sleepie

Just passed the yearly anniversary of my only non abusive relative's death. Closest thing to good being cared about I ever experienced as far as family. Only person who took any care with my feelings. The few good memories I can say I have are with this person. Her death was not so terribly long ago. She wasn't like anyone else in my family. Still wish I could have been raised by her. I won't miss my abusive parents one bit when they are gone, I didn't have any parenting. Only abusers. But I sure miss her. She treated me like a human who mattered and never not once criticized my tics or quirks as a kid. She was always good to me. I wrote her a letter once telling her how and why she was important to me. She loved it. It meant so much to her. She saved that letter for years. If you love someone in your life tell them. She was all I had.

least

I'm sorry for your sadness on this anniversary.

trachemys

Sorry for that loss, sleepie. You do have us now.

Dropsie

What a great post, she sounds like someone very special. I am sure knowing how much you loved her was a wonderful gift you gave her. I am sorry for your loss,and glad there was at least someone who looked out for you.

FarToGo

Lovely heartfelt post. Of course you miss this wonderful important person who loved you, and you made sure she knew you loved her too. Happy memories, but sad she's no longer in your life. Be gentle with yourself, grieving is the hardest.
xx

zjw

dont get too many like that in life gotta cherish em.

what stuck out to me with your post aside from how great she was was how you said she was the only one that didnt poke at you about your tics and such. I'm like thinking geeze aint that something!! I know in my case i'd think my parents of all people would be the types to not poke at me over something liek that but I recall my stepfather calling me a Fat A$$ Glutton on more then one occasion or calling me a wussy but using the P word etc.. real kind huh?

For me I had one set of grandparents tho that always thought the world of me. where always in my corner. To be honest the entire side of my family from my biological father really was pretty good. There where not many of them but they where there. They've almost all passed away now it stinks but I'm glad I had them.

I think the one nice thing about getting some good people in your life is it helps you have a way of measureing others to some degree. not that anyone can ever live up to someone else nor should they have too. But I know for me sometimes being abused can be confusing you struggle to figure out what is normal what is ok and if you have someone lke this in your life you can say hey wait thats normal thats ok thats good. IT can be like the lighthouse in the fog if you will and that ray of hope that maybe JUST MAYBE there are some decent people out there.

sure is something tho.

Soberwolf

Thinking of you Sleepie x

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss.

D

Hevyn

I'm sorry she's gone, but very glad you had her in your life. Wonderful that you wrote the letter so she would know how much she meant. You will see her again.

Nic233

I'm so sorry for your loss and so sorry to hear what you've been through.

sleepie

She and I stayed up late when I visited. She told me very personal things, things that got under her skin that she never said to anyone. She let it all hang out. I loved it.

Talkinandwalkin

I always thought it would be cool to live in a universe where people treated everyone in their lives with love and care and worlds like ours would be considered different and bizarre. Bless sleepie. Your avatar always reminds me of something that I can never quite remember. Please help jar my memory!

Talkinandwalkin

I can't get the different universe concept out of my head now! It would go something like this. Let me get this straight, you have neighbors and you do not know their names. Your neighbors had all their stuff thrown to the curb and no one offered to help them. You not only did not offer any help to a homeless person you walked out of your way to avoid their face. You drove past kids begging for food and ordered far more food than you could possibly eat and threw out the rest. What a weird planet! No way that planet exists!

Delfin

I'm so glad you had her, sleepie, and now you have good memories of your time with her to get you through this sad time. It's great that you wrote her that letter. She died knowin you loved and appreciated her.

D.

sleepie

Talkinandwalkin- that's Jerri Blank from "Strangers With Candy" lol

Thumpalumpacus

((Sleepie))

Croutie

Oh Sleepie I'm so sorry. Losing someone you love so dearly is truly earth shattering.
I hope you can find some measure of comfort in knowing how proud she would be of you. You've done so well coming off benzos and alcohol. I know it wasn't a walk in the park either; very difficult...
....Now, if only we could get some sleep.... :-/

sleepie

I know Croutie... it's still a process I guess, I mean I hope that it's just my brain chemistry repairing that causes this inability to sleep. But I was always this way just not as bad.

Berrybean

Hi Sleepie - sorry for your loss. Maybe write her another letter today, light her some candles, and go out and do something she'd have enjoyed to cherish her memory. In recovery I've realised that I eally need to take care of my balance, as I can easily tip into destructive negative emotions (self-pity; anger; and resentment) that I then struggle to climb back out of. I've found that if I make a decision to celebrate the fact that I was really blessed with that wonderful person, and the memory of them, that can help keep my balance.

I'm so glad you had this wonderful lady in your life Sleepie