Debbyjay

Hi all, I am new to this forum. Thank you for being here. I know I have to quit drinking but I am afraid. I am afraid to be without wine, drug of my choice. I'm afraid to face the evenings alone. I'm afraid of detox. I'm afraid of getting liver disease. I'm afraid of anyone knowing that I am a closet alcoholic.
I divorced my husband of 2 years because his drinking, using, lying, binges, and taking off had become too much. I started drinking again when we married and now, that he is gone, I am drinking daily and up to a bottle of wine a day. So he is recovering and I am stuck in alcohol. I'd love any input you have to offer.

Susiegirl

Deb, there is absolutely nothing to be scared of. I am on my own and currently on Day 13. You have more to be scared of if you continue to drink. I am currently a work in progress however I am finding it easier and easier every day. My life has its issues but I am in a better way to deal with them than when I am burying my thoughts in alcohol. You will have cravings and you will have some low moments but you have to live in the now and take it one day at a time. Don't look too far into the future because that will put you off. Baby steps all the way. I have surprised myself - if I can do it - anyone can x

Doug39

Fear of change, fear of sobriety and fear of living without booze is what kept me stuck in an alcoholic haze for 27 long years.

I didn't want to die but I didn't want to live either.

It is hard to change but you have to do it - AA and God is how I did it. You have to completely change your life and your way of thinking.

FBL

Deb, I think most of us felt this way to one degree or another. Anxiety and worry are a by-product of our addiction. When we decide to surrender, then the true recovery can begin. If you get and stay sober, then I can almost certainly guarantee that your anxiety will lessen and your mind and body can began to heal. Alcoholism gets progressively worse and worse, whereas recovery gets progressively better and better. The key is you've got to WANT to be sober more than you want to drink.

Dee74

Everyone here was afraid Debbyjay

I was. I did everything with a drink - my drinking defined me - I had no idea who I was without alcohol...

but the support here got me through, I rediscovered a me I;d forgotten about and I've built a sober life I love

If I (and the other folks here) can do it so can you - you're not alone

Welcome to SR
D

least

Welcome to the family.

I was afraid to get sober too. But I took a leap of faith and now I'm happily sober almost 8 yrs.

I hope we can help you achieve lasting sobriety.

PhoenixJ

WELCOME. Fear is what I do...and socially isolating. More time for career drinking. AA/SMART meetings help. Support to you.

PhoenixJ

..and counselling.

Debbyjay

Thanks everyone. Today is my first day. I am set up for at home detox. I took my B complex, drank lots of water, made infused water for tomorrow. I will drink no alcohol today.

waynetheking

Debbiejay hi, I'm Wayne.
Fear keeps us from changing. Alcoholism really induces fear. Makes it worst. But I can you tell based on my experience that once you stop drinking, the fear go's away fairly quick. You will gain confidence. It's a new freedom. It's one of many benefits of putting down the bottle.
Don't drink tomorrow. Come back here and let us know how your doing. We're here for ya.

FBL

How are you this morning, Debby? Hopefully you'll stick around SR. Lots of great support here to get you thru. Remember, the first week is always the hardest. Helps to have a recovery plan in place for when you start to feel better. That's when you'll need to stay focused.

Debbyjay

Thanks for asking. One day down (sounds silly) and I'm doing good. Feeling a little groggy this a.m. And have a slight headache but feel very good about my new plan. Today is day 2 and I look forward to success. I have my infused water ready to go for the day. I have a busy day, so will certainly be distracted until about 6 p.m.-which is when the temptation bites me. But I feel very positive!

Jules714

Hi. I think it's safe to say that we were all afraid. I know I still am on different ways and only some days. Today is a crap day, but this too shall pass. And that's not fluff. It will and it'll be back again. Forever.
I am just better off without Alcohol. Alcohol made a mountain out of a mole hill. Repeatedly.
My past is not unlike yours. My ex-husband was an alcoholic/addict. He got sober before me. Now I'm sober for a half a minute. Feels good.
Congrats on day 2. It's a very rough spot. One if the leading reasons why I never want to drink again. Day 2s.
You're doing great. Keep it up. By day 5 you'll be so markedly better.
GL,
Jules

Grungehead

It was a lonely feeling when I reached the point where it felt like drinking and sobriety were equally frightening choices to make. You're making the right choice getting sober now as it only becomes more difficult with time.

Debbyjay

GL, why is Day 2 so hard? I seriously almost blew it! I invited a couple of friends over tonight because evenings are the hardest. And I decided somewhere in me that if they didn't come, I would go get wine. They came and I told them everything! So here I am at the end of day 2, heading for bed and NO alcohol!

clem24

Since you know you need help, getting one won't be a problem. First, go for counseling and the sooner the better. You are afraid of liver disease but that's one of the things drinking can cause....

Dee74

Use the support here debbyjay - we're here 24/7

D

fini

Debby, way to go on telling your friends!
that crazy bargaining with yourself, somehow leaving it up to chance or fate with the if this or if that...insane! screwy thinking!
you know it.

it's great to have supportive friends, and good they did come over, but you will need to find the way forward for you that doesn't depend on whether outside circumstances go one way or the other.
stick around, read lots, be involved...you can do this!

fini

how are things with you today, Debby?

NulaMeansZero

I think we are all afraid in the beginning......

BUT you need to realized this first.......

Absolutely NOTHING BAD is going to happen when you start your sobriety!

You will become stronger each day, you will work at becoming the person you want to be each day, and the results will make you cry for joy!

You deserve it and it starts with you and only you........

We are cheering for you!!!