Beginning the journey, and nervous
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Join Date: May 2017
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Originally Posted by Jules714 
Sounds like a good plan for all!!
The sentiment of your girlfriend is amazing!
AA can seem daunting in the beginning. You don't have to share, you can pass. I find sometimes I'm too nervous to share and other times it's important to just listen! Try to eek one in. Maybe your GF will attend an "Open" (O) one with you? You'll make good, sober friends.
We're working on a car wash and a camping trip outing in our Clubhouse. At first it was hard to imagine camping without drinking...but it's cool. If there was to be no Smores THEN it'd be outta hand.
Truth is there will still be DMB blasting, rafting, the fire and laughing. Actual living. Bonus? I can remember it!
Good Lord...how much $ I've spent on concert tix and barely remember the shows! No longer.
Enjoy those steaks. Yum. It'll be right on time!
J
The sentiment of your girlfriend is amazing!
AA can seem daunting in the beginning. You don't have to share, you can pass. I find sometimes I'm too nervous to share and other times it's important to just listen! Try to eek one in. Maybe your GF will attend an "Open" (O) one with you? You'll make good, sober friends.
We're working on a car wash and a camping trip outing in our Clubhouse. At first it was hard to imagine camping without drinking...but it's cool. If there was to be no Smores THEN it'd be outta hand.
Truth is there will still be DMB blasting, rafting, the fire and laughing. Actual living. Bonus? I can remember it!
Good Lord...how much $ I've spent on concert tix and barely remember the shows! No longer.
Enjoy those steaks. Yum. It'll be right on time!
J
That actually sounds pretty cool! All of my friends are alcohol hounds.. I'm going to have to do my best to steer clear of most of them for the time being, atleast until I can get my head screwed on more securely.
You and I both on the concert ticket front! I just saw chris Cornell live 3 weeks ago and barely remember the damn show... it's a shame.
But I know if I keep at it there's light at the end of the tunnel,,,, it's just going to be a dark and bumpy road getting there...
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 32
Will thank you for your service. Ill just say I'm a combat veteran that had to lose a wife and is destroying my new family and it is all because of me. I tried 5 years ago and relapsed. Ive had to watch everything I have be destroyed because of me and I cared but I just kept drinking. Finally I couldn't take the guilt and somewhere I found the strength to say no. No more will I let this control me and destroy me and everyone I'm close to. And I'm gonna tell you your going to get so much support from this community it's amazing. Great people that actually know what your going through and who want to help you. Listen to them brother. I'm only on day 3 and I already know with this kinda family I don't need alcohol. Take care and best of luck!!!!!
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Join Date: May 2017
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Originally Posted by NewLife52417
Will thank you for your service. Ill just say I'm a combat veteran that had to lose a wife and is destroying my new family and it is all because of me. I tried 5 years ago and relapsed. Ive had to watch everything I have be destroyed because of me and I cared but I just kept drinking. Finally I couldn't take the guilt and somewhere I found the strength to say no. No more will I let this control me and destroy me and everyone I'm close to. And I'm gonna tell you your going to get so much support from this community it's amazing. Great people that actually know what your going through and who want to help you. Listen to them brother. I'm only on day 3 and I already know with this kinda family I don't need alcohol. Take care and best of luck!!!!!
How are you coping with now Day 3? We're you a daily drinker?
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Some great advice here - I was just wondering if you could get assistance with the VA at all?
welcome to SR willrandy
D
welcome to SR willrandy
D
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Man, Chris Cornell, REST IN PEACE. What a loss. Utter genius!
See, drugs and alcohol? They are the source of so much spoon and suffering. Thankfully sobriety is becoming hip. That's a good thing. Imagine living in an age the was significantly more judgemental than now? It's always a good time to get sober, but particularly now!
J
See, drugs and alcohol? They are the source of so much spoon and suffering. Thankfully sobriety is becoming hip. That's a good thing. Imagine living in an age the was significantly more judgemental than now? It's always a good time to get sober, but particularly now!
J
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by NewLife52417
Will thank you for your service. Ill just say I'm a combat veteran that had to lose a wife and is destroying my new family and it is all because of me. I tried 5 years ago and relapsed. Ive had to watch everything I have be destroyed because of me and I cared but I just kept drinking. Finally I couldn't take the guilt and somewhere I found the strength to say no. No more will I let this control me and destroy me and everyone I'm close to. And I'm gonna tell you your going to get so much support from this community it's amazing. Great people that actually know what your going through and who want to help you. Listen to them brother. I'm only on day 3 and I already know with this kinda family I don't need alcohol. Take care and best of luck!!!!!
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Jules714
Man, Chris Cornell, REST IN PEACE. What a loss. Utter genius!
See, drugs and alcohol? They are the source of so much spoon and suffering. Thankfully sobriety is becoming hip. That's a good thing. Imagine living in an age the was significantly more judgemental than now? It's always a good time to get sober, but particularly now!
J
See, drugs and alcohol? They are the source of so much spoon and suffering. Thankfully sobriety is becoming hip. That's a good thing. Imagine living in an age the was significantly more judgemental than now? It's always a good time to get sober, but particularly now!
J
I'm very happy that sober is becoming the new thing. One day at a time is the key right? I'm at almost 24 hours as we speak, but good god do I want to pick that bottle up,
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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There is a way around Chain knowing what's exactly up if you take a leave and let's say go to rehab. The last rehab I was in there was SS Army. She took a leave and is reassigned as part time (she's been in almost 15 years) She came in broken but to watch her walk down the hall? That strut? By the time she left she was actually living and breathing her very powerful stride.
We also had a LC USMC who did 2 tours (they called him back before leave was over, in fact barely had begun) he was permitted to bring his service dog, he chose not to. I actually just saw him at a meeting...he's doing great! Infact all the people I've run into from rehab (6 total) are doing well. I'm the only one who relapsed and they are all heroin addicts. We did lose one young man to overdose, sadly. Addiction is brutal.
J
We also had a LC USMC who did 2 tours (they called him back before leave was over, in fact barely had begun) he was permitted to bring his service dog, he chose not to. I actually just saw him at a meeting...he's doing great! Infact all the people I've run into from rehab (6 total) are doing well. I'm the only one who relapsed and they are all heroin addicts. We did lose one young man to overdose, sadly. Addiction is brutal.
J
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Jules714
There is a way around Chain knowing what's exactly up if you take a leave and let's say go to rehab. The last rehab I was in there was SS Army. She took a leave and is reassigned as part time (she's been in almost 15 years) She came in broken but to watch her walk down the hall? That strut? By the time she left she was actually living and breathing her very powerful stride.
We also had a LC USMC who did 2 tours (they called him back before leave was over, in fact barely had begun) he was permitted to bring his service dog, he chose not to. I actually just saw him at a meeting...he's doing great! Infact all the people I've run into from rehab (6 total) are doing well. I'm the only one who relapsed and they are all heroin addicts. We did lose one young man to overdose, sadly. Addiction is brutal.
J
We also had a LC USMC who did 2 tours (they called him back before leave was over, in fact barely had begun) he was permitted to bring his service dog, he chose not to. I actually just saw him at a meeting...he's doing great! Infact all the people I've run into from rehab (6 total) are doing well. I'm the only one who relapsed and they are all heroin addicts. We did lose one young man to overdose, sadly. Addiction is brutal.
J
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Hey, at least you will be thru Withdrawl and sober! A new home? Perfect!! You can associate NEVER having drank there! AA is big on "people, places and things" and it's true. To remove that trigger is a big deal!!
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Originally Posted by Jules714
Hey, at least you will be thru Withdrawl and sober! A new home? Perfect!! You can associate NEVER having drank there! AA is big on "people, places and things" and it's true. To remove that trigger is a big deal!!
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Late to the party, but I want to welcome you too Will! Thank you for serving in the Coast Guard.
Good things have already been covered - I'll just add that I drank for 30 yrs. & couldn't imagine life without it. When I came here I was instantly relieved by the acceptance & understanding - no judgment. I knew I never had to feel alone again. That made all the difference. No one else in my life actually got what I was going through - and it is almost impossible for the non-alkie to understand what we experience. Congratulations for wanting to change your life. Have a great weekend, Will.
Good things have already been covered - I'll just add that I drank for 30 yrs. & couldn't imagine life without it. When I came here I was instantly relieved by the acceptance & understanding - no judgment. I knew I never had to feel alone again. That made all the difference. No one else in my life actually got what I was going through - and it is almost impossible for the non-alkie to understand what we experience. Congratulations for wanting to change your life. Have a great weekend, Will.
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Originally Posted by Hevyn
Late to the party, but I want to welcome you too Will! Thank you for serving in the Coast Guard.
Good things have already been covered - I'll just add that I drank for 30 yrs. & couldn't imagine life without it. When I came here I was instantly relieved by the acceptance & understanding - no judgment. I knew I never had to feel alone again. That made all the difference. No one else in my life actually got what I was going through - and it is almost impossible for the non-alkie to understand what we experience. Congratulations for wanting to change your life. Have a great weekend, Will.
Good things have already been covered - I'll just add that I drank for 30 yrs. & couldn't imagine life without it. When I came here I was instantly relieved by the acceptance & understanding - no judgment. I knew I never had to feel alone again. That made all the difference. No one else in my life actually got what I was going through - and it is almost impossible for the non-alkie to understand what we experience. Congratulations for wanting to change your life. Have a great weekend, Will.
I do absolutely love the no judgement atmorsohere here, an incredibly difficult subject to talk about. Especially with people that don't understand
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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K. I'm back. What a great meeting. I 💕listening to the people who have 30 years sober! Such good stuff. I swear leaving a meeting like that is invigorating!
I've withdrawn in a hospital, a detox/rehab and at home alone (ill advised) The hospital is quicker and less painful but was very isolating for me. Basically there you don't really withdrawl. I received IV Ativan (a benzo) to cut out threat of seizure and oral Serax (a different old school benzo) this combo made me sleep a lot. I basically slept for 2 days. Woke up for vitals and blood sugar testing, rolled over and slept some more. I've also been given Librium orally and IV Ativan in different hospital. Not as sleepy, but still pretty loopy. Other than the lack of shower due to IV. It was pretty comfy. Didn't have to do any introspection. They just want to make sure you don't die.
Detox and then moving over to rehab are totally different. There I sat in intake office shaking, vomiting bile into that little bowl, eventually just wretching and crying in front of a room full of people. Not my finest moment. They gave me Librium and Clonidine which is a blood pressure med but off label used for detox. I never felt more out of it than I was on that combo. Medically they wouldn't transfer me to rehab side for 5 days. I stopped the meds on day 3. I felt better and I couldn't stand the meds. I was good and when finally clear headed, I laughed like an utter moron with those kids in detox. A natural high for the first time in far too long. They have a few meetings sporadically there. Mostly it was sleeping, eating and snacks (active addicts don't eat much, especially heroin/speed addicts) Scheduled smoke breaks. No coffee. Rehab was up at 5:45 am, smoke, roll call, breakfast, morning meeting, meetings, group therapy, free time, lunch, meeting, a special activity (yoga, positive affirmations, music etc) recreation, Dinner, meeting, reflecting. All with roll call in-between each activity. I had been to a fancy rehab in Richville before when I still had insurance.. a couple meetings, coffee all day, lots of smoking, personal therapy every couple days, equine therapy...it was a country club in comparison to the last place I went. I do not want to go back there. State run places are a tad tougher. The females were constantly fighting, verbally and physically. It was actually scary for me. That was good tho. BC I *NEVER want to do that again. Ever. It served it's purpose, I'm allllll good on that.
Withdrawling at home alone is much like what you are describing. Restless, and when I could sleep I woke within an hour max with anxiety pangs in my belly. My hands would twitch and wake me up just as I was falling asleep. Shaking. Vomitting. Not able to eat. My stomach was a wreck. Dehydrated. Thirsty. Confused. Unfocused. Just uncomfortable. Stuck in a cycle where the only thing that would make me feel better for a tiny bit of time was exactly what was very much killing me and this time not so slowly. It was ugly and awful and I don't ever want to do that again either. Each time it really does get worse. Mentally I felt like I was going to truly lose my mind. Sleep deprivation is terrible in conjunction with this state. Really messes with your head.
Thankfully once over the initial few days I spring back pretty well. No post acute Withdrawl syndrome (PAWS) which is a blessing. Some people go through that for a long time. I still have anxiety but I've always had that (I have PTSD) I've had a lot of therapy from early on and several decades. Worst case scenario I have .25 Xanax for full blown panic attacks. I don't really like pills...so there's that good news. Alcohol is my drug of choice. Not to say I didn't smoke a lot of weed way back...or take a lot of E. in my early 20s for a good year or so, but I was able to just quit those things. In fact I only started problem drinking about 4.5 yrs ago. I never had a problem with denial of a problem. I was just stuck on "how did I get so messed up so fast?' Then I realised; what did it matter? I'm messed up, really REALLY messed up!! It's been tough to *stay sober these last 2-2.5 years. I hope you get it sooner. I've wasted a lot of time and $, lost tremendously while so sick and have really damaged my health. I feel like I am finally just done but I really, really need to balance that or temper it with knowing I could go back out and slip up handily. I cannot get cocky nor complacent. Sobriety is work. But it has been worth it. Each time. This time I pray to keep my sober time and not just chuck it and get hammered. For me, I know, alcohol just makes everything & anything worse. It will only ever kick a rainbow from my sky or intensify the fire at my back. It has zero answers. It only creates more issues. I'm ready to be done with and free of it's chains. Hope you are too!
Glad you found the site.
J
I've withdrawn in a hospital, a detox/rehab and at home alone (ill advised) The hospital is quicker and less painful but was very isolating for me. Basically there you don't really withdrawl. I received IV Ativan (a benzo) to cut out threat of seizure and oral Serax (a different old school benzo) this combo made me sleep a lot. I basically slept for 2 days. Woke up for vitals and blood sugar testing, rolled over and slept some more. I've also been given Librium orally and IV Ativan in different hospital. Not as sleepy, but still pretty loopy. Other than the lack of shower due to IV. It was pretty comfy. Didn't have to do any introspection. They just want to make sure you don't die.
Detox and then moving over to rehab are totally different. There I sat in intake office shaking, vomiting bile into that little bowl, eventually just wretching and crying in front of a room full of people. Not my finest moment. They gave me Librium and Clonidine which is a blood pressure med but off label used for detox. I never felt more out of it than I was on that combo. Medically they wouldn't transfer me to rehab side for 5 days. I stopped the meds on day 3. I felt better and I couldn't stand the meds. I was good and when finally clear headed, I laughed like an utter moron with those kids in detox. A natural high for the first time in far too long. They have a few meetings sporadically there. Mostly it was sleeping, eating and snacks (active addicts don't eat much, especially heroin/speed addicts) Scheduled smoke breaks. No coffee. Rehab was up at 5:45 am, smoke, roll call, breakfast, morning meeting, meetings, group therapy, free time, lunch, meeting, a special activity (yoga, positive affirmations, music etc) recreation, Dinner, meeting, reflecting. All with roll call in-between each activity. I had been to a fancy rehab in Richville before when I still had insurance.. a couple meetings, coffee all day, lots of smoking, personal therapy every couple days, equine therapy...it was a country club in comparison to the last place I went. I do not want to go back there. State run places are a tad tougher. The females were constantly fighting, verbally and physically. It was actually scary for me. That was good tho. BC I *NEVER want to do that again. Ever. It served it's purpose, I'm allllll good on that.
Withdrawling at home alone is much like what you are describing. Restless, and when I could sleep I woke within an hour max with anxiety pangs in my belly. My hands would twitch and wake me up just as I was falling asleep. Shaking. Vomitting. Not able to eat. My stomach was a wreck. Dehydrated. Thirsty. Confused. Unfocused. Just uncomfortable. Stuck in a cycle where the only thing that would make me feel better for a tiny bit of time was exactly what was very much killing me and this time not so slowly. It was ugly and awful and I don't ever want to do that again either. Each time it really does get worse. Mentally I felt like I was going to truly lose my mind. Sleep deprivation is terrible in conjunction with this state. Really messes with your head.
Thankfully once over the initial few days I spring back pretty well. No post acute Withdrawl syndrome (PAWS) which is a blessing. Some people go through that for a long time. I still have anxiety but I've always had that (I have PTSD) I've had a lot of therapy from early on and several decades. Worst case scenario I have .25 Xanax for full blown panic attacks. I don't really like pills...so there's that good news. Alcohol is my drug of choice. Not to say I didn't smoke a lot of weed way back...or take a lot of E. in my early 20s for a good year or so, but I was able to just quit those things. In fact I only started problem drinking about 4.5 yrs ago. I never had a problem with denial of a problem. I was just stuck on "how did I get so messed up so fast?' Then I realised; what did it matter? I'm messed up, really REALLY messed up!! It's been tough to *stay sober these last 2-2.5 years. I hope you get it sooner. I've wasted a lot of time and $, lost tremendously while so sick and have really damaged my health. I feel like I am finally just done but I really, really need to balance that or temper it with knowing I could go back out and slip up handily. I cannot get cocky nor complacent. Sobriety is work. But it has been worth it. Each time. This time I pray to keep my sober time and not just chuck it and get hammered. For me, I know, alcohol just makes everything & anything worse. It will only ever kick a rainbow from my sky or intensify the fire at my back. It has zero answers. It only creates more issues. I'm ready to be done with and free of it's chains. Hope you are too!
Glad you found the site.
J
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 40
Jules,
First of all, thank you so much for sharing that with me; I can only imagine how re living those terrible, and some not so terrible situations cannot be easy by any stretch of the imagination. It's very foreign to me to be able to reach out and speak to people about these isssues... I usually stay hidden with it, and cover it up with fabricated charisma... speaking of "problems" and "medical issues" at work is kind of frowned upon, the ridicule will be quick to come with that.
Like I said above I don't think the hospital way is going to work for me, unless it gets extremely bad... yes the military will give me the time off ultimately if I need it, and sure they'll pay for it. However, then I receive somewhat of a black mark for it... my supervisors will all know, taking that into consideration when awards come around, eventually my peers will find out from others talking about it... it's kind of a mess.
I hear you on the insomnia taking a big tole.... I slept pretty bad last night, tossing and turning, twitchy, sweaty, strange hot flashes, a sort of wrenching, restless feeling.... had to be up at 430am for duty today as well, just going to have to power through.
My only hope, like you said in your case is that I can hold on to this exprerience and learn from it.. not go down my usual path of "oh it's been a week, see I'm not an alcoholic. There's no way an alcoholic could go this long without drinking". Have to maintain the mindset that I am what I am, and only I can make it better through slow, methodical work and dedication.
Once again, thank you so much for sharing your story. I actually was very excited to check the forum when I got up this morning. The only thing I was excited about at 430am lol.
First of all, thank you so much for sharing that with me; I can only imagine how re living those terrible, and some not so terrible situations cannot be easy by any stretch of the imagination. It's very foreign to me to be able to reach out and speak to people about these isssues... I usually stay hidden with it, and cover it up with fabricated charisma... speaking of "problems" and "medical issues" at work is kind of frowned upon, the ridicule will be quick to come with that.
Like I said above I don't think the hospital way is going to work for me, unless it gets extremely bad... yes the military will give me the time off ultimately if I need it, and sure they'll pay for it. However, then I receive somewhat of a black mark for it... my supervisors will all know, taking that into consideration when awards come around, eventually my peers will find out from others talking about it... it's kind of a mess.
I hear you on the insomnia taking a big tole.... I slept pretty bad last night, tossing and turning, twitchy, sweaty, strange hot flashes, a sort of wrenching, restless feeling.... had to be up at 430am for duty today as well, just going to have to power through.
My only hope, like you said in your case is that I can hold on to this exprerience and learn from it.. not go down my usual path of "oh it's been a week, see I'm not an alcoholic. There's no way an alcoholic could go this long without drinking". Have to maintain the mindset that I am what I am, and only I can make it better through slow, methodical work and dedication.
Once again, thank you so much for sharing your story. I actually was very excited to check the forum when I got up this morning. The only thing I was excited about at 430am lol.
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