hockeyplayer28

Oh boy here we go.. I have done this many times, quit and then returned. I scared to even try this, but I have to stop this cycle. I have quit for months at a time, but this time it is worse. I may go three or four days without drinking then drink all weekend and may one day during the week. I know that I have a problem with abuse of this drug and I do want to stop, I am worried for my health, because I know this is a slow cancer that consumes. I am terrified that I am slowly killing myself.

I come here for support again. I am not a big fan of AA, the AA meetings I have been to, were not great experience. Looks like people have traded their addictions, a bunch of smoking, coffee drinking addicts. It was a real turn off. I know there are lots of groups and you have to find one you fit into. I just didn't identify with that whole thing. I had a great AA group before I had to move, and they were awesome, but where I am at now, I just can't do it.

Anyway, I am 58 years young, in good shape, bike, do strength training and have lost 50lbs over the last few years to be healthier. I went through a rough patch in my marriage and my wife started drinking wine at that time. Brought alcohol into our house. First it was a few glasses of wine, then I could drink a big bottle and half, then to rum, and now on Saturday, I drank from noon until tent hat night and had a half gallon of Captain. I still feel a little weak today. Anyway, I can't control it, I have my moments, but it has me. I am terrified to be sober, I am worried about what I will do, I meant that is our thing on the weekend. Workout so I can have the calories to drink. I look forward to it, and that is why I know I have a problem. Plus once I get started, you never know, I may have a few or I may have twenty, you just never know.

Anyway, glad to be back here. Thanks for listening. I will be back often succeed or fail for support.

doggonecarl

I know I often recommend a trial period for newcomers to sobriety, those that don't know if they have a problem. So, I say, quit for a while and see how it goes. If it's a struggle, then you know you have a problem.

But you aren't a newcomer, and you know you have a problem. A thirty-day challenge sounds like you are just dipping your toe in the pool of recovery.

Jump in. Quit for good. Forever. Avoid the trap that befalls many who try a thirty-day challenge--drinking on day 31.

Upstairs

Hey there hockeyplayer28! I kinda had the same thinking years back. I would work all day, hit the gym after work, return home and work in the yard, etc etc and I felt I deserved to drink at the end of the day. Eventually, the drinking part takes over the other parts of the day as well. I hope you succeed.

thomas11

I too have been in the trap of working or working out really hard to give myself "permission" to drink excessively. It just stopped working. I'm a bit younger than you but the toll is was taking on my health was evident. I value my health and I realized I can't drink and be healthy. Hopefully you'll come to that conclusion. A half gallon of rum is a healthy amount for a day, surprised you only feel weak. Anyway it looks like you've been around this site for 13 years, maybe try recovery or sobriety for a good long time. Wish you the best.

NulaMeansZero

Just Do it. We're the same when I read your post and I just landed on day 30 today!

We have this strong personality that says" **** it , were in shape, we can have both, healthy lifestyle with a over abundance of alcohol, its just that we like to party, or we like to get numb or whatever ******** excuse we come up with.

Fact of the matter is that , WE have a issue with Alcohol, dont lie to yourself like I did, you cant have just one, you cant. Either can I !

Take the 30 day off, then see where it goes from there, you can totally do it , its just a mind F%&K, some hurdles in the beginning like "what do I do if Im not drinking" that was a big one for me.

Time and time again I read on here about ALL OF US that relapse after a good time off of booze, just to re write the same BS a few months later, I made a mistake I thought I could drink........

No We Cant, thats why Im here, to hear the Vets on this forum tell me their war stories and realizes that , others can BUT we cant, and you know whats thats fine!!! Let them drink , but for you and me, lets go do something else with our time. Lets go work out and be the strongest human being on your block with your chin in the air , proud that you love yourself enough to save your life, here's a quote.

"Its not about getting sober, its about loving yourself enough to not drink!"

58 and in great shape, that's awesome and I hope to be like you in that way , make your self do it, for you.....