FoleyUK

So I'm currently on my 10th day of not drinking. So far I feel things are going good, however tonight I've been invited out to the pub for the pub quiz. This is something I've done a lot in the past. I want to go out as I don't want to lose my social life with not drinking but I'm unsure how to handle it. When I've tried not drinking in the past I've always caved, whether that be because someone bought me a drink and I just drank it or I eventually gave in on my own as the night went on.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice or tips on how to do this. I'm not sure I'm ready to get into my sobriety with friends yet as I'm still coming to terms with what I'm doing on my own.
I'm up early for training in the morning so I know that is a valid excuse and reason for not drinking, but I've had that in the past and I still gave in to temptation. I don't think anyone would question me not drinking as it's a week night, it's more my anxiety and nerves about just being out there around it and not trying to use it. I feel pretty confused in all honesty.

Thanks in advance for any help.

ScottFromWI

To be perfectly honest, my suggestion would be to not go. You have a laundry list of reasons not to right in your post. Especially at such an early stage of sobriety why risk it? I personally don't hang out in bars at all anymore, even several years into sobriety. Certainly I could go to a bar and not drink, but I don't see a reason to. For me getting sober meant major changes in my life...both in the people I hung around with and also the places I did it. AKA: you don't need to hang out at a pub to have a social life.

JeffreyAK

Might be a good time to come up with alternative things to do instead of going to the pub, where it sounds like you will certainly drink? If you've always caved in the past, the issue is probably going to the pub with your drinking friends in the first place, not what things you do or how you think while you're at the pub with your drinking friends. 10 days is great, but it's still very early.

tomsteve

the only advise i can give is reread your post and spot the glaring red flags.
russian roullette- a game i quit playing.

Bunny211

10 days is VERY early on.
I am over 2 years sober and I still do not usually go to bars and pubs unless I have a very good reason to go.
I agree with the others....might be a good time to develop new hobbies and interest that don't revolve around alcohol.

SteelRes211

If you can avoid going without sending up too many red flags about our disease than don't go.

An excuse that I use now as to why I'm not drinking (only a select few know I'm an alcoholic, I'm kinda private about personal things) is: The Doctor changed my blood pressure medication and suggests that I don't drink until we see if its working. Works like a charm and have yet to have anybody question me. I would rather not be around booze but my job requires me to entertain clients so bars/restaurants are unavoidable.

And big BUT here, if you feel that the temptation will be too great, stay away as ten days sober is a great start. Just my 2 cents.

Jules714

I once heard an older gentleman speak in an AA Meeting (discussion: topic people, places, things) state that early in his sobriety he did not go to his daughters wedding reception bc he don't *need to be there. He *needed to walk her down the aisle and he did. He needed to be there when his grandchildren were born and he was. To this day he and his wife take separate cars to events. He goes for the events and leaves as the party starts.
I found it really profound.

I'm very early in my sobriety and I know for me there are places I do not belong.
I'm not willing to risk putting myself in danger anymore.
GL,
Jules

MachinistGuy

Ten days is a bit early I reckon. I think it might be an idea to make an excuse and concentrate on your plans to stay off the beer.

But in the long run you do NOT have to give up your pub social life as well as alcohol. I go to the pub nearly every day and drink orange juice or coke.
People around you will soon get used to the novelty of having someone there who doesn't drink alcohol.

Dee74

Hi Foley

Yeah I really identify with that.

Recovery brings some tough decisions.

When I quit drinking I knew I had to change my life.

I had to put clear distance between who I had been and who I wanted to become.

That meant missing out on some social stuff - for a while.

I didn't sit at home and fester in the dark - I went out for pizza, coffee, movie dates, walks - anything that didn't need to involve alcohol...

but I left the pub and places like it to the drinkers.

Now, after a little time and effort, I can go anywhere and do anything...

but I'm glad I put that time in at the beginning - the dividends from that are still paying off now.

D

paulokes

Hello Foley!

Lots has been said already, guess I would leave it to your conscience and judgement.

But...pub quizzes in the UK...pretty much an excuse (for most) to go and sit in the pub and have something useful to do other than admit we're just going to get drunk. An excuse for the landlord to fill his pub with drinkers on a night when they usually wouldn't go out and drink.

Is that really a good place for me to be as a recovering alcoholic?

A friend of mine asked me early in his recovery what I thought about drinking non alcoholic beer. My answer..."Personally, I'm not sure what I would be after..." Like going to a brothel while insisting I was just after a kiss

He started drinking NA beer and shortly afterwards moved on to the hard stuff before quitting for good.

Sitting in a pub quiz for me...similarly...not sure what I would be after. ..

There is a world of social opportunity outside of the pub. Days gone by everything in the uk revolved around the village pub. Not so anymore.

P

FoleyUK

Thanks for the replies. As it happens I decided to stay in. I realised late in the day it wasn't a good idea and decided against it. Obviously I've a lot to work on before going out like that. Just seeing how easy it is for old instincts to kick in is quite scary. More distance is definitely what I need right now.

The sad thing I've noticed is that every single thing I seem to do socially involves people drinking. Even if it's just going round to someone's house. Wine and beer is always offered and being drank. Challenging time.

August252015

^^^Ditto, ditto, ditto.

My social life is rich and full, here at 17 mo sober, and I have ruthless cultivated plenty of people who "have a seat at my table," with whom I do all kinds of things, and none of them involve ME drinking. Getting sober can require a lot of change- especially your social life as it is NOW - but for me and many others, that turns out to be one of the best parts of our sobriety.

Those who don't support your decision or pressure you to drink, or simply engage in going to places that "aren't good for you" as a newly sober person....maybe not your real friends going forward. Or maybe they will be, as you gain confidence in your sober decision making.

At 10 days....At 30...At 90....now at 514 - I only choose people, places and practices that match my lifestyle and support both myself and any cohort living our best lives.

Outonthetiles

Don't go out. It's way too early in your recovery for that nonsense. I can't even imagine why you would want to do that. All of this is about new choices and new experiences and going out is just essentially empty, boring and meaningless. As Roger Daltrey said that about Keith Moon, Keith's going out night after night was his way of looking for something that isn't there.

FoleyUK

I agree, I'm glad I didn't go. Since Wednesday I've side stepped 2 other pub/drinking occasions. I know I'm doing the right thing.