Jack465

I know this might seem mundane to some, but this is the first time I’ve been faced with a situation like this since I got sober and I’m not sure what the best way to handle it would be.

I have an event approaching that I can't get out of, and there's going to be a person there who wants me to drink. Unfortunately he isn't going to take no for an answer unless I come up with a good excuse. As you know, "no thanks" is enough for most people, but this guy has an aggressive personality and he will keep pushing the issue unless I find a way to shut him up.

Obviously he doesn't know how important it is that I don't drink. If he did, he wouldn't do this. But I don't want people to know the real reason. It's none of their business.

I need something bulletproof that will give him no room to try to reason with me.

"I'm driving" won't work because he knows there are other ways I could get home.

The best one I could think of was "My doctor said I can't drink because of a medication I'm taking." And then maybe add "He said it's important."

No one can argue with that can they?

Others I had were "I'm allergic to it" - How common is this though? Would this work or would he just ask more questions?

"I'm driving because I have to pick up my brother from the airport" - probably wouldn't work because he knows I have other family that could do it

Surely the medication thing has to work?

Thanks

columbus

"Surely the medication thing has to work?"

I've never been in that situation, but think the medication thing should work. But what if he asks, honestly and with real concern, what it is? Do you have an answer?

least

How about, "Because I don't drink anymore", repeated until he 'gets it' and leaves you alone. Sheesh! And if he still kicks up a fuss, tell him point blank that he's being rude.

ljc267

If its someone who knows you drink just say you have bad acid reflux and alcohol makes it unbearable so you have quit drinking.

entropy1964

The medication thing is pretty fool proof. Tell him it's for high blood pressure.

It's been my experience that Im the one making more of it than I should. I mean, if I were allergic to peanuts and someone kept trying to force me to eat peanuts I'd tell them to shove off. But with alcohol I get all weird about it because I AM all weird about it. I'm an alcoholic and there's all this thinking and conversation going on in my head about it. I over complicate something that really doesn't need to be.

BrendaChenowyth

I don't want to and I'm not going to.

Ghostlight1

I've been in your situation.
My answer was, and still is, 'I quit'. If that's not good enough for him tell him to go f+++ himself.
It's none of his, or anyone else's business why you're not drinking.
I've been sober six years and this came up at Christmas.
My anniversary happens to be Christmas Eve. When asked whether I wanted a drink, I said 'yesterday I celebrated six years sober'. End of conversation about drinking.
Be real. Be proud. Tell him the truth.

fini

how come you' ve given this guy so much power that you need anything more than 'no thanks'?

he doesn't actually have it, y'know.

and you have much more power than you're willing to acknowledge, since there is no event you can't get out of. if the emergency were imortant enough, you could get out of any event. so......it might serve you well to look at why this is not crucial enough to suffer whatever consequences for not attending.

when i made staying sober my number one priority, i had a chance.

dwtbd

Have you quit for good? I hope so, that makes you a badass. Just tell him you quit, no back story needed or required. Btw, congrats on the badass status

darkling

this.

Dee74

It's not an excuse but no thanks works pretty well for me.

You may feel you owe more of an explanation...id you're still around them, some of your drinking buds may feel that too...but really 'no thanks' is all you ever need.

I thought everyone was hyper aware of alcohol and as obsessed with drinking as I was...

turns out no one else, outside of those drinking buds, really gives a rats if I drink or not,

D

firstla2809

Plenty of medications you aren't supposed to drink on (muscles relaxers, bp meds, pain killers, antibiotics, sleep aids, etc.)

Or just get a Red Bull in a bar glass (or a coke, or an orange juice and sprite) & lie saying you're drinking (seriously, how's this guy gonna know?) if you're worried about him wanting to do shots, make a b line for the bartender the second you get there, explain the situation & ask that they only pour you shots of apple juice/ water/ whatever might resemble a real shot of booze?

ScottFromWI

Just tell him you don't drink. If he questions further tell him it's your choice. If he still pushes you get up and leave. You don't owe him or anyone an explanation further than that. Part of getting sober is setting boundaries and that is one you can't let people cross. Or just don't go in the first place.

BixBees505

I've said this several times on SR.. Saw it here and have used it PLENTY...
"No thanks...it has been making me sick, lately. Yes, even a little bit. The darnedest thing. Soda and lime please-extra lime! Now what were you telling me, dear? About your job (wife, kid, golf game)?"

BixBees505

Basically, a very simple statement you can repeat again and again.. When people say, but why? Just one? You can say same thing again. " It's been making me sick. Yes, even one. Darnedest thing. It has been making me sick lately, oh, yes you go ahead. Soda and lime please. It has been making me sick lately. Yes, even a little bit. Oh aren't you a dear? No, just soda with lime, extra lime please. It has been making me sick lately. Yes even a little bit...."

heartcore

If you're with folks who are new to you:
"I don't drink."

If you're with folks who knew you as a drinker:
"I quit drinking. I'm feeling fabulous..."

Tah-dah! All I've ever needed to say...

heartcore

Ps. That may sound too easy, but lately I went out on a couple of dates with a "Normie" (non-alcoholic, not in recovery, etc.). I spent a fair amount of time in my head prior, deciding what I would divulge, when I would share it, what I would say...

On date 1, I said (when offered a drink at a show), "I'm good, thanks. I don't drink." Not a single question. I got a diet coke & danced until dawn.

On date 2 - "can I get you a diet coke?" Seriously. That was it! Danced until dawn.

No questions asked. For other reasons, I don't think this person will be my match, but I so appreciate the experience, because - I got to experience the "no big deal"-ness of it fully, and realized...that it was actually no big deal!

heartcore

Pps. The way you describe your "friend,"I think I'd just do all I could to avoid him at this event. If he pushed & pushed, I'd probably be reduced to saying "I'm not drinking tonight" with a slightly narrowed eye and a meaningful look. We can hold boundaries with energy, as much as words...

Radiate your super-powers.

esoxlucius

I started ofs saying "I quit drinking" when I first quit, now I just say "I don't drink" and leave it at that.

I did have one situation at a dinner party where the hostess insisted and I kept saying "No thanks, I don't drink". Ultimately she poured a glass of wine for me and it sat there untouched all evening - it was her that looked a bit foolish about it in the end.

I would also question why this person is so intent on getting you to drink - do they have a bit of problem by any chance?

Good luck.

STDragon

Prior to a December event, I told two people I knew would be at my table that I stopped drinking ("Personal reasons" didn't give any excuse) . I told them together, one I knew would have trouble with it the other couldn't care less. At the event, the one offered me a drink several times and when he pushed I raised my voice, "I'm not drinking today!". That was it. Enjoyed the rest of the night and drove my wife home.