About to throw the towel in
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
About to throw the towel in
Dealing with health related matters alone.
No family to speak of, went no contact with them years ago due to their many years of abuse.
Also been kicked while down far too many times in life as well as bullied out of things- jobs, social circles- you name it.
I guess that's life. Life, I have been told many times over, is unfair.
Well then who am I to fight it?
I not a person who is cared for, IRL. So what's the point?
I've been laying in bed for days. Paralyzed with test after test after "We'll need to watch this" ambiguity from doctors. Expensive out of pocket doctors.
Sorry if I'm not all pink clouds.
No family to speak of, went no contact with them years ago due to their many years of abuse.
Also been kicked while down far too many times in life as well as bullied out of things- jobs, social circles- you name it.
I guess that's life. Life, I have been told many times over, is unfair.
Well then who am I to fight it?
I not a person who is cared for, IRL. So what's the point?
I've been laying in bed for days. Paralyzed with test after test after "We'll need to watch this" ambiguity from doctors. Expensive out of pocket doctors.
Sorry if I'm not all pink clouds.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
You have a lot of support here sleepie and I think you have a bright future in front of you so long as you can challenge this kind of negative self talk.
It's ok to feel down and have a bad day...but don't drink on it or anything like that - there's no answers there.
D
It's ok to feel down and have a bad day...but don't drink on it or anything like that - there's no answers there.
D
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Sleepie, I doubt it would be just one night. What would you do tomorrow when you feel even worse?
I know for myself, if I start drinking I won't stop at one drink, or one night.
I know for myself, if I start drinking I won't stop at one drink, or one night.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sleepie 
A night of relief would be very welcome.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sleepie
Sometimes you have to just say what people want to hear.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
Sleepie, your courage to stick with it and do the hard work is inspiring to me. Others also, I'm sure. Don't lose hope now.
I hope you feel better soon.
-try to find a way to pamper yourself if you can. Hot bath? Good tunes? Movie? Pizza? -there's gotta be something you can do just for you.
I hope you feel better soon.
-try to find a way to pamper yourself if you can. Hot bath? Good tunes? Movie? Pizza? -there's gotta be something you can do just for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
life has its ups and downs and sometimes it seems like a heck of a lot more downs and like you said it is even worse when your kicked while your down and then kicked a few more friggen times and your ike OMG will it let up so i can maybe breathe even? I swear the only motivating force i've had at times is the force from the last kick in the face or the force from the next one.
And did i think of drinking HECK YEAH I DID!! but I always felt I was damned if i do damned if i dont. I felt i couldnt win with drinking and i coudlnt win without drinking. I had to figure out how to accept things how they where. things just are the way that they are sometimes and sometimes that SUCKS! but I had to think well ? do i wanna sit here in this pit or do i wanna kinda just float along till the tide changes? Or is it possible even swim my way to shore?
Hang in there sleepie. with your anxiety issues I can only imagine what the next morning after a heavy night of drinking would be like for you. That alone would scare me from doing it. Even Tho i know sometimes its like man would i just love to numb out with some booze right now. The cost for that booze is just too high a price we cant afford it. Heck many of us are still paying the price for our last handful of rounds.
And did i think of drinking HECK YEAH I DID!! but I always felt I was damned if i do damned if i dont. I felt i couldnt win with drinking and i coudlnt win without drinking. I had to figure out how to accept things how they where. things just are the way that they are sometimes and sometimes that SUCKS! but I had to think well ? do i wanna sit here in this pit or do i wanna kinda just float along till the tide changes? Or is it possible even swim my way to shore?
Hang in there sleepie. with your anxiety issues I can only imagine what the next morning after a heavy night of drinking would be like for you. That alone would scare me from doing it. Even Tho i know sometimes its like man would i just love to numb out with some booze right now. The cost for that booze is just too high a price we cant afford it. Heck many of us are still paying the price for our last handful of rounds.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
Hi sleepie
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You mentioned a night of relief - but you know it won't stop there. Many of us are the same and that one night would lead to many, many more and who knows if we would ever make it back to sobriety.
Take it easy and it's okay to feel lousy. I hope it passes soon for you. We are all part of this community and you're not alone
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You mentioned a night of relief - but you know it won't stop there. Many of us are the same and that one night would lead to many, many more and who knows if we would ever make it back to sobriety.
Take it easy and it's okay to feel lousy. I hope it passes soon for you. We are all part of this community and you're not alone
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Sleepie, do you think there are people out there with learning disabilities who don't drink away their frustrations and pain? Do you think there are people from abusive families who don't drink?
I hear resentment in many of your posts... envy, resentment, anger. At some point I hope you are able to take what you are dealing with and dig in and start from where you are and embrace some kind of acceptance.
There are days I wish my mom hadn't made my childhood a challenge to get through. And I guess not a day goes by that I don't wish she hadn't killed herself. Some days I even partially blame myself for kind of giving up on her.
These are things that will never change. The events and happening won't change, but my acceptance of them as part of my reality has changed. That is the life I was given, beyond my control. But I can control how I respond and react to them. And in sobriety, that's what I've been doing ... learning how to handle those crazy feelings.
You don't have to be a victim.
You don't have to be tangled up in your resentment and anger anymore.
It really is a choice.
I hear resentment in many of your posts... envy, resentment, anger. At some point I hope you are able to take what you are dealing with and dig in and start from where you are and embrace some kind of acceptance.
There are days I wish my mom hadn't made my childhood a challenge to get through. And I guess not a day goes by that I don't wish she hadn't killed herself. Some days I even partially blame myself for kind of giving up on her.
These are things that will never change. The events and happening won't change, but my acceptance of them as part of my reality has changed. That is the life I was given, beyond my control. But I can control how I respond and react to them. And in sobriety, that's what I've been doing ... learning how to handle those crazy feelings.
You don't have to be a victim.
You don't have to be tangled up in your resentment and anger anymore.
It really is a choice.
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