Merigold

I've went to some AA meetings. I've also used their hotline, here in the UK just o chat with someone when I've felt really like I might have no hope.

I hear a lot of you won't get better until you hit rock bottom.

Well, I've maintained a job and a marriage. I absolutely DO NOT want to lose those. I could live with out the job ( though if i got fired for drinking i'd never work in the industry again). But I cannot, will not, must not lose my husband.

My husband is super patient. He has tried to help me so much. But a person can only take so much. One day he will have to let go for his own sanity. I recognise this.

I want to quit drinking before EVERYThing goes to hell. Right now, I'm still in work. We just got loan to fund a 28 day rehab. My job is still unaware of my issues ( though suspiscion is high). I can still save my life!

But, some messages I've got from AA was that..I am struggling because I have not yet lost it all, aka Rock bottom.

Is there hope if I am still maintaining? I don't want to lose it all....I need my husband, my family needs me. I need an income.

I already drank today ( after promising I wouldn't). I have to go home soon and I want to have a drink or two before he gets home from work. I believe i can just have a couple....but right now,this second, I'm also sure I'm lying my ass off.

biminiblue

You can stop digging any time you want. This can be your bottom.

I'm not sure what you heard in AA, but that is NOT one of the program's messages. You heard what you wanted to hear - or rather, you heard what your addiction wanted to hear. You are not powerless to stop drinking. Pour it out and make that your last drink.

There are many stories in the Big Book of AA that describe, "They quit in time," drinkers who didn't lose it all. Have you read the literature, or are you just listening at meetings? Meetings have all kinds of mixed messages because when someone shares in a meeting it is an interpretation by people at differing levels of understanding and mental health. Read the book.

JeffreyAK

You absolutely do not need to lose everything to quit drinking, but what you absolutely do need to do to get out of addiction is to stop drinking. Some people can't find the motivation to do that until they've gone very far down the hole, others can. Rock bottom is relative, everyone has a bottom (the point where they turn it around by quitting) but some bottoms are lower than others. Maybe start today, make your last drink your last? Promise yourself, your husband, the sky, anything you like, that you'll quit for at least a day or a week or a month?

Merigold

I think part of my issue is that I am just now coming around to accepting that I can NEVER drink again. The last year I've been trying to cut down, stop, have days off...but it's clearly not working.

A part of me thinks I can go back to how it once was. I remember the days I got drunk at Christmas and my birthday. I get drunk every single day now. Even the days that are meant to be "light" days.


I can never drink again. Not going to lie, that sounds...horrible! I know, when I say to myself no more....it will HAVE to mean no more..ever!

But.....I am right now understanding ( I've been on here for a few days now) that I have to quit drinking forever.

*big breath*

I CAN do this. I have to.

fini

But, some messages I've got from AA was that..I am struggling because I have not yet lost it all, aka Rock bottom.

this is not an AA message, though it is the message of some people in AA.

struggle happens often because of non-acceptance that you're an alcoholic and don't have control. when your own experience (can't stop at one or two) belies your belief (that you can just have one)

good to see you here, reaching out and coming to grips.

Yogini1603

Like Fini said, it's not an AA message but some people in AA definitely go on about it. Bottom is different for everyone and wherever you decide.

That's brilliant about rehab! Don't focus on never drinking again. I'm 40-odd days sober and that kind of thinking sends me into a panic. Just do it a day at a time and see what happens. I didn't drink yesterday, I'm not going to drink today, and who knows about tomorrow? Just do what you can :-)

entropy1964

Hi Merigold

Rock bottom is relative. There are cultural standards for rock bottom: Loss of relationships, income, home, job etc. Then there's the real rock bottom: Loss of self, loss of interest in anything other than alcohol, loss of connection to anything. That is rock bottom. Sure that external stuff is important, but its the loss of soul that really rips me apart. I consider myself a rock bottom drunk....and type this in my big, middle class house, in a nice neighborhood, 2 cars in the garage, beautiful child, dogs, cat, yard, health. I'm just lucky as hell. I know I'll lose it if I continue. Or then, maybe not. Maybe I'll just dwindle away, slowly, painfully, alone and in misery. Lovely.

I do believe, for me, that I had to accept that alcohol had me completely beat. Period. And that I have no idea how to stay sober on my own. I need people, I need God.

Your posts read as if they are directly out of the big book. If you're ready, go to meetings. Try many. Listen to the message. If your rock bottom is losing your husband, then you'll drink until you do. Maybe you're at your rock bottom now? Go to rehab. If you think that work 'suspects'? They know.

Bunny211

I've seen many people quit before rock bottom.
I was as low as I wanted to go...I was broke, lost my job etc. I did not lose my family or do permanent damage to my body, never had a DUI or arrest on my record etc. So I guess to some it was not "rock bottom."

Think of it this way...you are on an elevator that is going DOWN. Do you want to wait until you hit the cellar and shatter everything worthwhile in your life? Or do you want to get off now...no matter where you get off...no matter what floor...you will need to take steps to rebuild what you have damaged from your drinking. Take my advice....get off NOW.

Dreamz469

If I never drink again, that's ok. I don't consider myself an alcoholic but I definitely abused it. Didn't drink everyday and could go weeks without it at all. But when I did drink, i drank to excess. Then I did something embarrassingly stupid. I went on a 3 day binge. Don't know why I did it. Came out of it feeling the worse I've ever felt it in my life. Told my wife about my decision, because she found herself drinking more than she likes herself, we decided to go 6 months. Because without the booze, we still have each other. And who knows, after 6 months, we may just swear it of for good

Marri

Dreamz, you're doing the right thing. Alcohol is a powerful and cunning substance which does not care what label you wear - alcoholic or non-alcoholic. If it makes you do things you would not otherwise consider doing then heed the "red light". The addiction sneaks up on you. One day a "social drinker" the next "an addict". Well, that's how it was with me.

Forward12

Everyone's "rock bottom" is relative and subjective, but it sounds like you've realized what your drinking is doing. It's ruining your marriage and also your job, which are also all too common things destroyed by alcoholism.
It sounds like you're at your tipping point and it's time to hang up the booze, otherwise divorce, being jobless, and your life in shambles really isn't something you want to look forward to,..

Marri

Merigold, I think you are at the right point to stop because you seem to be honest with yourself. "Rock bottom" is relative - I prefer to consider my turning point (and I'm only just turning) to be the acknowledgment of Step One of the Twelve Steps, i.e admitting that I am powerless over alcohol, that my life has become unmanageable. Admitting your powerlessness is a huge step in the right direction. Stick with the SR forum for support.

Delilah1

Welcome! You are smart to stop now, I didn't have a horrible event happen, but alcohol was definitely affecting all aspects of my life. I was not as present as I should have been with my kids, husband, or job.

You will find lots of support in here, and sounds like rehab is an option as well. Take that time to begin your recovery, and leave with a plan for support after.

Keep us posted.
❤️ Delilah

ScottFromWI

That's a big part of the issue that almost all of us had. I know it was pretty much the main issue for me. I'm glad you have decided to move forward with total sobriety, and you can absolutely quit whenever you want. "Rock Bottom" is really just a concept anyway, there is no way to define what it truly means. Unless you want to count death, which of course does happen to some - but bottom line, you can choose to stop whenever you want to.

Berrybean

We all have our own rock bottoms. We generally stop digging when it's got painful enough to make it seem like the only option. Trouble is, you talk like someone who doesn't want to go lower, but then you're still digging. And sometimes we dig and dig we don't seem to get that much deeper. Maybe you'll be lucky. But occasionally we do a little but of a dig and cause a landslide. All this 'I refuse too lose this that and the other' is tough talk, but while you're still drinking and allowing the unmanageable to get worse, then you're edging closer and closer to it. You're playing a stinking game of Roulette with the things you care about most.

You sound almost peeved at the folk in AA who've said that continuing to drink is going to get you a deeper bottom. Of course, you can think of them as negative-nellies who just want to be the voice of doom and spoil your drinking if you want, but that denial carried most of us further down the pit than we'd ever intended to go, and I don't suppose you're that much different from the rest of us really. I suppose only time will tell. I hope you don't lose any more, or dig yourself deeper than you are. There's a happy sober existence waiting for you when you choose to work for it, just like for the rest of us. I hope you decide you deserve that.

August252015

Agree with those posting about this being a great time to stop. Around here we often talk about what we haven't lost - YET. You don't have to get to the point where you think you've lost everything, just to lose more because there is always more- til you die.

Now sounds like a great time to accept that approved rehab stay.

Good luck.

sg1970

Hi Merigold,

I use AA and did not lose anything. I know of many others who didn't as well. Welcome.

CAPTAINZING2000

I didn't call it a rock bottom, I called it pitiful incomprehensible demoralization as described in more about alcoholism from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Rock bottom is six foot under, everything before that is just a spot in between.

Everyone has their own personal hell in describing how alcohol is ruining their lives.

If, your husband is supportive, go back to a few AA meetings and try and find you a sponsor to work with you .

I don't believe everyone has to hit a bottom to stop drinking. I've seen many people stop before that....

Best of luck to you

NewRomanMan

It's not so much hitting a rock bottom Merigold as it is a matter of being sick and tired of being a drunk. Most of us continue to be active alcoholics until the pain of staying one becomes greater than the pain of choosing to stop drinking. That's different for everyone. How much misery are you willing to tolerate? How much of your life are you willing to waste on drinking? When my "come to Jesus moment" happened, I said enough. No more.

Dee74

I kept waiting to hit rock bottom and just kept falling down and down...

I don't think bottom needs to be some calamity...it can be the simple relisation that you don;t want to live this way for another minute more.

D