ThatWasTheOldMe

...and everyone hates you anyways. But you still don't drink because you know what will happen if you do.

Awake61

There are some moments I feel like this, but I believe it to be the beast trying to recapture me. Not listening to it. Yes, and do know what will happen if I drink again.....

Dee74

My head would tell me that stuff too. Not a shred of proof.

The early days are tough - but not drinking is the only way out of Dodge TWTOM.

Keep posting - we're here to help.

least

After I had been sober for a good while, I lost that feeling of worthlessness and shittty self esteem.

waynetheking

I did a lot of stupid and inconsiderate things to and with people while drinking. Unfortunately it's part of alcoholism. It brings out the worst of us and clouds our judgment. People that are not alcoholics don't understand this at times. They think alcoholism is a character defect. I disagree with that notion.

Don't beat yourself up over this. Just stay sober and give it a chance to work. You will be happy with the outcome. TRUST US.
Hang in there buddy, hi, I'm wayne.

Ananda

I have learned how to remember that my mind is often a liar, and that just because I think it...doesn't make it true.

Hang in there and surround yourself with those who will remind you that you are a person who deserves respect and caring just as all human beings. You are not the worst. That is an illusion and yes, my alcoholism can use that as an excuse to drink.

Glad you posted and stay here!

PhoenixJ

....when I woke up from a coma- with major, fatal burns and my family had disowned me. I was self indulgent in pity party mode after hospital for a short time until the silence of my own loneliness gave me a choice- stop drinking and die literally in the gutter- or fight. I fought. It was easier than despair. There are people who do care- not as family do with some. My responsibility is mine- and mine alone. The burns stuff happened in late August 2015. I am 20 months sober now and safe. The choice is mine. As it is yours. You care enough to have posted. Stop drinking and get help. Go to a meeting. See a doctor. Go to rehab. Counselling. Do little steps- every day. Support to you. You need to care.

ThatWasTheOldMe

My current roommate wouldn't even want to get a house with me. I've known him more than ten years. He cares more about the money he'll get from sole ownership and renting it out.

Thought we were friends. Turns out we've been business partners. Kinda sad, I guess I will leave him be and be terse with him.

I see more crippling loneliness in my future. Life is bleak. Why plan for a bleak future when I can just take some of my retirement savings and travel the country and then off myself? I know I will be buying a gun as a backup plan in case I'm up and told to leave one day.

August252015

It didn't take me long - because my feeling of worthlessness was overwhelming when I was drinking. Not after I quit.

I don't spend time with anyone who would make me feel like it- for my past, or in the present as "continued opinion." And should any thoughts creep in- which, truly, such extreme ones do not- with AA and spiritual development and a wonderful support system....I can gratefully say I dismiss them pretty easily.

Dee74

TWTOM, If you're feeling like this please seek help.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

Read the links, call a crisis line, talk to a doctor or a counsellor.

30 years ago I felt my life would never get better. Looking back at how I thought then I couldn't have been more wrong.

I would have missed so many wonderful things that have happened to me since...and the first step in helping those wonderful things to happen was to get sober.

The second step was to deal with my chronic depression and self hatred.

You've done the first step...please - seek help on the second.

D

Ken33xx

I don't recall ever hating myself even towards the end of my drinking. Feeling trapped? Life falling apart? Sure but hate myself? No.

When I hear AA members share they considered themselves to be a piece of xxxx I'm not sure what to believe.

Is it for effect? Or do they really hold such self-hatred?

Maybe a therapist can help.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Yes, I'm doing it for attention.
And you wonder why people don't like AA.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Sorry, I am feeling negative today. I will not drink, but I'm going to take a break from posting.

Ken33xx

Never said you were doing it for attention.

Steely

People do feel self hatred.....maybe the more sensitive ones?

You are not a heap of garbage TWTOM. That got carted to the tip when you stopped drinking. Smell the roses.

I know the puppy is a bit schmucky but the rose is for real.

Wholesome

I hated myself when I was drinking and I had suicidal thoughts. Please don't stop posting. Make sure though that if you get beyond thinking that you reach out for help that a forum can't provide. It may seem bad right now but there are always new possibilities and different paths for your life to take. Sometimes the hard times need to happen for something new and wonderful to happen. They can be the catalyst for growth and change.

Ken33xx

This is where a therapist comes in.

People can kill themselves over such hatred.

SoberCAH

Thanks for sharing some of your story, Phoenix.

It is quite powerful.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I'm not going to harm myself or make a backup plan to harm myself. It makes no sense. I just... hate the person I was when I was drinking.

I'm a nice person sober. If not a little awkward and maybe just a bit lost at the moment.
I apologize specifically to you Ken for snapping at you.

Wholesome

I think a lot of us can relate to that TWTOM. Keep your chin up. I don't know how long it's been since you gave up drinking but in my experience, those feelings fade the further you get from that last drink.