GroundhogDay

Good luck on your research project. My career is one research project after another. I just finished one and am looking to start my next one soon. The fun part for me is discovering something totally different from what I expected. The not fun part is pushing it through the peer review process to get published, which is where I am right now.

Towards the end of my unemployment period, I was beginning to wonder if I would ever find something suitable to restart my career. Guess things always turn out when you stop looking for them to.

Soberpotamus

Really?! (cause I can't see this yet)

Well, the therapist said I would be a great lawyer, too. Lol. Just not in therapy, with my husband on trial.

I, too, am super duper impressed with EndGame's patience and perseverance ... and for staying the course all those years.

GroundhogDay

Let us know how your first day went. I know I was exhausted my first week back. Wasn't used to commuting and not being able to nap during the day.

PhoenixJ

Hi peoples. Morning here. Kind of like the posts shared here recently. New beginnings, a chance for good stuff to happen. It's marvellous what a difference recovery makes.

Duffster

Day one is in the books! You're right, it was exhausting and I think it's going to take time to get used to the new schedule. As far as first days go it was fine, getting used to the way the office works, etc. The day started off a bit rocky when I walked through the door and got a call from the school nurse ugh. Turns out all was fine and my son was sent back to class with the diagnosis of growing pains - he has a crush on nurse Jenny and tends to find reasons to visit her lol.

EndGame, your story is inspiring to me. I am going to need patience and perseverance to get back to where I want to be and it helps to read how you were able to do just that and now are we you want to be. I hope today went well for you!

SP, if you ever want to discuss what a career in law is like pm me. It can be very rewarding. I have my master's of social work and my law degree so the two fields can intermix quite well.

Thanks again everyone for all of the support today!!

EndGameNYC

Thanks, Jennie.

I had to laugh about the bit with your husband being on trial in therapy. My experience has been that many, or maybe most, guys feel that way at some point in couples therapy. And many feel that way all the way through, especially those who find "reasons" to stop coming to therapy.

When I'm sober, I usually have a pretty good idea about what I want and what I'm willing to do for it. But much like falling in love, I don't know that I am or that I even can until I get there. When I got sober again, and after some hard work and the passage of time, I came to realize that there were a couple of things that I wasn't ready to give up on in life. Several years and two total hip replacements later, I got back into karate, successfully competed in the national championships last summer, and am now close to earning my second black belt in two different styles.

There were other things that happened and other things I did pre- and post-relapse that held me back, some of it of my own making, that I haven't talked about on SR. I am not without either inconsolable heartbreak or irreversible regret. And it's entirely possible that that's where my drive comes from. I've learned to live with them.

The thing is, I'm no different than anyone else when it comes to the ability to build a good life. I read many success stories here all the time. I mean, what else is there to do in the short time that we're here?

I do believe that, when we're working on doing what we love to do, then things like time, effort and sacrifice are both part of the process and part of the outcome, every step along the way. These things are only obstacles when that's what we make them, and they have no other meaning than that which we give them. A leap of faith enters the picture when we're able to let go of the desired outcome, leaving us to freely engage in what we are on the way to becoming.

It took me many years in my long-term sobriety for me to learn that everything that I wanted for myself and from myself was just the other side of my fears. And then I threw it all away with a vengeance, just before and all the way through my extended relapse.

I don't know how many second chances we get, but I'm extremely grateful that I was able to, not get back what I lost or get back to where I was, but get to a much better place in my life for at least the second time in my life. Bottom line is that I didn't do any of these things on my own.

Soberpotamus

The median undergrad GPA here in Univ of Alabama for law school applicants and for clinical and experimental psychology applicants is 3.8. Yowzers. Mine was 3.5 but there's a reason it's 3.5 and not higher, and that's because I took a lot of hard philosophy classes along with my psychology classes. That must count for something. Still ... I don't believe I'll be competitive with the pool of applicants here. That's kind of disappointing, as this is a top law school in the country and it's 'affordable' compared to the Ivy League ones. Also disappointing because one of the profs in experimental focuses on cognition and creativity, and this interests me. There's also a psychology and law program with a forensic practicum or internship at a maximum secure medical facility here that would be very interesting.

On the flip side, the median GPA for the English Lit program is 3.5. I can compete.

Oddly, my philosophy GPA is HIGHER than my psychology GPA. One poli-sci class on Noam Chomsky (elective I took to impress a guy) and one behavioral neuropsych class messed me up (I was drinking heavily during the time, so I really screwed myself over). Otherwise, I got mostly As.

This is beginning to make sense to me.

Soberpotamus

That's inspiring, EndGame.

PhoenixJ

All quiet on the BLCh thread. hoping this means all is good in the world. Messy day for me- working toward that inevitable but not wanted appointment with div..... Unfortunately one of those times I really need to do as I say. Have a good one lifers.

Soberpotamus

What kind of appointment, PJ?

Soberpotamus

I have a consultation with a psychologist next Tuesday. I'm going to 'interview' a few until I find a good fit for me. I have a couple more in mind to call after this one. It's hard to pick them online without knowing much about them.

I figure it will help to have someone to talk to as I'm considering further schooling. It's a big commitment and will be a stressful change for me. Might as well have someone to help with that when the times comes.

My husband and I talked again last night. He said he will go to marriage counseling, but that it will do no good, in his opinion, as all our problems are my fault. I just have to laugh. It's hard to hold a straight face when he says things like this to me. He says he'll go, but that he is completely convinced he shouldn't be there, and that he needs to change nothing about himself at all, that he needs no insight into himself or the marriage, and he's essentially blameless. Don't know what to make of this. Don't know if it's worth making a separate appointment or not.

I really feel I'm on my own at this point. I will find myself a therapist and see how that goes. I just can't count on him to be reasonable. He told me if there's any doubt in my mind or if I'm leaning toward ending the marriage, to go ahead and do it and forget about the marriage counseling.

It kind of blows my mind how he thinks. It must be nice to feel perfect and blameless.

Soberpotamus

Good news from the transmission people today: They don't think it's the transmission that's bad; they want to change the fuel filter and see if that corrects the 'choking down' issue. That's really good news for my bank account. I hope to hear back from them tomorrow.

saoutchik

EndgameNYC! Well done sir, you give sterling advice so I am very glad things are going well on your own front

Soberpotamus - Trachemys mentioned two words - life insurance - and I think he was stressing the insurance aspect rather than romantic attachments (don't make me spell it out)

PhoenixJ - drinking IS dumb most definitely

Soberpotamus

Huh? We have life insurance. I don't follow.

I thought Trachemys was joking about his own insurance policy. I must've misunderstood him all this time then.

PhoenixJ

SP- had to chase up my tax f/n. The festival of divorce is next wed. Asked nicely via e-m for my ex to send me details of Super etc- which I have been told need to bring so can get everything sorted. Recovery speaking- I have decided to through action fullky let go. 30

PhoenixJ

DAMN buttons. ...fully let go. Including 30 year marriage, a house I chose, helped build, concrete blah. Have agreed to her terms. Too much damage. Not going to turn it into a pap. event. For my healing- that is the best thing to do. Sadness and regret- not anger and resentment. Necessary for all of our healing. Besides- I believe all people are inherently good and the ex is as such. Thus I think I trust her judgement on settlement stuff. Otherwise the last 30 years would be a complete lie. Hard letting go, scary and teary. BUT I am alive. Many people are not so lucky as to get 4 more chances, so I cannot and will not complain.

Soberpotamus

Next week!? Didn't know it was this soon, PJ. How are you feeling? Ready to be done with it?

Anna

PJ, I'm sorry for the upcoming divorce but it sounds like you are handling things very well. It's good that you are not bogged down in resentment and anger. I hope things go well for you.

Jennie, I don't know what to say about your husband's comments. One thing that crossed my mind is that, if the two of you were in marriage counselling, there is a chance, maybe a small chance, that he would see his role in the relationship.

PhoenixJ

How do I feel? Sad, lonely, to a certain extent abandoned- put in the too hard basket. My dad was an Anglican priest- a Canon. The ex is from a VERY strict catholic upbringing Wedding was co- solemnised by him and the catholic guy (got the bishop's ok). 200 guests. Make a solemn vow before SO's, god and the law. In sickness.. or worse... So I did and still do take such things very, very seriously.
So questioning that side of things is part of my let go stuff. Every body has their breaking point. Forgiveness for lack of a better word. I also feel scared. First time in my life been alone. Miss my sons (adults). Part of that recovery stuff- time. Patience. NO MORE BOOZE (nearly 9 months up). So as per usual- every thing is better, but seems a lot harder than when I was young and trusted the world. BUT- I still have all my own teeth.

venuscat

(((PJ))) ♥

So much love.