zoso

I tried quitting few times, lasting between 2 weeks and 3 days off. It seems the fridays are the worst triggers to drink. Since I suffer from depression & anxiety I don't really have any friends. When I'm walking from the office to the bus stop on the street full of pubs I see all these people drinking with friends and that just depresses me, seeing people hanging out with friends. I end up going home drinking to forget that I have no friends. Any similar experiences, how did you manage it? Thanks.

Yogini1603

Hi,

Yeah I can definitely relate. I have depression and anxiety too and at the height of my mental health problems, I isolated even more.

The alcohol definitely shrinks your world and then before you know it, you're drinking to forget the things that should matter to you. I would really recommend looking into some kind of recovery programme; not necessarily AA, but there's loads of other options, even using this website and reading widely round here and reaching out for support. Just getting that input from other people can really help you start to branch out.

I'm newly sober after a relapse and I want everything to be different right now, but instant gratification doesn't work well for me in the long run so we have to be patient and take it slow :-)

Lucie29

I have similar problems, and most of the friends I did have were drinking friends. It would be awkward to try to hang out not revolved around drinking. So I isolate as well. I have a month and a week sober this time, and I have been staying strong by having a goal in mind. I go to the gym a lot, and work on my future at work. I keep so busy all day that by the time 8 pm rolls around I'm ready to relax and have dinner in front of the TV, then bed. Maybe you can plan something to do Friday's after work? Like go to a meeting where you can talk to people, or join a gym or a health club where you can see all the people who are working out on a Friday night rather than being at the bars. I also keep reminding myself how awful it is to wake up Saturday morning hungover for no reason bc all I did was poison myself alone. Sick as a dog and not even a fun night to make it worth it. You could also plan something for early Saturday mornings so you have motivation to not be hungover. There are always Saturday morning yoga classes in every city. Just some of the things that help me.

sg1970

I was in the same boat. I replaced drinking with AA. I basically lived it and lurked in recovery forums for several months until I could get my balance. I suffered from depression and anxiety as well. The more sober time I got the more those lessened. As far as comparing my insides with other peoples outsides. That's a tough one. I learned somewhere along the way to nip that thinking in the bud as soon as it pops up. It still pops up occasionally, but that's the kind of sick thinking that will get me drunk if it festers.

Hang in there. Best wishes.

zjw

i go through phases with no friends. as of now i have no friends that live locally. the other day i sat here and thought my couple non local friends havent signed on to the computer who will i chat with *sigh* then i thought oh well this gives me some peace and quiet to think my thoughts unobstructed.

Not having anyone offers the benefits of not having to put up with anyone elses nonsense. Gives you time to work on yourself and not be distracted with other stuff. It can be peaceful. I guess if your a pretty social person this can be hard to deal with. Being an introvert myself its almost welcomed.

But it does get lonely.

I excercise daily now. This helps a lot with anxiety and depression. helps me get out my stress. and allows me time to reconcile my thoughts alone while i do so. gives me that time to myself that i need etc..

hpdw

I relate to all of the above .

Lucie 29 you say "I also keep reminding myself how awful it is to wake up Saturday morning hungover for no reason bc all I did was poison myself alone

Oh how true this was for me too for years .

Best wishes all

Mountainmanbob

what did you replace drinking with?

Good sober moral living which takes practice.
Church and Christian teachings - such as
Your Best Life: Now or Later? https://youtu.be/vZ7GnHbAtFg -
Coming to SoberRecovery site many, many times throughout the day and night
AA attendance
Exercise
Working on letting resentments go -- can be harder than it sounds

M-Bob

ardy

Hi all.. did you ever get told don't take it personal... pppfftt.. I have some classes I take at the college for the public in clay oils and water colors.. live for those short weeks of fun with those kids.. the teacher is often an intern for the college and needs the experience with a class size. hahahaha so he/she gets stuck with Mom/Dad and Grands... or silly Lady clowns.. but we have such fun.. now find them on the street or coming to an event that I volunteer with. and its shouts of Oh My God its Ardy. ahhhahahah hugs hugs hugs and a fast catch up.. do this check into your local college or community college and is there a writing class or art or drama class that needs volunteers in or you can take for a few pennies... it helps so much kids and beans really and truly helps so much... after this when Charlie is better.. I am going to dig into some clay and create again.. need the outlet.. love to all and hugs an Old Zombie from films hahahahaaaa

trachemys

I replaced drinking with sex. Same as always, no one else needed to be there.

Yogini1603

Hahaha that has made me laugh!

greens

I replaced drinking With exercise, meditation, working extra hours, volunteering, taking classes and learning new hobbies. If the friends thing is an issue you can look into a recovery program, meetup.com, volunteering, or joining a group/class activity. I was surprised by how many people out there didn't drink when I quit hanging out in bars and got active in my community instead.

Mountainmanbob

"Good sober moral living which takes practice."

Covers all the angles.
MB

doggonecarl

what did you replace drinking with?

Sobriety. It might lift your depression and anxiety. But even if it doesn't, how is drinking helping you in the "Finding-a-Friend" department?

hpdw

What did you replace drinking with

Ive been reading your responses and trying to come up with a truthful answer but I cant .
I have a pretty full life as it is and all I have done is taken away the drink and to frequent SR .
There are activities I would like to take up though including Tai Chi ,
I am waiting on my NHS 3 month gym membership induction .
I want to help more with people in need but not sure where to start with this .

I kind of don't want to say "im doing X Y OR Z now in place of drink bc if I stop doing X Y OR Z does that mean i'd start thinking about drink .
Don't know if that makes sense ( even to me lol )

LiveInPeace

I'm always told if I'm depressed, to go help another.

*Volunteering

*Adopting a homeless pet from a shelter

*Reading a book to get me out of my head

*Finding a hobby

Gottalife

I recovered in AA. My starting point was complete hopelessness and no friends, no money, no job, etc. All gone or never there in the first place.

This was replaced with a life beyond anything I could have imagined. I had a wondeful marriage until my wife passed. I have two beautiful children, well now adults, I have had amazing career and business experience up to senior manager, and owning my own businesses, I have a number close friends, and a host of friendly acquaintances. All this, apart from one or two close friends, was found out in the world outside AA. AA let me get out and experience the world.

My drinking friends were never friends in the true sense. They were people I chose because their drinking justified my drinking. I used them and they used me. A fair trade. I had difficulty seeing the truth of that at the start. I felt compelled to be with them or I would miss out on life. After meetings, for the first few weeks, I often popped into my boozer to have a coke and hang out for five minutes. This was where I had my first spiritual experience. One night I dropped in and the place was different. It stunk, my "friends" were talking crap. I finally saw the truth about the place. There was no attraction left in the place for me. I left without ordering my coke, and never went back.

I had trouble seeing the truth in lots of things. The people I thought were friends, were not, and often, the people I treated as enemies were really my friends. Something had to happen to open my eyes.

Recovery999

An eating disorder. That's the wrong approach, don't do that...go to meetings, develop new friends and hobbies, read, play games, join a gym.

Bostonsportsfan

Exercising, lifting, hanging out with friends who aren't alcoholics/drug addicts

Reset

At first? Sleep.

Later, reading, movies, video games, exercise.

And tea. Lots of tea.

tursiops999

Hi zoso -- I agree with a lot of the suggestions posted above. Activities really help and I found it helpful to develop a written list of "stuff I can do instead of drink". Since you have a particular time of the week that seems to trigger you (Friday after work), you might try scheduling something for that particular time every week? I always found 6 pm on weekdays most difficult -- because that's when I used to start drinking when I got home from work. I found an AA meeting that met Monday through Friday at 6 pm, and went almost every day for the first few months. That really helped me get through the most difficult hour, and then all my hours got easier.