Newbie Here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 5
Newbie Here
Hey y'all. First post here. I've read through your forums and really appreciate the support that gets poured into everyone's troubles - no matter how big or small. So Kudos to you all.
Anyway - I'm new to this recovery thing - but not to the idea of it. I have struggled with Binge Drinking since college - and rationalized my way through many eye-opening situations. I know I have a problem - and that is - when I start, I can't stop. I have no off switch. I can go weeks or months without drinking - but when I do - I often black out / get completely hammered. I have thought about this and come to the realization that - I AM AFRAID OF WHAT LIFE WILL BE LIKE WITHOUT BOOZE! It has been a part of me since I was a young man - and present at every event / situation. Sure I have some crazy stories over the years, but the more I drink - the shittier things become as I get older. I'm too old to do this crap now (early 40's) and I am embarking on a paradigm shift here.
I don't want to be that guy that can't have one or two - but I may already be. But - I also know that I'm doing this for me - and my health down the road and sanity now. So it has to be done.
I would like to know what your personal journey was like attaining happiness without alcohol. I'm really scared that life is going to suck - and I love to drink!! But I'm ready to take on a new path (finally) - not just talk about it. Please tell me how you filled the void once you decided to stop drinking.
Thanks!
Anyway - I'm new to this recovery thing - but not to the idea of it. I have struggled with Binge Drinking since college - and rationalized my way through many eye-opening situations. I know I have a problem - and that is - when I start, I can't stop. I have no off switch. I can go weeks or months without drinking - but when I do - I often black out / get completely hammered. I have thought about this and come to the realization that - I AM AFRAID OF WHAT LIFE WILL BE LIKE WITHOUT BOOZE! It has been a part of me since I was a young man - and present at every event / situation. Sure I have some crazy stories over the years, but the more I drink - the shittier things become as I get older. I'm too old to do this crap now (early 40's) and I am embarking on a paradigm shift here.
I don't want to be that guy that can't have one or two - but I may already be. But - I also know that I'm doing this for me - and my health down the road and sanity now. So it has to be done.
I would like to know what your personal journey was like attaining happiness without alcohol. I'm really scared that life is going to suck - and I love to drink!! But I'm ready to take on a new path (finally) - not just talk about it. Please tell me how you filled the void once you decided to stop drinking.
Thanks!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR madmills! You'll find a lot of support and understanding here, and many stories of how folks have gone about getting sober.
You mention in one paragraph above that once you start you cannot stop, but you then say that you don't want to be the guy that can only have "one or two". I think you may know the answer to that question already no?
Anyway, stick around and do some reading and ask lots of questions, feel free to share as well. Just about each person here was in your situation at one point. And as you'll see it's quite possible to not only live a good life without alcohol, but an even BETTER one than with it.
You mention in one paragraph above that once you start you cannot stop, but you then say that you don't want to be the guy that can only have "one or two". I think you may know the answer to that question already no?
Anyway, stick around and do some reading and ask lots of questions, feel free to share as well. Just about each person here was in your situation at one point. And as you'll see it's quite possible to not only live a good life without alcohol, but an even BETTER one than with it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
yeah i was worried life would suck too. I even felt as if i had lost my left arm or my best friend had died when i quit. I went through a lot of struggles prior to quiting and a plenty as a result of quiting and plenty as a result of getting better since i had quit and now had to face reality without booze to lean on.
fast forward does my life suck without booze? nope its a lot better. I went through a long period of time where i could not shut myself off without getting inebriated first IE no way to relax unless i got trashed. but even that is better at this point.
I could write a long long list of how my lifes improved. I could also write a list of a lot of things that never really changed because life is still life etc.. too. So its not some magic carpet ride being sober either. But its a better overall quality of life.
fast forward does my life suck without booze? nope its a lot better. I went through a long period of time where i could not shut myself off without getting inebriated first IE no way to relax unless i got trashed. but even that is better at this point.
I could write a long long list of how my lifes improved. I could also write a list of a lot of things that never really changed because life is still life etc.. too. So its not some magic carpet ride being sober either. But its a better overall quality of life.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome Madmills. This is a great place for encouragement. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what drinking is doing to your life.
I felt the same before I quit - was sure life would never be fun again - nothing to look forward to ('fear of missing out'). Yet honestly, it was already not fun anymore. It started out as an escape and a way to relax from everyday troubles. In the end I was using it to cope & was completely dependent on it. It feels wonderful to be free of it. Happy you are here!
I felt the same before I quit - was sure life would never be fun again - nothing to look forward to ('fear of missing out'). Yet honestly, it was already not fun anymore. It started out as an escape and a way to relax from everyday troubles. In the end I was using it to cope & was completely dependent on it. It feels wonderful to be free of it. Happy you are here!
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: West Wales
Posts: 1,630
Welcome to SR madmills. The SR forums and it's most lovely people have helped me to change my life for the better and still does. 
I read and write here almost every day. If you like you can join the October Class and meet other newbies and share your thoughts or join any other topic that interests you!
I read and write here almost every day. If you like you can join the October Class and meet other newbies and share your thoughts or join any other topic that interests you!
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,388
Sobriety is completely different from the way I'd always imagined it would be. It's not about deprival at all, it's about being free of alcohol and all the trouble it brings. It's actually joyous, being free, independent, and alive again!
I bet you'll end up loving it, Madmills. And welcome to SR!
I bet you'll end up loving it, Madmills. And welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
You touched on something that held me back from making serious efforts to quit drinking, you said you don't want to be that person that can't have a drink or two. Because that's normal and socially acceptable and almost seems like.. an obligatory cultural practice that we must participate in or we're not American, or something! LoL! You really do feel alienated from others when you can't drink alcohol the way everyone else does.
So, can you? What I'm hearing is that you feel that you can't. Okay, fine. The way I see it, I have a sensitivity to alcohol that other people don't have. So I can choose to either deal with the sometimes horribly adverse symptoms that I experience, or I can accept that I want to live free of those symptoms. I've met people with lactose intolerance who stubbornly refuse to give up cheese and ice cream. Hey, if you can tolerate the level of discomfort that you have, keep right on doing what you're doing! If you had a life threatening allergy, on the other hand, like one to peanuts or shellfish, then you wouldn't necessarily want to chance it, because you could die. The discomfort after a dish of ice cream is more like the folks who can drink and nurse their hangover in the morning and move on.
So, can you? What I'm hearing is that you feel that you can't. Okay, fine. The way I see it, I have a sensitivity to alcohol that other people don't have. So I can choose to either deal with the sometimes horribly adverse symptoms that I experience, or I can accept that I want to live free of those symptoms. I've met people with lactose intolerance who stubbornly refuse to give up cheese and ice cream. Hey, if you can tolerate the level of discomfort that you have, keep right on doing what you're doing! If you had a life threatening allergy, on the other hand, like one to peanuts or shellfish, then you wouldn't necessarily want to chance it, because you could die. The discomfort after a dish of ice cream is more like the folks who can drink and nurse their hangover in the morning and move on.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Hi madmills, and welcome to SR. I'm wayne.
Here's my take on it. If you're an alcoholic then the disease is going to get worse. This is a fact. It will get worse. A lot worse. It can and will kill you if continue steady drinking. Sure you can be a functioning alcoholic and get through life, but there is so much misery that comes with that. And by becoming a functioning alcoholic you're rolling the dice anyway. The older you get the harder it will become to maintain a level of intake . Eventually the alcoholism will prevail and your dead. A lifetime of pain and misery. Sucks in my opinion.
Here's the good news. If you quit you will embark on the greatest journey of you're adult life. Read the "promises" from the big book. You will gain insight on what you're about to experience by being sober day in and day out.
Sobriety is nothing to fear, it something to embrace. It means life. It means joy. It means happiness. It's how our creator designed us to be, and it's easy to achieve. You just have to choose it, over alcoholism. It's you're choice.
I hope you stay with us, you will be glad you did.
Here's my take on it. If you're an alcoholic then the disease is going to get worse. This is a fact. It will get worse. A lot worse. It can and will kill you if continue steady drinking. Sure you can be a functioning alcoholic and get through life, but there is so much misery that comes with that. And by becoming a functioning alcoholic you're rolling the dice anyway. The older you get the harder it will become to maintain a level of intake . Eventually the alcoholism will prevail and your dead. A lifetime of pain and misery. Sucks in my opinion.
Here's the good news. If you quit you will embark on the greatest journey of you're adult life. Read the "promises" from the big book. You will gain insight on what you're about to experience by being sober day in and day out.
Sobriety is nothing to fear, it something to embrace. It means life. It means joy. It means happiness. It's how our creator designed us to be, and it's easy to achieve. You just have to choose it, over alcoholism. It's you're choice.
I hope you stay with us, you will be glad you did.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,687
Hiya Madmills, I'm in the U.K. and drinking seems to be part of everything, or so it seemed to me!
Your words reminded me of myself, too.
I AM AFRAID OF WHAT LIFE WILL BE LIKE WITHOUT BOOZE.
I couldn't even contemplate life without it, it ruled me and I became its slave, no life at all!
I'd attempted to stop many, many times but in my heart I knew I'd not finished drinking just appeased myself.
When I did stop, I didn't know what to do! How to live, even how to watch a TV programme without a drink in my hand!
My whole perspective had to change and luckily I came across this site. 3 months into sobriety and found out I wasn't alone and there was a formula (tools) to help me keep sober and even more help from like minded people who just knew what I was experiencing.
The use of these 'tools ' keep me sober. I know, you maybe think that you don't want to be bothering about stuff like that, tools and the such!
But it's just like crossing the road. You look left and right, then left again. Then if it's safe, you cross and don't cross until it is. We don't think about, it's just something we do to keep us alive, to keep us safe.
It's the same with our toolboxes. They're there for us, we know how to use them but they're not a burden we carry around, they're a saviour!
But to start with, just baby steps, one day at a time.
It gets much easier and life in the world stays the same! But our lives are filled with quality, we change and it is certainly for the better!
Your words reminded me of myself, too.
I AM AFRAID OF WHAT LIFE WILL BE LIKE WITHOUT BOOZE.
I couldn't even contemplate life without it, it ruled me and I became its slave, no life at all!
I'd attempted to stop many, many times but in my heart I knew I'd not finished drinking just appeased myself.
When I did stop, I didn't know what to do! How to live, even how to watch a TV programme without a drink in my hand!
My whole perspective had to change and luckily I came across this site. 3 months into sobriety and found out I wasn't alone and there was a formula (tools) to help me keep sober and even more help from like minded people who just knew what I was experiencing.
The use of these 'tools ' keep me sober. I know, you maybe think that you don't want to be bothering about stuff like that, tools and the such!
But it's just like crossing the road. You look left and right, then left again. Then if it's safe, you cross and don't cross until it is. We don't think about, it's just something we do to keep us alive, to keep us safe.
It's the same with our toolboxes. They're there for us, we know how to use them but they're not a burden we carry around, they're a saviour!
But to start with, just baby steps, one day at a time.
It gets much easier and life in the world stays the same! But our lives are filled with quality, we change and it is certainly for the better!
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Hi Madmills,
Welcome to the forum. I found that those sort of thoughts about how life sober would never be enjoyable were usually coming from my AV - the addicted voice - in my brain. That's the addiction playing mind games with you to secure its continued supply of the drug. I goes away with time, especially when you call it out as the alcoholic garbage it is.
Welcome to the forum. I found that those sort of thoughts about how life sober would never be enjoyable were usually coming from my AV - the addicted voice - in my brain. That's the addiction playing mind games with you to secure its continued supply of the drug. I goes away with time, especially when you call it out as the alcoholic garbage it is.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome madmills 
Yeah change is scary and it is a bit of a leap into the unknown getting sober...but it's a very small risk really.
Look around at the many many success stories here
The transition phase is a little rough but no rougher than my drinking life was - and my life now is better than drinking me could have imagined it could be.
You've got nothing to lose by giving it a try
D
Yeah change is scary and it is a bit of a leap into the unknown getting sober...but it's a very small risk really.
Look around at the many many success stories here
The transition phase is a little rough but no rougher than my drinking life was - and my life now is better than drinking me could have imagined it could be.
You've got nothing to lose by giving it a try
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Western US
Posts: 1,765
Welcome Madmills. Glad you are here. It is a great place. It was hard for me to imagine what sober life would be like when I was still drinking even though I wasn't born drunk and had dozens of sober years to think back on, but somehow when I was drinking it was like I had severe tunnel vision.
It was a dark place, but the good news is once I quit drinking and got through the first couple/few weeks my vision became broader and lighter and continues to do so every passing week. Now it's becoming harder to imagine going back to a life with drinking.
Take care. Hope to see you around often.
It was a dark place, but the good news is once I quit drinking and got through the first couple/few weeks my vision became broader and lighter and continues to do so every passing week. Now it's becoming harder to imagine going back to a life with drinking.
Take care. Hope to see you around often.
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