesn't care if he never drinks again (he is a normie, lucky git). Just one glass of wine lead to near chaos in about two months im rather shocked by it!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 323
Sorry to hear you went through that. I hope you're feeling better now.
Moderation and alcoholism just don't work. I tried to just drink two nights a week, telling myself it was ok to drink two bottles of wine on those nights as it was 'only' 4 bottles a week. How quickly that escalated to nearly every day was frightening.
No booze at all, ever. It's the only way. Glad you have a SMART meeting near you. I wish I did.
Moderation and alcoholism just don't work. I tried to just drink two nights a week, telling myself it was ok to drink two bottles of wine on those nights as it was 'only' 4 bottles a week. How quickly that escalated to nearly every day was frightening.
No booze at all, ever. It's the only way. Glad you have a SMART meeting near you. I wish I did.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Thank you so much for posting your lesson. I hope this dark reminder is the start of lifelong sobriety for you.
I really needed this reminder. Your drinking after attempting to moderate is just like my drinking was at the end. I am not like the others, either. All appearances, I look like a regular person with a family and a job, but I can’t drink like normal people and drinking is always off the table.
Best wishes for your continued healing and also your sobriety.
I really needed this reminder. Your drinking after attempting to moderate is just like my drinking was at the end. I am not like the others, either. All appearances, I look like a regular person with a family and a job, but I can’t drink like normal people and drinking is always off the table.
Best wishes for your continued healing and also your sobriety.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
I hope you are feeling better Daisy. A big thank you for posting. I am just past the 5 month mark sober. My AV has been trying to convince me to drink at Christmas. Just for one day. Part of me knows this is complete madness but the AV can be very convincing.
So glad you made it back. And thanks again for taking the time to emphasise the progressive nature of this addiction.
Best wishes.
So glad you made it back. And thanks again for taking the time to emphasise the progressive nature of this addiction.
Best wishes.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Daisy.
That sounds awful. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad you made it out of that spiral and are on the mend. Thank you for posting this reminder for all of us. We need to be reminded.
Take care of you. All of you. Be well
That sounds awful. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad you made it out of that spiral and are on the mend. Thank you for posting this reminder for all of us. We need to be reminded.
Take care of you. All of you. Be well
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Brit in New Zealand
Posts: 160
Best wishes to you, I hope you recover soon.
Yes, moderation is not possible for us. Been there, done that, bought the T shirt, threw up all over it, bought another one, rinse, repeat.
Last night was my first major craving since quitting ten days ago. The devil on one side was saying...go on...just ONE beer, but the sensible angel was saying...you've been down this road before, you can't moderate. It is true.
The million and one times I have tried to moderate always ends with me back on two bottles of Merlot plus four pints of lager nightly. Whether it takes days, weeks or months, the moderation never worked.
Yes, moderation is not possible for us. Been there, done that, bought the T shirt, threw up all over it, bought another one, rinse, repeat.
Last night was my first major craving since quitting ten days ago. The devil on one side was saying...go on...just ONE beer, but the sensible angel was saying...you've been down this road before, you can't moderate. It is true.
The million and one times I have tried to moderate always ends with me back on two bottles of Merlot plus four pints of lager nightly. Whether it takes days, weeks or months, the moderation never worked.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Posts: 732
Thank you all so much for your replies, it helps so much to know I'm not the only one. I know most of us relapse but I'm so cross with myself. At least my family didn't find out this time (God knows how).
Today I will clear out the many empty hidden bottles everywhere, it's disgusting. Hundreds of pounds worth of poison that has made me unwell!
It's nice to have a clear head and energy again!! I will go to my SMART in a while - I actually like going there it's like a family. There's a little kitchen where we all make tea and chat. Then we sit and talk individually for a while, then a topic is picked and discussed. I'm going to request that we talk about how and why this might have happened to me. The others will as always give their input, then the group leader will talk through SMART stuff to help us deal with it better .
Hope everyone has a good day/night/eve xxx
Today I will clear out the many empty hidden bottles everywhere, it's disgusting. Hundreds of pounds worth of poison that has made me unwell!
It's nice to have a clear head and energy again!! I will go to my SMART in a while - I actually like going there it's like a family. There's a little kitchen where we all make tea and chat. Then we sit and talk individually for a while, then a topic is picked and discussed. I'm going to request that we talk about how and why this might have happened to me. The others will as always give their input, then the group leader will talk through SMART stuff to help us deal with it better .
Hope everyone has a good day/night/eve xxx
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Ugh, those hidden bottles! I still cringe when I think of the huge stash I left behind in a laundry basket (in an attic alcove) during a move....
So glad you made it back this time. You can make this your last start. See you around here!
So glad you made it back this time. You can make this your last start. See you around here!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
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i tried to taper down for 4 years....hundreds and hundreds of starts and stops...i always failed in the end. For me, it just wasn't possible.
I landed in the hospital too. This last time with horrible organ issues. Liver, kidneys, heart, diabetes...it was BAD.
It took almost 18 months for my organs to heal. So give it time. you didn't get sick over night, you won't get well over night.
When I finally detoxed, and it was even tricky for the doctors trying to juggle all of the crap wrong with me i knew every relapse after that would need hospitalization. So i wouldn't be trying to do this on my own....my wife would see it...my kid would see it...F that.
This last time was almost 2 years ago. I think i finally just said "ENOUGH".
No more, I'm done."
Sobriety hasn't been nearly as hard this time as any other time because i think i finally have let go of the notion that i can ever ever drink again. It's just not possible if i want to continue to live.
For me, i have to keep things incredibly simple..
Ask yourself in every decision you make...
"is this good or bad for my sobriety?" if it's bad, it has to go.
The cravings will go away. It sucks for awhile, but they do go away. You just have to solider on and know that this journey has to start just like every other one and that's a single step in the right direction.
I landed in the hospital too. This last time with horrible organ issues. Liver, kidneys, heart, diabetes...it was BAD.
It took almost 18 months for my organs to heal. So give it time. you didn't get sick over night, you won't get well over night.
When I finally detoxed, and it was even tricky for the doctors trying to juggle all of the crap wrong with me i knew every relapse after that would need hospitalization. So i wouldn't be trying to do this on my own....my wife would see it...my kid would see it...F that.
This last time was almost 2 years ago. I think i finally just said "ENOUGH".
No more, I'm done."
Sobriety hasn't been nearly as hard this time as any other time because i think i finally have let go of the notion that i can ever ever drink again. It's just not possible if i want to continue to live.
For me, i have to keep things incredibly simple..
Ask yourself in every decision you make...
"is this good or bad for my sobriety?" if it's bad, it has to go.
The cravings will go away. It sucks for awhile, but they do go away. You just have to solider on and know that this journey has to start just like every other one and that's a single step in the right direction.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Brit in New Zealand
Posts: 160
Hiding bottles and cans, ah yes that was great fun (not) That was another big decider for me - I was sick and tired of the lying and sneaking around.
Gathering a few at a time in my handbag (too many and they would clink on my way out the door and my folks would hear) then dropping them off at the supermarket recycling bins. Hiding them in my hand luggage bag in the wardrobe then forgetting I put it there.
Sneaking around and hiding the evidence is draining, constantly trying to stay one step ahead of sober people. I was tired of living a lie.
Gathering a few at a time in my handbag (too many and they would clink on my way out the door and my folks would hear) then dropping them off at the supermarket recycling bins. Hiding them in my hand luggage bag in the wardrobe then forgetting I put it there.
Sneaking around and hiding the evidence is draining, constantly trying to stay one step ahead of sober people. I was tired of living a lie.
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
Yes, moderation is not possible for us. Been there, done that, bought the T shirt, threw up all over it, bought another one, rinse, repeat.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
I suppose it's a testament to how little I think of drinking nowadays that when I saw the thread title, I didn't associate the term "moderate" with alcohol use -- I thought it was referring to becoming a "moderator" on the SR board. "Now, why would anyone think that might be dangerous?", I asked myself. Then I clicked on the thread and said, "D'oh!"
Seriously, for me it's the only aspect of addiction recovery that's totally black and white. Once I crossed the line into addiction, the only possible solution was total abstinence. There is no such thing as a return to "moderation." Believe me, I tried! And tried, and tried, and tried...
Seriously, for me it's the only aspect of addiction recovery that's totally black and white. Once I crossed the line into addiction, the only possible solution was total abstinence. There is no such thing as a return to "moderation." Believe me, I tried! And tried, and tried, and tried...
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
An alcoholic able to moderate his/her drinking is a contradiction in terms. If I could moderate I wouldn't be an alcoholic! Thanks so much for your post, it's important to always remember this.
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