30 days off everything
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
30 days off everything
Today was 30 days no benzos or drinking. Well a little longer on not drinking actually. But no depressants for 30 days.
Feel sorta bad that my path wasn't a perfect succession of month after month of abstinence. That benzo taper sucked. I couldn't imagine being off everything for this long.
Don't go thinking I had days of drinking or benzo usage, just a handful of times after the taper was done did I cave. Way better than the cycle of daily drinking and benzo use I had fallen into.
But no benzos or booze for a solid 30 days now. I try and take benadryl to sleep and it works maybe 40 or 50 percent of the time. I never exceed the daily dosage but now stopped that too.
Now if I could stop eating so much grilled cheese.
I do wish I had that perfect track record though.
God that taper was a b****. I can see why people go back. It's not easy... But no way am I going back to that hellish merry go round.
I really enjoy not having a panic because I've realized I left without bringing my pills with me. Being in the middle of something and that feeling of dread overcoming me. And no more counting the pills and obtaining the pills and worrying about running out.
I really hope things just get better. There are no guarantees.
I don't feel that I freed myself from alcohol because I have kindling that scares me from having any, that's the only reason I totally and completely stopped. Although I don't think about it really, I just have no interest. I'm not thinking that it stinks I physically can't drink anymore because I really don't miss it.
Feel sorta bad that my path wasn't a perfect succession of month after month of abstinence. That benzo taper sucked. I couldn't imagine being off everything for this long.
Don't go thinking I had days of drinking or benzo usage, just a handful of times after the taper was done did I cave. Way better than the cycle of daily drinking and benzo use I had fallen into.
But no benzos or booze for a solid 30 days now. I try and take benadryl to sleep and it works maybe 40 or 50 percent of the time. I never exceed the daily dosage but now stopped that too.
Now if I could stop eating so much grilled cheese.
I do wish I had that perfect track record though.
God that taper was a b****. I can see why people go back. It's not easy... But no way am I going back to that hellish merry go round.
I really enjoy not having a panic because I've realized I left without bringing my pills with me. Being in the middle of something and that feeling of dread overcoming me. And no more counting the pills and obtaining the pills and worrying about running out.
I really hope things just get better. There are no guarantees.
I don't feel that I freed myself from alcohol because I have kindling that scares me from having any, that's the only reason I totally and completely stopped. Although I don't think about it really, I just have no interest. I'm not thinking that it stinks I physically can't drink anymore because I really don't miss it.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Maybe.
At least one person here really lashed out at me and took it personally that I slipped. I felt really bad and took that to heart.
But looking back, I am kind of understanding what I took on by finally quitting all of that. It's serious s*** and not for the faint of heart. I am kinda thinking it could have been a lot worse as far as missing out on perfection.
I mean I am barely out of the woods sobriety wise but that benzo stuff is in the past. I don't need to have it on me for fear of having withdrawal symptoms. That is such a huge deal for me. I felt imprisoned by it. It's over. And no more hangover/withdrawals to plan things around or necessitate more benzos.
It's really quite a mess to extract one's self from.
At least one person here really lashed out at me and took it personally that I slipped. I felt really bad and took that to heart.
But looking back, I am kind of understanding what I took on by finally quitting all of that. It's serious s*** and not for the faint of heart. I am kinda thinking it could have been a lot worse as far as missing out on perfection.
I mean I am barely out of the woods sobriety wise but that benzo stuff is in the past. I don't need to have it on me for fear of having withdrawal symptoms. That is such a huge deal for me. I felt imprisoned by it. It's over. And no more hangover/withdrawals to plan things around or necessitate more benzos.
It's really quite a mess to extract one's self from.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Sometimes we can get really invested in someone else's journey - maybe a little too invested.
Not so much now, but I know sometimes in the past I've been really scared for someone and reacted impulsively... I'm sure any 'lashing out' came from a place of good intent.
I do understand why it upset you though and I'm sorry - the bottom line is we get sober for us, not for other people.
I think you've done really well having deal with not only alcohol withdrawal but benzo withdrawal as well.
That's not easy and I think you should give yourself a little pat on the back
D
Not so much now, but I know sometimes in the past I've been really scared for someone and reacted impulsively... I'm sure any 'lashing out' came from a place of good intent.
I do understand why it upset you though and I'm sorry - the bottom line is we get sober for us, not for other people.
I think you've done really well having deal with not only alcohol withdrawal but benzo withdrawal as well.
That's not easy and I think you should give yourself a little pat on the back
D
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
If anyone going through something similar scours the site for experiences like I have I hope they read my threads. I was honest and I laid it out bare. If it was ugly it's because it is. It's addiction and chemical dependency.
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Sleepies, that huge! Good on you! I ASPIRES TO YOU SUCCESS.
I also has speak brutal honest here, and sometime that has bring tough love and sometime gentle support. And, honest, BOTH help me. Both was needed. But one thing for sure, all of it was from place of caring. Is total ton of caring and support for you here. You keepa go!
I also has speak brutal honest here, and sometime that has bring tough love and sometime gentle support. And, honest, BOTH help me. Both was needed. But one thing for sure, all of it was from place of caring. Is total ton of caring and support for you here. You keepa go!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Sleeps,
I think I told you that I joined this site to send you a note.
I care deeply about you, and I am thrilled at your success.
I know it was terrible, beyond terrible, and to get through it was and is amazing.
On the alcohol front, I wish you would give yourself more credit, but hopefully that will come with time.
You rock.
I think I told you that I joined this site to send you a note.
I care deeply about you, and I am thrilled at your success.
I know it was terrible, beyond terrible, and to get through it was and is amazing.
On the alcohol front, I wish you would give yourself more credit, but hopefully that will come with time.
You rock.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
what kept me from trying to sober up for many years was all the people I met along the way who suggested it and made it seem like it was unicorns and rainbows if i did. I new that was a load of BS and that they where lieing or never had a serious problem to begin with or something.
I think they where trying to tell me life was better but all i heard was rainbows and unicorns cause they didnt say it like it is they tended to sugar coat it.
What made getting sober easier for me was being realistic about it. saying to myself this is just the way that it is and it might be crap at times but thats just how its gonna be accept it. No doubt it got easier in time tho.
Point is yeah I like how you lay it out there myself and say it how you see it I dont like hearing watered down stories of the sobering up expierience and such it takes from the reality.
careful with those grilled cheeses lol one time i dieted lost some weight gave up on the diet but went on a grilled cheese binge oh man they are so good i was eating 3-6 a day needless to ssay i gained the weight back lol but it tasted great!!!
I took benadryl to help me sleep too but it tended to backfire a lot. it could make my anxiety even worse go figure! so i switched to the one that had Doxylamine Succinate in it instead and it worked much better but in the end i gave up on that too because I was finding that they made me short of breathe.
Those sleeping bills and such are great but none where ever meant to be some kinda long term solution. But i dunno for me in early sobriety i needed a long term solution for sleep lol. its taken me years and years to finally start sleeping again. and now i sleep on the floor go figure. night after night i sleep on the floor like a dog with my blankets but i sleep good I dont get it but it works for me.
your doing good and it is nice to not hav eto worry about having enough pills or something. I used to obess over having enough beer or having enough smokes it was constant checking do i have enough? so glad to not have to even think abut it anymore.
I think they where trying to tell me life was better but all i heard was rainbows and unicorns cause they didnt say it like it is they tended to sugar coat it.
What made getting sober easier for me was being realistic about it. saying to myself this is just the way that it is and it might be crap at times but thats just how its gonna be accept it. No doubt it got easier in time tho.
Point is yeah I like how you lay it out there myself and say it how you see it I dont like hearing watered down stories of the sobering up expierience and such it takes from the reality.
careful with those grilled cheeses lol one time i dieted lost some weight gave up on the diet but went on a grilled cheese binge oh man they are so good i was eating 3-6 a day needless to ssay i gained the weight back lol but it tasted great!!!
I took benadryl to help me sleep too but it tended to backfire a lot. it could make my anxiety even worse go figure! so i switched to the one that had Doxylamine Succinate in it instead and it worked much better but in the end i gave up on that too because I was finding that they made me short of breathe.
Those sleeping bills and such are great but none where ever meant to be some kinda long term solution. But i dunno for me in early sobriety i needed a long term solution for sleep lol. its taken me years and years to finally start sleeping again. and now i sleep on the floor go figure. night after night i sleep on the floor like a dog with my blankets but i sleep good I dont get it but it works for me.
your doing good and it is nice to not hav eto worry about having enough pills or something. I used to obess over having enough beer or having enough smokes it was constant checking do i have enough? so glad to not have to even think abut it anymore.
, and I mean that most sincerely.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats Sleepie! The bottom line is that you are 30 days sober, if some don't agree with how you've gone about it that's not your problem, it's theirs. Keep up the good work and look forward, not back!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 750
Congrats sleepie! I've been through the benzo meat grinder and must congratulate you on your achievement. Don't stress about the way you did it, just be proud you did it!
Don't forget to give credit to the "Suggested Recovery Food Pyramid" that you came up with.
Don't forget to give credit to the "Suggested Recovery Food Pyramid" that you came up with.
:
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
yeah one things for sure no matter how you slice it you've come a long friggen way and had one heck of a time and done a pretty good job. I mean you can pick apart your past mistakes if you want but dont discount the great progress you've made.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I'm tryin' zjw! It kind of gets, the more into total sobriety I get, I get more nitpicky? Like I'll obsess or feel bad about every benadryl I take though I never exceed the limit. When I was ill a couple months back I took Delsym because it has no acetominophen in it. But I get weird about it. A lot of addicts have that all or nothing, perfection and nothing else kind of mentality.
I meant to say more earlier but I'm draggin'.... talkin on Cow's thread and also getting ready for work! I really appreciate the thought out post you left zjw
and all the others of course. Thanks guys
You really got me here. For the most part, I was able to share here freely about the ugly process. And I do hope someone will find it helps them get through if they deal with a benzo/alcohol dependency. I know I hung on every word and read posts and threads from a couple people here like Chief Bromden and MemphisBlues for someone who really got how ugly it gets. I'll probably re-read them! It's crucial to know you are not alone in this process.
I meant to say more earlier but I'm draggin'.... talkin on Cow's thread and also getting ready for work! I really appreciate the thought out post you left zjw
and all the others of course. Thanks guys
You really got me here. For the most part, I was able to share here freely about the ugly process. And I do hope someone will find it helps them get through if they deal with a benzo/alcohol dependency. I know I hung on every word and read posts and threads from a couple people here like Chief Bromden and MemphisBlues for someone who really got how ugly it gets. I'll probably re-read them! It's crucial to know you are not alone in this process.
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