DD931

This is it! My last day one
Yesterday I had about 3 - 4 ounces of rum to stop my violent shakes and got some sleep with a benzo. I am TIRED of BEING SICK and tired.

I'm gonna need your help to get me through this day ...
My boyfriend is the least supportive person in my life so I'm leaning on all of your shoulders today .
My last stretch of sobriety was amazing I have so many great things to look forward to.
This is the time to get a very solid plan going because I don't see myself making it through my next bender alive. The cycle stops now

I'm tired of writing the relapse posts and day1 posts... I'm gonna make it through and be here to support others once I do

It's kinda sad.. It took me a lot of relapses to finally realize I actually cannot ever have one drink

This is bottom and it's a long way back up

Soberandhealthy

I'm here for you I'm on the same boat.

I'm kind of happy I won't drink anymore alcohol just brought shame and misery to my life. I want to be free

Keep posting!

benjaminjkey

You can do this!! I'm also tired of letting it run my life!

DD931

Thank you !

nez

I too had to do a lot research before I came to the conclusion that having just one drink, only meant... one at a time. When that one drink was done, repeat. Crazy cycle, but I was stubborn.

Today I am teachable. Today I have over14 years of not having... just one drink. Wouldn't trade it for all the just ones in the world!

Ariesagain

Rooting for you!

Remember, it's the booze telling you it's impossible to live without and it lies.

You can do this.

ScottFromWI

Glad you have made the choice to quit for good DD. You'll find a lot of support here so spend as much time as you like. Please be careful too - if you are having violent shakes/tremors that can lead to even more serious complications too, even if you've never had them in previous detox attempts. I'm assuming you have talked with a doctor about it if you have access to benzos, but please do if you haven't. It's a lot better to be safe than sorry.

doggonecarl

You sound desperate. Desperate enough to do whatever it takes to get sober? One way to gage your level of desperation to see how willing you are to do things you rejected before.

It's one thing to say in your first post, "AA is not for me"

It's another to still be clinging to that.

DD931

I am desperate. I never want to feel this way again. Has anyone tried online meetings?

NYCDoglvr

When I got desperate I crawled on my hands and knees to AA because I thought it was impossible to stop drinking. I took suggestions and stayed sober thanks to the support of others. So how desperate are you?

BullDog777

Be very very careful in mixing booze and benzos. They feed the same neural transmitters and they can slow your breathing down enough to cause respiratory arrest in your sleep.

RapidMan

I know only too well the cycle of sobriety and relapse.

I'm in my latest round of sobriety, trouble is I've lost count how many times I've been through this and I agree it gets exhausting,

My plan this time is not to just to do the same as I always have before, you know the Einstein saying "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results" is the definition of insanity, it kinda sums up a lot of alcoholics.

Read my latest post, it may apply to you, but I decided I can't do it alone again, because it always sooner or later, results in a relapse, at least it does for me.

I'm trying the AA route this time to try to make it stick. Maybe that will or won't work for you, but whatever just resolve NOT to 'do' the same as you have before!