Doug39

The reason I am posting this is because I was thinking about how bad off I was 192 days ago. I was reminded of this because of a guy I met at AA this week who was less that 24 hours sober after being drunk 24/7 during a 9 month binge or relapse or whatever you want to call it. Seeing the condition he was in reminded me of the hell I was in 192 days ago. It was a good reminder of what I never want to experience again.

192 days ago I couldn't even watch a 30 minute TV show because my mind was all over the place. I couldn't sleep. I hardly ate. I was full of dread and I was hopeless. Every little issue was a catastrophe in my mind - even getting up out of a chair was a chore.

I thank God for guiding me to AA and giving me another chance at life before it was too late.

I have met so many people at AA that have liver and heart problems from alcohol abuse - even my sister-in-law is months away from dying due to a life of alcohol abuse.

doggonecarl

4600+ hours of sobriety is awesome!

thomas11

I'm glad things are going well for you. I happen to feel similar to you, I just never want to go back to the way I was. It was truly horrible and I had no one to blame but myself.

biminiblue

My first month or so of sobriety I was going to AA meetings and they were a powerful reality check, that is for sure.

I would listen to people who had a lot of sober time and they were so eloquent and their words just flowed out of their mouths. When it would be my turn to talk, I couldn't even put two thoughts together in a coherent way. If someone had told me before I got sober that my mental acuity was off I would have told them, "No it isn't," until I sat in those early meetings and tried to communicate even the simplest of ideas. It just wasn't happening.

You're right, those early days are terrifying and I use them and compare them to how I am now at three years. It's scary to think back.

Doug39

Even at over 6 months sober this still happens to me sometimes at discussion meetings - and I even bring paper and pen to try and write down my thoughts.

I always force myself to make a comment at every meeting because public speaking was always a great fear of mine - facing my fears is a way to make me stronger.

I also hope that I help others with my comments, no matter how incoherent they seem to me.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like things are going very well for you doug, and I'm glad you are approaching things with an open mind and keeping all your options on the table. Your participation here is very much welcomed too - we all learn from each other.

FBL

Doug, congrats on your sober time and thanks for the reminder.

least

Congrats on 192 days sober!

Soberwolf

puddlejumper70

Congrats Doug... I have a similar background (don't we all?) and am taking a similar path, albeit at a slower pace. I regularly attend meetings but have yet to really begin the steps in earnest... except for number one.

I'm simply at a loss for understanding the Higher Power concept, but I've heard the same from veterans that tell me to just keep coming and it will happen.

Doug39

I have heard of people taking years to get through the Steps.

I have currently been stuck on Step 9 for a few months; I still have a few amends to make that I am having a hard time with.

I just happened to read something about Step 9 a few minutes ago -

You will know when Step 9 is essentially complete when you are not concerned with who you might encounter no matter where you go.

SoberCAH

Thanks for sharing this assessment of your journey to sobriety.

It's uplifting to hear these stories of success.

ljc267

Me and you have been sober about the same amount of time. It is truly amazing how different I feel. As I'm sure you know, not everyday is perfect and there are still a lot of obstacles to overcome. The great news is that now we can conquer those obstacles instead of avoiding them.

congrats Doug!

Grungehead

Actually you don't need to understand the Higher Power concept to take the steps, the understanding actually comes FROM taking the steps. All you need to take the steps is willingness and open mindedness. I'm telling you this as someone who avoided taking the steps for 23 years of being in and out of AA (and sobriety). I finally found the willingness and open mindedness to try them as a last resort and it has been a difference maker. By the time I reached step 10 I realized that I had been restored to sanity and step 2 came to fruition.

Way to go on 192 days Doug! Part of what I love about this site is getting to watch other members on their sober journey.

Dee74

Congratulations Doug

D

Dave42001

Great job, Doug!! You should copy your post into a word document and print it out and make a copy and put it in your wallet and post another copy in your closet!!! Never forget those early days of recovery!! Keep going to the new comer meetings.. don't ever become complacent and never rest on your laurels!! Great post!!!

August252015

SO happy for you! And I could have written almost everything you shared. 438 days ago....well, let's say I got a window today into what I was like when I went to my first 12 step call to a woman desperately needing help. I am still processing the experience and even more grateful (doesn't seem nearly a sufficient word) to be where I am now. A miracle.

It will keep on getting stunningly better for you too. Proud of you!