Shitzupuppy

Last year, at the same neighborhood party, I was drunk drunk drunk. This year, I was sober. To be honest, it wasn’t much fun for me. I had more fun last year.
My wife had a bottle of wine.

Just wallowing in the sadness of not being able to drink like others.

I didn’t drink. I wasn’t tempted but I was a little down about it.

doggonecarl

This is a reoccurring theme in your posts of late. Sobriety isn't a punishment, you shouldn't feel deprived. Some component of your recovery is lacking. I hope you find what is missing. Because alcoholics who miss drinking...usually end up drinking.

Shitzupuppy

No, I disagree that something is missing. I can feel the loss and mourning of an old dead friend.
I don’t post my own threads very often, but if I do feel the desire to say I’m sad about it, I post.

Maudcat

I get it, Shitzupuppy.
I too mourned the loss of my good friend alcohol at first.
I missed drinking and resented that I couldn’t and others could.
But I truly didn't want to revisit the havoc that my drinking had caused, and in time my resentment fell away.
Good luck and good thoughts.

HTown

Last year when you were drunk drunk drunk were you ashamed the next day? the shame just got too much for me. I do not miss drinking at all. hang in there

Stayingsassy

That’s why I didn’t go to the Halloween party this year. The cost benefit analysis didn’t add up. I hear it gets better? Hopefully.

I think it’s more that the event I’m going to has to actually be a fun thing. We propped a lot of bs events up with booze so take that away, and if it’s not genuinely fun, we won’t be into it.

Dee74

Being around drinkers intent on getting wasted is not much fun for me either, so I don't tend to do it if I don't have to.

You're an AVRT person right? Might be worth looking at the feeling of missing something (or loss or mourning if you want to use that nomenclature) and sadness from that angle?

D

JeffreyAK

I generally avoided drinking parties like that in early recovery. Initially I didn't want to be tempted, but gradually and eventually mostly, I just didn't want to hang around drunk people. Still don't, years later. Everyone's different, but by the time I finally quit all illusions of "fun" and "happy" had been destroyed, and all that was left was shock and awe and fear. Next time you feel you're missing something, maybe play the tape through? You drink, what happens next? And after that? Would a good old friend do those things to you?

Shitzupuppy

I’m not sure how to begin to do that. Do you have any references?

icoi87

I understand how you feel. I went out with friends recently sober and ended up leaving early. I didn’t want to drink, but I just felt distant from all my friends. I’ve decided for me personally I don’t want to be in that situation anymore. Like someone else said, we realize when booze is removed that a lot of things we used to do aren’t really even fun. If my drink friends want to see me, we can go to lunch or coffee. I think it will get easier (that’s what they tell me ) Hang in there.

ScottFromWI

That's a very alcoholic/addictive statement Shitzu. I felt the same way for a time too, but I was eventually able to accept that not drinking is not a punishment, it's a choice. And it is a choice that is a better one for me - my life is better in every single aspect because I don't drink anymore. My health is better ( mental and physical ), my relationships with my family and friends are better, my job performance and career outook is better, I could go on and on.

Part of my problem was that I was initially trying to just live the same life I lived before minus the alcohol. AKA - I still hung out with my drinking buddies and went a lot of places they did, but found that it really wasn't that much fun. Sure i COULD go to those places and "not drink" - but it wasn't very much fun, as you just found.

One of things that I sometimes think about is my son who has a pretty severe peanut allergy. I know alcoholism is not technically an allergy, but he does not feel "punished" because he cannot eat peanuts. He just doesn't eat them. I kind of look at my relationship with alcohol the same way - there is something about my body/mind that simply will not allow me to drink alcohol in a safe/controlled fashion. And I'm OK with that. Sure i'm different from other people in that respect, but I"m different from other people in a lot of ways - we all are.

tomsteve

what it reads like is ya were trying to get something out of it rather than trying to add to the occasion.
, it wasn’t much fun for me. I had more fun last year.
why not get out of yourself next time and add to the pleasure of the people around you?

it reads quite a bit like self centeredness and self pity.
solutions for both,too!

SoberCAH

I grieved my loss of alcohol for a reasonably short period, although the grief of losing the only thing which seemed to give me what relief I could muster (at least until it quit working) was profound.

I discussed it at length with the counselors at the treatment center I attended.

But I also actively worked a program of recovery, which helped (or made) me channel my focus in more productive directions.

I urge against the notion of going to drinking affairs in the first year or so of recovery.

Your mileage may vary, but I am extremely protective of my sobriety, and I have made many, many sacrifices over the years to keep it.

The benefits of sobriety have dwarfed those sacrifices.

saoutchik

There is a degree of seperation that comes with being the non drinker with drinking friends but if you can accept that begore hand you can then enjoy the evening from a different standpoint than that of a drinker, it is less of a loss then. Glad you made through OK.

StevenBo

Parties become useless and no fun at some point, in the beginning of my sober life I didn't skip one, gradually it stopped to interest me, I prefer to go for a diner and go home, no bars. I find it OK, but when others drink, time is so long for me...I just can't get what they are doing for 3-4 hours at a bar when I am bored after 1 drinking my tea!

Wholesome

I know what you mean Shitzpuppy. There have been a few times where I was around others drinking or saw something on TV and I felt the loss of being able to party. I had some good times. I let myself feel that way for a moment and move on. To me that's living with residual desire, I might always have those fleeting moments of nostalgia..... so what? It won't shake my BP. How about you? Does is make any difference in your future plan for alcohol use?

Shitzupuppy

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies.
I have no desire to start drinking. I don’t feel tempted. These weren’t my drinking buddies.
I /we have to go to these neighborhood parties from time to time to see and be seen. I guess part of the dullness was that I have an injury and small procedure friday which kept me planted in a chair most of the night.

I will work on the resentment and try to create my own fun times, when we go to these things. Most of the time, say, 95%, I’m cruisin thru the day, happy as a clam! I have a lots of great changes in my life from being sober.

Doug39

I am one year sober. More and more I am avoiding the places I used to go and the people I used to hang out with.


My wife still drinks everyday. Most days she gets drunk. She does most of her drinking at home. Once she is loaded I leave the room and go do something else. I used to go to bars with her and drink ginger ale but lately she goes out alone.

My sponsors tell me either someday she will join me in sobriety or we will grow apart - I can face whatever will be.

I never do this. It is a waste of time and energy.

I used to feel out of place in early sobriety but like I already said, more and more I am spending my time at positive sober places with positive sober people.

Bunny211

I agree. I thin k it takes a long time and you do need to mourn alcohol. I am still mourning it. Never let anyone tell you that your feelings are invalid. I miss being able to drink BEFORE I fell on my face and became a drunk. I do not miss the end of my drinking, that was misery. Thinking of what it was like at the end keeps me from ever picking up. But do I miss life 10 years ago before I was a full fledged alkie, you bet I do! I am working to build a life I love NOW but that takes time. I am still not content at 2.5 years sober. It takes a very long time...unless you were someone who was a full blown drunk from the beginning...which I was not. The path is different for all of us. Your truth is your truth.