Jut starting groups not sure if I belong

Old 05-10-2016, 04:41 PM
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Jut starting groups not sure if I belong

I'm in a weird state, I am on break of my 2nd night in group and I'm not sure I belong.

I have 0 cravings right now, I'm feeling better.

Now that's not to say I'm never going to drink again but I want to just be able to drink a couple and be done.

This all started when my wife wanted me to calm down on the drinking and gave the guilt trip.

Well once I was starting to get refused and guilted I started sneaking it around and drank as much as I could in a short amount of time.

I started hiding from my wife first in a backpack, she found that then I started pouring vodka in Gatorade bottles to fit it in my lunch bag.

Then drink outside before going in my house at all.

Well to say it came to me going to groups. Thing is I feel fine and I think my problem was my wife being controlling because I never got that out of control before because I was never restricted like that.

Anyway just wondering some thoughts, thanks guys.
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Old 05-10-2016, 05:16 PM
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I was never a daily drinker so I didn't really have cravings. Not physical anyway.

How long have you been sober? What groups are you going to? How long have you been good to the groups?
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Old 05-10-2016, 05:24 PM
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I would say the hiding thing is a huge red flag. But only you can decide what you need.
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Old 05-10-2016, 05:30 PM
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Well, my friend. If you went to aa to get your wife off your back - I am afraid to break it you but you just might be an alcoholic. Yes, she may be 'controlling' but you may have been out of control.

I wasn't there of course, but ask yourself - this woman that you loved, who you married once upon a time - could she be speaking the truth? read throught oh, about half of the big book stories (the guy's stories) and see if anything in there sounds familiar.

I am giving you a hard time and I am smiling of course, but you get the idea. At the end of the day you can decide for yourself if you like this sobriety thing and if so then welcome. If not - as they say in the rooms - we can refund your misery. Again, I say - welcome. : )
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Old 05-10-2016, 05:31 PM
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PS - I always like to say to newcomers, you have a great journey ahead of you. Enjoy it -
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Old 05-10-2016, 06:37 PM
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I bet your wife had good valid reasons for wanting you to drink less? People who don't have drinking problems don't hide booze in Gatorade bottles to keep it from their wives.
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Old 05-10-2016, 06:51 PM
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Welcome to SR Rj. I'm curious about what you mean by "groups"? Is it AA or group therapy or a secular recovery group like SMART Recovery, SoS or LifeRing?

Having a Gatorade bottle filled with vodka in your lunch bag is not a good sign. I assume you're drinking at work? And if your wife has noticed a problem, you many want to do a serious self-evaluation, as it's possible she is right.
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Old 05-10-2016, 06:55 PM
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When my daughter would complain bitterly about my drinking, I started hiding it and lying about it, saying I wasn't drinking when I was.

The fact that you're hiding your drinking, as well as getting defensive about it, makes me think alcohol is causing problems for you and it might be a good idea to stop drinking.

I'd pay attention to what your wife is saying. This may be your wake up call before something really bad happens.
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Old 05-10-2016, 07:27 PM
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Now that's not to say I'm never going to drink again but I want to just be able to drink a couple and be done.

It doesn't sound like you want to quit. That's what is called "moderating". And, most alcoholics can't do that. For most of us, it's all or nothing.

Welcome to SR. This is a very educational site - read the posts and get some insight. You may decide you do really have a problem and need to quit. Or, you may decide that you do not and that everything is just fine as is.

Feel free to ask questions, you'll find people on here love to respond!
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Old 05-11-2016, 04:27 AM
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alcoholism isnt about how much we drink.
its about why we drink.

i wish you the best and if the controlling intake doesnt work, come on back.
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Old 05-11-2016, 12:42 PM
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If you would have asked my AH 10 years ago about his drinking, he would have flat out denied he had a problem even though his ex gf was unhappy and pushing for a change and making him go to counselling/meetings, he was hiding liquor behind her back because he didn't want to listen to the nagging. To him, she was just controlling. She eventually left him, then I came along (someone else that enabled his drinking). I was okay with the drinking at first, also drinking with him. Then after 8 years of being with him, I've had enough of his drinking, I need a change. I was in the same boat as his ex before me. I told him to go to AA meetings which he went to just satisfy me, but the whole time he was there he thought it was a joke. His thinking, "I'm nowhere near as bad as you. I still have my beautiful wife, no health issues, fit and good-looking, have my full-time job, no DUI's etc". He very quickly stopped going because his mindset was just not there. 2 years later, he is now in rehab after he realizes that he is a true alcoholic and that alcohol is a progressive disease. He had an old man tell him that he wishes he would have stopped when he was m AH age but didn't until 3 failed marriages and a whole slew of other problems alcohol can bring on. The thing about alcohol is that usually it doesn't come on full force right away by rather it creeps up on you until you find yourself in the thick of it that's even harder to get out from.

The scary problem with alcoholism is the effect it plays on the mind. For example, an alcoholic can always minimize their disease because there will always be someone worse off than they are. They haven't lost their job yet or gotten a DUI or homeless on the streets, or craving alcohol 24/7 so their drinking surely can't be 'that bad'. But when you take a look at it from a more logical perspective, the fact that you are having marital problems means that alcohol is impacting your life in a very negative way. The fact that you feel the need to hide liquor in your backpack is not a healthy way to live your life.
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Old 05-11-2016, 01:19 PM
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You do.


welcome to SoberRecovery.

If only I had listened to my wife, rather than hiding it . . .

But, seriously: our alcoholism takes each of us as far as we let it.

If you hear stories of what some of us have lost due to our alcoholism, or read about them here, I hope that you are able to listen with an open mind.

If you find yourself saying to yourself: "I am not that bad." or: "I have never done that.", you might want to add a big fat "YET." to the end of your sentence of denial.

I very nearly lost everything that is near and dear to me.
I used to say that I was not as bad as those folk in the meetings.
I started hiding my alcohol -- hiding my drinking -- hiding.
Then I stopped caring so much what she thought.
I thought that I was right.
Was I not?

I sincerely hope that you have your moment of clarity sooner rather than later.
I was able to help save our marriage when I stopped drinking.
Our marriage was, and is, definitely worth saving.
And I was worth saving.

Many of us carry on losing . . . our relationships . . . our minds . . . even, our lives.

Never say never.

You haven't lost that much . . .


For what it's worth, IMHO: You belong, as much as any of us .
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Old 05-16-2016, 07:45 PM
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I wanted to be able to have a couple and be done, too, but it never was just a couple. After 2 drinks I was just getting started. 3 sounded better, and then the 4th was just around the corner.....if you are like me, that's how it is for you too.
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