Centered3

Dealing with the "hole in the donut" fear.
Thankfully that didn't happen.

"White knuckling" was really challenging, too.

Centered3

Woah. That is some pearl of wisdom right there.

Forward12

Once you pull the alcohol blanket off from over your head and have to face reality can be a big wake up call and is like trying to re-learn life all over again.

shortstop81

The hardest part right now is feeling like I never get a break from myself.

HopeandFaith1

Very well said Graciepearl.

CLAS

Toughest part for me is that I am with myself 100% of the time. I can't escape my head. It continues to stay attached.

MissPerfumado

Someone asked me recently what I missed about drinking, and I thought a while and tried to answer honestly. I said, it's that say 5 minutes at the end of a tough day when I would love to pour myself a drink and de-stress.

But as others have pointed out, that's just an attempt to escape. What really is so hard about my life right now that I need alcohol to get away from it, even for a while? This thought of "escape" is temporary and illusory.

FBL

Sobriety has been a learning curve for sure. Learning how to deal with the ups and downs without the crutch of alcohol is probably the biggest hurdle to true happiness in recovery. Luckily, I've seemed to find a nice balance, but it took time and work to get there...I think it will always be an ongoing process, but it sure beats the old way.

PhoenixJ

Me

zjw

its funny for me at almost 6 years sober i'd say not drinking while obviosly is the main thing in the background. The reality is something like "accepetance" has been a much tougher pill to swallow day in and day out as i face this and face that and have to accept this and accept that.

advbike

My ego. It's always judging, complaining, comparing, and wanting more. Of whatever. It creates so much unhappiness. I can observe it and find ways to quiet it, but not for long..

JudicatorPanzer

Finding new ways to cope with stress and negative emotions.

BrendaChenowyth

Yes! Omg that is exactly why I drank and I never articulated it so well.

darkling

The hardest thing I've found in sobriety is...
remembering that I am not a special snowflake.

Lately, my brain has been trying to list all of the things I've lost since I got sober. It's a way of telling myself "Hey! Look at you! Damn, you really have walked thru some pretty major sh!t haven't you?! SOBER!!! You really are one special little snowflake darkling!"

It's me still trying to make myself believe that I am unique. That's a very dangerous way for me to think. Eventually, it'll lead me to thinking that I am unique/special enough that I could handle just one night out . . .

FBL

I totally get what your saying, but I think it's a fine line. My lack of feeling I was anything special was just one of the factors that led to my alcoholism. Since getting sober, I've found some measure of self-confidence that was previously lacking. I think it's okay to feel special once in awhile, so long as it doesn't lead to over confidence or an overly inflated ego. Your mileage may vary

gaffo

Watching the few drinking friends that I have left finish off the job of killing themselves with alcohol.

LadyBlue0527

......that I can't live the same life I was living but sober.

This was the hard part when I quit in May of 2013. I did stay away from friends for a while because it was pure torture to be around others who were drinking. I attended AA and made new friends. Around the 9 month mark I stopped going to AA, kind of became more infrequent at posting here, and began communicating more with my "old" friends (aka drinking buddies). Soon enough we all know what happened.

It took until May of last year to get back here. Today is 9 months. A huge defining moment was the first AA meeting that I went back to. No questions, no judgment, just lots of smiles, hugs, and welcoming faces. I could see relief in their eyes that I made it back. It was then I realized this is where I needed to be. THIS is what's real.

It takes a while to build a sober network but once you do, it's genuine.

zjw

i suffer from this and I've been reading a lot of stuff that explains that i am nothing and how much of a relief it is to be nothing.

basicly along the lines of dropping all the attatchments and labels etc.. when i work from this space life is so much easier for me. But the min i falter its trouble again.

SoberLeigh

Coming up with a reason I would ever give it up . . . .

Nonotyet

Thinking about the absolutely scary situations I put my self in when I was drunk. Trying to remember what I did, what I said. And then not wanting to know or hear about it. Scaring my loved ones with my reckless behaviour. Now I am dealing with the physical trauma I've done to my body. When I continued to drink I didn't worry about those things. Now sober, I dwell.