Holds1325

Yeah fortunately not everything at the moment gets to me, its just my symptoms related to this colonoscopy.

I refuse meds mostly because my OCD tells me they aren't going to work and make me worse. Not to mention I keep thinking that I'll either have to work at getting off of them someday or I'll be on them for life.

I hope to get over this particular test and be okay first. I guess I'm sort of just waiting til I get this over with and then decide from there. I'm really hoping it happens this week or next and not like a month from now. If thats the case then I might need to start therapy to find out how to cope or be calm.

ScottFromWI

What do you expect will be different when this current event is over?

zjw

not a bad point. I realized it was always going to be something so then what?

I guess part of it is oh well this is just life. But then part of me felt like thats not a good enough answer. I wanted more I wanted more peace etc... it doesnt always work out for me but some of the stuff i do now helps.

Holds1325

I guess I'd feel relieved if the results were good. However I understand your point that It would probably attach itself to something else, any other bodily deficiency.

If the results were bad or what I expect (since I assume the worst) then I'm not sure what then either, probably assume the worst from that as well.

I honestly still wish the doctor would have said, hey nothing wrong lets just not test. However, its the waiting again thats getting to me. Seems like ever since I started sobriety I'm just waiting for something terrible to happen. I know nothing bad is going on today, so I'm trying to live in the day.

I wish therapy was more easier to come across, alas, in this small town, its very difficult to get things weekly.

More focus on life, less focus on not living is what I'm trying to get at today.

Soberwolf

Have you had treatment for OCD it can be very serious if left untreated I still have it a bit might bring it up with my Dr

Holds1325

Yeah I've had treatment for it before. It helped me get over the intrusive thoughts. Unfortunately it likes to manifest itself in different ways or latch onto something else. Health anxiety is the next thing I'm trying to get over.