Dee74

I definitely think keeping secrets is going to weigh you down - it'll make you feel guilty and play on your self esteem.

The whole idea of recovery is to free ourselves, right/

D

Windancer

I know. That's how I've been living mine too in many ways. And I saw something recently that made it really, truly hit home how much it harms my loved ones when I drink. I feel so, so very bad for putting them through that.

Not anymore, though. Not anymore. I am going to do whatever I have to do to heal and get better and live a healthy, sober life.

Windancer

That's what I thought. I went to a meeting this evening. I think I now have a sponsor! I will tell my sponsor what I did.

I don't think it is necessary to tell my one friend that I drank this weekend, unless he asks me straight up. If I am asked I will tell the truth.

But I'm most certainly going to tell my sponsor. Well hell, I'll tell anyone if I'm asked. I just don't see the benefit of going to everyone and saying, "I just wanted to get it off my chest that I drank this past weekend, and didn't go out of my way to tell you". I'm not super close to many at AA yet.

Does that sound reasonable? Or not? LOL goodness I'm not even sure. I must be over analyzing again.

Linz805

Mmmm I know you want to get it off your chest but I'm not sure you need to shout it out to everyone if you don't want to. You have confessed it here and if you got a sponsor maybe let them know if you feel called to. I don't think there is right or wrong there in that. I would hope though that your AA friend would be nothing more than totally supportive and loving. When I relapased it took me a year to get back to AA and I found the same girl I had friended at my first attempt And she told me that I didn't fail and that it was just a part of my journey. Now let's not continue to repeat the cycle but accept it and move on. Good job on not giving up. Fight hard!

Delilah1

Hi Windancer,
I know you had an emotional week last week. I am glad you went to a meeting and possibly found a sponsor tonight.

I know you have done many things in the past, but do you think inpatient might help right now? It would surround you with others 24/7. Also, is it possible to find some sort of club you enjoy: walking, running, book club, yoga, painting, class at a community college, an online class (Udemy offers great and inexpensive classes(

Windancer

Not only have I considered inpatient treatment, I am planning on it. I did have an appointment to get the first forms filled out this Wed. but I had to reschedule as this Wed. is my grandmother's memorial service.

aasharon90

My inpatiant rehab back 26 yrs ago was
not by choice on day one. Family stepped
in to get me help when i wasn't mentally,
physical, emotional nor spiritually capable
of.

However, as I reflect back on my experience
back many one days sober ago, today I
am very grateful that they did for me what
i wasn't able to do then. It allowed the toxins,
poisons to exit my body within those first
28days and gave me a safe, secured, controlled
inviroment to become teachable and learn
about my addiction and its affects on my own
mind, body and soul.

Im not gonna tell you that i loved being
away from my own home, my own little
ones because i wasn't. However, when
my 2 weeks was up and they told me i
wasn't ready to go home and that if i did
i would surely drink again, they wanted
to send me further away to a halfway house
for several more months, I wasn't gonna
have it and begged to stay where i was and
do whatever was needed just to not be sent
further and longer away from my little family.

So they did allow me to stay till my 28
days was over and attached a 6 week
out patient aftercare program to complete
my recovery program.

Yes, that did set me on my path of recovery
and life incorporating this AA program of
recovery taught to me adding my own
willingness, openmindedness and honesty
all to the best of my new sober ability.

So many things were suggested to me by
many who paved the way for me to follow
that learned to successfully remain sober
for a many one days at a time themselves.

I worked at my own pace, some steps
forward and some steps backward,
touching hot fires so to speak till i eventually
learned acceptance of people, places
and things as suppose to be each time,
letting go of resentments, listening, learning,
absorbing and applying to all areas of my life.

No one can ever take that experience
away from me as it had to happen that way
for me in order to achieve what has taken
me so many one days sober down the road.

To achieve many of those AWSEOME
promises granted to us as written in the
Big Book of AA. It didn't happen over
nite and have learned that my recovery
and all that I have and still experiencing
in life is and will continue to be my journey
in life and recovery.

This has become my recovery story
as what ever you experience each day
you remain sober listening, learning,
absorbing as well as applying in your
own life will become your own recovery
journey.

This is my recovery just as what you
have ahead of you will become yours.

This recovery journey belongs to you...!!!!!

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you are considering any possible measure to get sober Windancer, extraordinary problems require extraordinary measures sometimes. I know many who have said that inpatient was the best decision they ever made, best of luck on your assessment.