eve123

I'm 6 weeks sober after a relapse and inpatient 4 weeks in rehab. Feeling emotional feel like a needy pathetic woman. My ex who I had being seeing again although it wasn't a healthy relationship think he's a narssisist. Has yet again decided I'm not good enough and just cut me off. I do have to have contact with him due to the fact my son lives with him most of the time. Long story. Anyways I tried again with him after being discarded more than once. I feel so hurt n rejected. He didn't even bother talking to me just said he no longer cares and I have a screw lose and for me to stop hassling him. I'm not just wanted some sign he cared but seems not. So iv been dumped as useless again. I'm so angry that I put myself there again and I just feel so abandoned n not good enough. I'm not going bk to drinking not an option but all this is causing me resentment and my head hurts. He also is not over his ex wife I don't think so everything he said to me about being a familiy etc was lies. Why why why am I hurting again feel like a total fool. Has to share I'm alone with my kids n I can't get to meeting n my sponsors working. Why did I let my self respect why did I let this man hurt me again. He s just pushed me away laughing so it seems. I hate this illness just fed up at moment and lost and lonely sorry for rant and pity pot but it's how u feel like a failure in every department a joke sad

Berrybean

Sorry you're feeling bad.

But you know, it hasn't been so long since you were still drinking - it takes a while to clear the wreckage of our past.

He is your ex. Do you think that perhaps you had been harbouring hopes that you'd get sober and he'd suddenly want to get back together and lt bygones be bygones?

I went to a meeting once livid with a family member, moaning and griping about how bad they were making me feel. An old timer asked me "is that the first time he's done that?" I told them no, he's always been like that, blah, blah, blah. The oldtimer quietly asked me "So why did you think he'd be any different today?" He explained to me that it wasn't my relative that was causing my hard feelings. It was my faulty expectations.

Is there some ement of you hopes / expectations that could possibly be adjusted with regards to your ex do you think? Because, much as I wanted to punch that old-timer guy in the face when he told me about expectations, I soon learned that he was so, so right. And when I adjust my expectations then life doesn't sting so much.

Anyway - hugs to you. I know this stuff is hurty. But it does get easier. Do you have any other numbers from the fellowship (other women) you could call to chat? I know the calling is hard as well, knowing what to say and all if its not someone you know so well.

Take care. BB

Berrybean

PS I had a fair few screws loose at 6 weeks sober, as did most people I know. I'm not saying that it was kind or loving of him to say what he did, but it might be worth considering that you might not be coming across as your most balanced and sane self right at this point in your life. It's just part of the journey - but at that stage of our journey its kind of important to stay in the middle of our rescue boat and away from people who are not healthy for us. We are incredibly sensitive and raw and those people are too painful to be around. It'd probably be doing yourself a favour to keep right away from him for a bit. x

eve123

Thanks for your words berrybean. I guess it was my expectations I thought he had changed. Since I had done some recovery work. He is still a daily drinker but looks down on me as an alcoholic I feel. The relationship was v bad few years back but I blamed it all on my drinking so did he and that time seems so long ago. I find it sooo hard to break away from him and am probably co dependent. However although things were a lot better this time he was still quite nasty to me emotionally. I know I need to let go but it's hard even though he has said he no longer cares for me I find it strange that a few weeks before I went to rehab he was professing his love for me now it's like I'm a stranger. Everything is so mixed up in my head and my self esteem so low but hoping with the help of the fellowship and going through the steps this will get better. Just feel so rejected and less than today x

Berrybean

Sounds like he might have his own issues with alcohol. Whatever - it def doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and that's the main thing for focus on for now. I expect that when you get to step 4 and unpick this using your inventories you'll find that some of it turnsout to be resentment at him and his part in things, and some of it will be your own part in it. Most relationships end up like that - it's rarely all one person or the other. When you're well-er you'll be ready to have a more healthy relationship and enjoy it.

Have you ready the CoDa handbook at all (Codependents Anon) - it's very interesting reading. I'd highly recommend it if you're a bit codie. I got mine via Amazon for Kindle.

BB

eve123

Yes you are right there is no going back. Working on my step four at the moment need clarity. I do have the Melodie Beattie books n have found them useful. I need to let go my sobriety must come first I can't do another relapse it's too painful and causes so much damage thanks xx

Berrybean

Well, I hope you're feeling a little better now Hedd.

I know it isn;t the same as getting to a meeting or chatting with your sponsor, but perhaps a dose of AA via a recovery speaker might help. My faves are Sandy Beach, Earl Hightower, Clancy (although maybe not just now if you're feeling sensitive), and Charlie C.

Actually this one always made me smile... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/aa-spe...-nevada-2006-2

Anyway - there's thousands to choose from... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/

Hugs.

BB

eve123

Thanks. I listen to the tapes each nice sandy b and the women as well. Il try your link tonight. Thank god for technology helps a lot when in termoil just to listen x

Berrybean

Yep - that first year for me the recovery tapes saved my sanity (such as it was hahaha) on more than one occasion!!

BB