Notices

I just don't feel like I can ever do it

Old 05-29-2017, 01:34 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
babycat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
I just don't feel like I can ever do it

I just can't get sober. I am back, yet again here, hanging my head in shame. I have a lot of sober days this year, but I just can't stop. I live in Los Angeles and literally, 2 buildings down from me is a church that has constant AA meetings. I have not been to one since I lived in MI. I am so tired of the constant anxiety. I am in so much debt and have collectors calling me all the time and I just ignore, ignore, ignore. I have been this way my entire life, but then I found alcohol.
If I could not deal with life at 7, how the hell can I at 34?
I am so scared all the time.
babycat is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 01:51 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back babycat. There is a way out...how about trying one of those meetings 2 doors down? The anxiety gets worse and worse every time you go back, I know that from experience too unfortunately.

There is a way to deal with all the things that ail you....but none of them until you stop drinking. I did it finally at 42...and a lot of folks here did it decades after that...so it's never too late.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 02:54 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Maudcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Never too late to change things up, babycat. You know you can be sober for periods of time. You can do it.
I learned the very hard way that drinking does not help. It just makes things worse.
Go to a meeting, take it a step at a time. Maybe talk to one of those debt reduction counselors.
My bestie got into horrible debt a few years back. She worked with a counselor who worked with her creditors so that she paid them something until her debt was settled.
He credit was wrecked for a few years, but it wasn't the end of the world.
She realized that she did not need "stuff" and has been living happily debt free.
I helped her move from one apartment to another this past winter.
I was amazed at how simple the move was because she now has just what she needs and no more.
And an adorable dog named Oliver.
Peace.
Maudcat is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 03:53 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,887
You can get sober for good, you just haven't yet. What other support do you have? Why not go to a meeting if it's just down the street? Can't hurt and might help.
least is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 07:18 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
fini's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,245
babycat,
glad you're back.
looks like the ignore-it plan and hiding in fear aren't working well, so would stand to reason that doing something different fom what you have been doing might have better success.

how lucky that you have such easy access to one possible solution two doors dwn, and all day long, too.
If you wereto go,mand go again and then again, you just might find that people there get it, understand where you are and will gladly share what has worked and is working for them.

Thirty- four is a great age to learn new ways! give yourself the chance!
fini is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 08:19 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
BullDog777's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
I don't know what words of wisdom I can offer you but I was 42 when I got sober.

My first week is a blur. All I know for sure is my neighbor basically scooped me off the sidewalk and took me to the hospital. This last binge lasted 4 years and almost took my life.

I was in ICU for days and the doctors gave me very little hope for any long term sobriety. I too had anxiety basically all of my life.

However, I always countered the anxiety with doing really dangerous s#it. I should be dead probably 3 dozen times over. Yet...I'm still here.

I was in hell for a long time. I'll tell you the same thing I tell anyone who asks me how I got out. I did the work. I showed up. I got out of my head and made things super simple this time. One day, one hour, one minute, 30 seconds at a time, I just had to put some time together any way I could.

I remember watching the walking dead last year and there was this survivor, this young girl who has written "JSS" on a bunch of stuff. It stood for "Just survive somehow".

That's kind of how I felt early on. I had to block out all of the horrific s#it and just survive. Let time take care of a lot of the anxiety and go to work on myself.

In two days, God willing it'll be 15 months. If this simple dumb a$$ can get it, anyone can do it. Just put one foot in front of the other.

Good Luck to you. We're all here for eachother, and I thank God for that.
BullDog777 is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 08:25 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,620
I didn't believe I could recover. I was right. I couldn't, on my own power. Yet here I am sober many years. The answer I found might work for you too. It is only two buildings away.
Gottalife is offline  
Old 05-29-2017, 09:27 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
babycat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
You are all so great, thank you. I am going to try again this week. AND, I am going to go to a meeting. I really have no excuse not to, right? I just want to be me again. Singing, theatre and creating art used to be my savior, now they just stress me out because I don't feel like I am at the level I should be. How stupid is that?
It does not help that I am married to an alcoholic as well.
babycat is offline  
Old 05-30-2017, 05:24 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
zjw
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,231
when i got sober i had ions of debt. I honestly could not focus on any of my problems when i got sober the only thing i could really focus on and barely was trying to stay sober.

I had to focus on my sobriety and well other things had to fall by the wayside until i was able to address / handle them. Its what worked for me.

In my case I eventaully just settled all my debts and it really was not that terrible.

I guess its the old one thing at a time one day at a time take it slow take it easy dont make it any more difficult then it already is etc...
zjw is offline  
Old 05-31-2017, 07:11 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
babycat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
Pleas keep talking to me. It really helps.
babycat is offline  
Old 05-31-2017, 08:12 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by babycat View Post
You are all so great, thank you. I am going to try again this week. AND, I am going to go to a meeting. I really have no excuse not to, right? I just want to be me again. Singing, theatre and creating art used to be my savior, now they just stress me out because I don't feel like I am at the level I should be. How stupid is that?
It does not help that I am married to an alcoholic as well.
it is not stupid to feel that way. i had similar with woodworking for many years. id get a project anywhere from 10-75% done, then it would go on a shelf. usually end up in the firepit. getting into recovery and working the program, i was able to get into woodworking, be passionate about what im building/creating, and finish it. page 4 of this thread has my last huge project:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-19-a-4.html
babycat, recovery isnt something that is tried. it is something that
is done. there is action required.
to answer the question, you are right in that there is no excuse. today would be a great day to start going back to meetings. today would be a great day to get the big book and start reading it.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 05-31-2017, 08:15 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by babycat View Post
Pleas keep talking to me. It really helps.
Talking about it does help - glad you are here. Have you thought of any other things you might be able to do to supplement your support network today?
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 05-31-2017, 08:17 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 175
Two weeks ago I couldn't even wait till the liquor store to open at 6 am so I always made sure I had a "reserve" 1/2 pint of wiskey just in case I woke up at 4 or 5 am cuz there was no way I was waiting a few hours for the store to open.
I wasn't that way a few years ago when I was easily able to dry out for a few weeks.
It gets harder and harder as time goes on, the day ones get harder and harder.
So, coming from a guy that woke up with a drink in his hand I say you can do it!!
JScatt is offline  
Old 05-31-2017, 08:29 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
zjw
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,231
in time you do actually settle into a new way of life that just doesnt involve drinking. that transitional period is tough tho where your not really settled as a non drinker but your not exactly a drinker either or well wanna be one.
zjw is offline  
Old 05-31-2017, 08:34 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I really hope you'll go those few doors down. Your AV will keep feeding you fear because that keeps you drinking.

When I came into the rooms my finances were in ruins as well, but now, 3 years later I'm back in the black. Not really sure how, just living a sane life I suppose.

Why not investigate and see if there are any ways you could offer your creativity to some charities or groups. That way you can enjoy the therapeutic side of it for a while without getting hung up on competitive thoughts. Many elderly folk homes and day centres, or kids groups, or whatever run creative sessions and they all mostly rely on volunteers. I've stopped doing bigger creative projects because I'm limited for space, time and patience. My new mini fun project is a box one. When I finish a box of tea, catfood or toothpaste or whatever I turn it inside out and decorate the plain inside of the box to be a shop or building that fits in with the product somehow. So tea could be a teashop, toothpaste a dentist surgery on a block of other buildings, the Cat food could be a pet pamper palace or vet surgery. You get the idea lol. At the moment I'm just using black fine-liner pen. I just chuck them away afterwards as it's the process of doing it that is helpful (takes me out of my own head) rather than the product. It's worth checking the boards at your local library for groups as well as online.

It's all very well taking the alcohol out of our lives, but we need to start adding other things in for us to start getting better.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Berrybean is offline  
Old 05-31-2017, 06:36 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
waynetheking's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Your debt will be easier to manage if your sober. Your life will improve dramatically young lady. Just try it. You have nothing to loose by trying. I'm glad your back.
waynetheking is offline  
Old 05-31-2017, 07:50 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
sober style
 
SnazzyDresser's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: the Ozarks
Posts: 2,392
Hang in there, babycat. This can be a humbling process but it's doable.
SnazzyDresser is offline  
Old 06-01-2017, 06:21 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I just don't feel like I can ever do it
Fantastic choice of words for your subject line. That's what the addiction does to us - it makes us feel things that aren't real.

You posted here because deep down you know it isn't true. That's why I know you CAN do it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Nonsensical is offline  
Old 06-01-2017, 06:45 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
I am really glad you posted, babycat. I know exactly how you feel. Everything seems overwhelming, alcohol is everywhere, and it's near impossible to stay away from people who drink unless you want to live in a cave. Try to focus on the things you can DO to stay sober. Making a mental decision/commitment never worked for me... I have relapsed many times and made many poor decisions with to regard to alcohol more times than I care to recall. But once I started listening - really listening to people in recovery who had overcome unimaginable​ circumstances to get sober, I realized that it is possible. One day at a time seemed like an annoying platitude to me at first, but it's simply a way to make things manageable for people like us who at various points believed it was impossible to stop completely. I'd meet new people and saw it as a new opportunity to control my drinking... Nope. Now I see each day as an opportunity to not drink, just for today. I don't know about tomorrow, but today I will not drink. :-)
VigilanceNow is offline  
Old 06-01-2017, 06:57 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Oh and regarding debt - Its almost impossible to maintain an alcohol habit without encountering financial problems unless you're independently wealthy.. I was so far into the insanity of it that somehow it made more sense to me to purchase a bottle of $20 vodka than spend $10 on yoga, which is actually good for you! Think of all the good decisions you'll make once you can actually weigh these kinds of purchases with a clear head and the intention to be healthy :-)
VigilanceNow is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:36 PM.