Nearly 3 years and still struggle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1
Nearly 3 years and still struggle
Hi all, I hope you are all doing well.
I'm not sure where to start. I'm new to posting here, I do remember reading a lot on this site about 5 years or so years ago when I decided I needed to make a change but haven't posted and only recently just came across SR again. The short back story is I was a functioning alcoholic who drank daily for 10 years+. Things started to get really tough the last couple years of my drinking as my body couldn't take it anymore and it had officially caught up to me. My last drink was 09/18/2014. On that day I ended up in the ER, reached out to a close friend, admitted my problem to someone for the first time. Her amount of help has been huge early on and still to this day. She gave me some tough love and convinced me to tell my family. This was the support I needed and since then I've felt accountable for my actions and have managed to stay sober since. I was not prepared for living sober, I had become so dependent on alcohol and that life style that I've been kind of lost without it.
I have since met new people, found old and new hobbies, taken care of my body physically and eat healthy. I'm 6 weeks shy from 3 years sober and I hate to admit but this is still tough. For some reason I had in my head reaching 1 year was going to be life changing for me and it was anything but. I was down, depressed, anxiety high, basically just getting by. Fast forward 2 more years and I'm still feeling pretty much the same. I still want to drink, I still want to go out on weekends, I have the constant feeling that I can never relax and need to take a break. I told myself early on when I had quit that if I were to ever go back it would kill me and I truly know and believe it will. Yet, I still miss it.
Anniversary's have always been tough for me so I guess 3 years coming up has it on my mind more than it should be. I'm just venting I suppose. Sorry for the long post.
I'm not sure where to start. I'm new to posting here, I do remember reading a lot on this site about 5 years or so years ago when I decided I needed to make a change but haven't posted and only recently just came across SR again. The short back story is I was a functioning alcoholic who drank daily for 10 years+. Things started to get really tough the last couple years of my drinking as my body couldn't take it anymore and it had officially caught up to me. My last drink was 09/18/2014. On that day I ended up in the ER, reached out to a close friend, admitted my problem to someone for the first time. Her amount of help has been huge early on and still to this day. She gave me some tough love and convinced me to tell my family. This was the support I needed and since then I've felt accountable for my actions and have managed to stay sober since. I was not prepared for living sober, I had become so dependent on alcohol and that life style that I've been kind of lost without it.
I have since met new people, found old and new hobbies, taken care of my body physically and eat healthy. I'm 6 weeks shy from 3 years sober and I hate to admit but this is still tough. For some reason I had in my head reaching 1 year was going to be life changing for me and it was anything but. I was down, depressed, anxiety high, basically just getting by. Fast forward 2 more years and I'm still feeling pretty much the same. I still want to drink, I still want to go out on weekends, I have the constant feeling that I can never relax and need to take a break. I told myself early on when I had quit that if I were to ever go back it would kill me and I truly know and believe it will. Yet, I still miss it.
Anniversary's have always been tough for me so I guess 3 years coming up has it on my mind more than it should be. I'm just venting I suppose. Sorry for the long post.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 327
Hi! I'm also coming up on three years (last drink was Dec. 27, 2014) and I can relate to what you're saying. You're not alone. My desire to drink comes and goes in waves. It helps me to come to this forum when I go through the periods when I'm thinking about drinking. Posts like yours help me feel like I'm not alone and going through a shared experience.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I went through five sober years feeling a lot of the same before I relapsed.
The problem was that alcohol wasn't really my problem, it was my solution to my problems. So when I stopped drinking, that was all I did. I just took alcohol out of the equation without doing additional work on the actual base issues that caused me to use alcohol as my solution.
I now have over fourteen years of not drinking combined with fourteen years of self realization work and continual pursuit of my spiritual nature.
The difference is night and day.
The problem was that alcohol wasn't really my problem, it was my solution to my problems. So when I stopped drinking, that was all I did. I just took alcohol out of the equation without doing additional work on the actual base issues that caused me to use alcohol as my solution.
I now have over fourteen years of not drinking combined with fourteen years of self realization work and continual pursuit of my spiritual nature.
The difference is night and day.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to the posting side of things Trezrev. Congrats on 3 years of sobriety, that's a very respectable accomplishment. I was pretty much in the exact situation as you when I quit - although I drank for about 20 plus. It also caught up with me pretty quickly - the complications of my drinking increased exponentially in the last year or so. I also ended up in the ER - got taken there by a co-worker in the middle of a workday.
After being sober for about 2 years I also dealt with a lot of anxiety - it got a little better initially after I quit, but then worsened again. I finally decided that I had to seek professional help and it was a real life-changer. Many of us used alcohol to self-medicate underlying issues like anxiety and depression for years, decades even. But as we all know now, drinking actually makes those problems worse in time. And when we stop drinking, it doesn't fix those underlying issues - we have to address them as well. Have you ever spoken with a counselor or even a support group about your depression and anxiety? Both are very treatable conditions, many times without any meds too.
After being sober for about 2 years I also dealt with a lot of anxiety - it got a little better initially after I quit, but then worsened again. I finally decided that I had to seek professional help and it was a real life-changer. Many of us used alcohol to self-medicate underlying issues like anxiety and depression for years, decades even. But as we all know now, drinking actually makes those problems worse in time. And when we stop drinking, it doesn't fix those underlying issues - we have to address them as well. Have you ever spoken with a counselor or even a support group about your depression and anxiety? Both are very treatable conditions, many times without any meds too.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
My heart goes out to you trevrez. 3 years is a long time to suffer from untreated alcoholism.
Longest I made it was about a year the last time.... Prior efforts were like 6 months tops then drink. Getting to a year was tough but I knew my days were numbered...it wasn't "getting better" as it does for some people when they stop drinking.
AA didn't "get me sober" or even "keep me sober" but working the steps gave me a life I enjoyed and a life I wanted. I hope you find your way my friend.
Longest I made it was about a year the last time.... Prior efforts were like 6 months tops then drink. Getting to a year was tough but I knew my days were numbered...it wasn't "getting better" as it does for some people when they stop drinking.
AA didn't "get me sober" or even "keep me sober" but working the steps gave me a life I enjoyed and a life I wanted. I hope you find your way my friend.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
have you done anything other than stop drinking?
any chance this:
"I was down, depressed, anxiety high, basically just getting by. "
the same as when you were drinking?
reading that its still the same 2 years later, it reads like you havent done anything to address it- to find causes and conditions and solutions.
have ya taken a look at the underlying issues alcohol was a symptom of?
it reads like your still acting and thinking the same as when you were drinking?
wanna change all of that?
any chance this:
"I was down, depressed, anxiety high, basically just getting by. "
the same as when you were drinking?
reading that its still the same 2 years later, it reads like you havent done anything to address it- to find causes and conditions and solutions.
have ya taken a look at the underlying issues alcohol was a symptom of?
it reads like your still acting and thinking the same as when you were drinking?
wanna change all of that?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Ditto .... I learned the real problem was me and my attitudes which had to change if I wanted to stay sober. Doing the 12 Steps and service, helping other alcoholics is what made the real change in me. I don't think it's about happiness, it's about getting peace of mind. ?Congrats on three years, I agree anniversaries can be stressful.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome Trevrez - some good advice here already.
I can only add that once I built a life I loved I didn;t want to escape from it, and I guarded it with my life.
I was pretty ruthless at changing everything I knew needed to be changed in order for me to enjoy permanent recovery.
D
I can only add that once I built a life I loved I didn;t want to escape from it, and I guarded it with my life.
I was pretty ruthless at changing everything I knew needed to be changed in order for me to enjoy permanent recovery.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
It has already been said but I will say it again.
Just quitting drinking doesn't get you sober. You need to change your way of thinking.
AA can do that.
My alcoholic father quit drinking 25 years ago but he is the same miserable person he was when he was drinking - he never treated his alcoholism.
Just quitting drinking doesn't get you sober. You need to change your way of thinking.
AA can do that.
My alcoholic father quit drinking 25 years ago but he is the same miserable person he was when he was drinking - he never treated his alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 34
I know how you feel. I am in therapy and picked up some hobbies but I still feel a void. I feel like I'm missing something. When I was drinking (weekend drinker here) I would wake up feeling amazing, ready to conquer the day. I have not felt that way once since quitting. I will say that I am happy that I do not have the hangovers but some days I feel as though I do. I am 18 months sober and work every day to fill that void.
I, like you, know that I cannot go back. That is not the solution. I will keep searching. I hope you do too.
I, like you, know that I cannot go back. That is not the solution. I will keep searching. I hope you do too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by nez 
I went through five sober years feeling a lot of the same before I relapsed.
The problem was that alcohol wasn't really my problem, it was my solution to my problems. So when I stopped drinking, that was all I did. I just took alcohol out of the equation without doing additional work on the actual base issues that caused me to use alcohol as my solution.
I now have over fourteen years of not drinking combined with fourteen years of self realization work and continual pursuit of my spiritual nature.
The difference is night and day.
The problem was that alcohol wasn't really my problem, it was my solution to my problems. So when I stopped drinking, that was all I did. I just took alcohol out of the equation without doing additional work on the actual base issues that caused me to use alcohol as my solution.
I now have over fourteen years of not drinking combined with fourteen years of self realization work and continual pursuit of my spiritual nature.
The difference is night and day.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I agree with the others who have posted, in that being sober is one thing, but being in Recovery is something quite different. For me, at 3 years and 5 month sober, without the recovery work that I do on a daily basis, sobriety would be uncomfortable, probably painful at times, and frankly possibly even unsustainable. With the short amount of time that I spend each day (when engaged with my program) I tend not to get into a place of disturbance very often. On the occassions where the business of life takes over and I don't do the work, then I can start feeling rattled again. Enough proof (for me anyway) that I do need to work my program on a daily basis, and that recovery needs to be an ongoing commitment for me if I want to be happy and feel at peace with the world, and stay relieved of the compulsion to drink.
I hope you will find some options for recovery work and give them a good go so that you can get to feel the full benefit of a life of sobriety.
BB
I hope you will find some options for recovery work and give them a good go so that you can get to feel the full benefit of a life of sobriety.
BB
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