Sobriety, how strange
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: North of South Dakota
Posts: 86
Sobriety, how strange
Day 18 and going strong....Longest I've been sober in a decade.
The worst part about getting sober, other than the initial withdrawals, anxiety, and insomnia, is figuring out who you are in sobriety. Everything I used to do was made possible - even enjoyable - because of alcohol. For example, after about two drinks I would pick up the guitar and play beautifully. My body would be relaxed and my mind would be clear. I used to love taking hot baths because it was alone time where I could sip a drink and relax. I am somewhat of a creative writer. Again, after two drinks I could sit at the computer and vomit all of my thoughts and ideas.
Now, in sobriety, whenever I pick up the guitar I fumble with the chords and strumming. I cannot take baths anymore because I sit in the water and feel bored because I ALWAYS used to drink while in the tub. When I sit to write my head is completely foggy to get more than a few sentences down (even composing this has become quite the chore).
Time is the great healer, so they tell me. I am hoping, one day, to take back these activities and become a new and improved sober version of me. But right now I have no energy/motivation to grow by trying new things, finding new hobbies, and improve upon my existing ones.
Anyone else care to share their story? How did you find the new you when you became sober?
The worst part about getting sober, other than the initial withdrawals, anxiety, and insomnia, is figuring out who you are in sobriety. Everything I used to do was made possible - even enjoyable - because of alcohol. For example, after about two drinks I would pick up the guitar and play beautifully. My body would be relaxed and my mind would be clear. I used to love taking hot baths because it was alone time where I could sip a drink and relax. I am somewhat of a creative writer. Again, after two drinks I could sit at the computer and vomit all of my thoughts and ideas.
Now, in sobriety, whenever I pick up the guitar I fumble with the chords and strumming. I cannot take baths anymore because I sit in the water and feel bored because I ALWAYS used to drink while in the tub. When I sit to write my head is completely foggy to get more than a few sentences down (even composing this has become quite the chore).
Time is the great healer, so they tell me. I am hoping, one day, to take back these activities and become a new and improved sober version of me. But right now I have no energy/motivation to grow by trying new things, finding new hobbies, and improve upon my existing ones.
Anyone else care to share their story? How did you find the new you when you became sober?
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 199
I'm a little over a month sober and I still feel this way. But the enjoyment does come back slowly. For me my brain was/is in overload working properly again. So while this initial reaction was overwhelming it sort of overshadowed a lot of normal enjoyments in life. It seems to be gradually calming down and allowing me to enjoy little things again. Then again it's still early in sobriety for both of us, I read peopleS stories that it took way longer for life and brain function to stabilize.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: south texas
Posts: 152
"But right now I have no energy/motivation to grow by trying new things"
Starflyer :
Day 18 ! awesome.
I am also having to be very patient whilst my body and mind have to make the necessary major adjustment changes to my system due to the Abstinence of toxic chemicals, that was destroying me.
I know is going to take time, stay in the game!
Cheers
Starflyer :
Day 18 ! awesome.
I am also having to be very patient whilst my body and mind have to make the necessary major adjustment changes to my system due to the Abstinence of toxic chemicals, that was destroying me.
I know is going to take time, stay in the game!
Cheers
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
With patience 
Frustrations, then patience. That's how I found the new me, over time. The new me is a lot like the old me, just better. I did start writing again, and that was crucial for me.
One thing that helped was to try some new things I'd never done before, like gardening, adopting a beagle puppy (and then later, another beagle), and running. Those were all new habits. They were important, I think, because there was no association with alcohol for those things.
It took me two years to start writing though, and my reading comprehension was so frustrating at first. Nearly crushing for me. But, with time, and with patience, and perseverance (daily routines), my cognitive and creative abilities came back.
Hang in there
Frustrations, then patience. That's how I found the new me, over time. The new me is a lot like the old me, just better. I did start writing again, and that was crucial for me. One thing that helped was to try some new things I'd never done before, like gardening, adopting a beagle puppy (and then later, another beagle), and running. Those were all new habits. They were important, I think, because there was no association with alcohol for those things.
It took me two years to start writing though, and my reading comprehension was so frustrating at first. Nearly crushing for me. But, with time, and with patience, and perseverance (daily routines), my cognitive and creative abilities came back.
Hang in there
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
I'm a bit further on than you, (6 months) but no expert, I expect replies from people further on will help a lot.
But, for what it's worth, I was still battling lots of things at 18days, I think the physical stuff was starting to even out and so I was motivated to continue, but emotional stuff and the way I felt about everything was really random from high as a kite to really down and angry.
I've massively neglected any creativity I had through years of boozing and I've yet to start anything new, so don't know on this one. The last month or so I've been feeling more settled and pretty happy to be sober, lots of things have improved, concentration, some relationships, my feeling about work.........
Hope this helps a bit. 18 days is a great achievement, why not see where it takes you next?
Good luck
xx
But, for what it's worth, I was still battling lots of things at 18days, I think the physical stuff was starting to even out and so I was motivated to continue, but emotional stuff and the way I felt about everything was really random from high as a kite to really down and angry.
I've massively neglected any creativity I had through years of boozing and I've yet to start anything new, so don't know on this one. The last month or so I've been feeling more settled and pretty happy to be sober, lots of things have improved, concentration, some relationships, my feeling about work.........
Hope this helps a bit. 18 days is a great achievement, why not see where it takes you next?
Good luck
xx
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
I used to love to cook while drinking, and I was pretty good making my way around the kitchen, even with a bottle of wine under my belt.
First night I tried cooking after quitting (maybe 3 days in), it took me twice as long as it should have, I accidentally grabbed a hot pan and burnt the hell out of my hand, and dinner just didn't taste as good.
Over time my mojo in the kitchen is coming back, but I haven't found it as enjoyable any more. And that's ok, because I've found other things that are equally as interesting, that don't make me fat and can be enjoyed with a clear head (or because I have a clear head).
First night I tried cooking after quitting (maybe 3 days in), it took me twice as long as it should have, I accidentally grabbed a hot pan and burnt the hell out of my hand, and dinner just didn't taste as good.
Over time my mojo in the kitchen is coming back, but I haven't found it as enjoyable any more. And that's ok, because I've found other things that are equally as interesting, that don't make me fat and can be enjoyed with a clear head (or because I have a clear head).
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
If I can distill a great long essay into one sentence it would be - this is NOT as good as it gets
give yourself time - if you're like me you drank for years - 18 days is great but it's not that long in the scheme of things.
You will be able to do all the things you used to do, especially play the guitar beautifully - alcohol didn't give you that ability - the talent must be there
D
give yourself time - if you're like me you drank for years - 18 days is great but it's not that long in the scheme of things.
You will be able to do all the things you used to do, especially play the guitar beautifully - alcohol didn't give you that ability - the talent must be there
D
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,575
Hi Starflyer.
I definitely felt odd & disoriented in the early days. I had used alcohol in every situation - it took time to learn to live in a new way. It gets so much better and easier. You'll go through many changes as you heal. Congratulations on your 18 days of sobriety. You're doing great.
I definitely felt odd & disoriented in the early days. I had used alcohol in every situation - it took time to learn to live in a new way. It gets so much better and easier. You'll go through many changes as you heal. Congratulations on your 18 days of sobriety. You're doing great.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yes - and I remember being really surprised about this. Gradually the difference between working on sobriety (not taking a drink) and recovery (learning how to LIVE sober - really live and love and feel and enjoy stuff again).
Recovery started happening for me when I got a sponsor and started on my 12-step recovery work in AA (I'd been going to meetings for a while before that, but somehow didn't think all that step stuff would be necessary for ME. After all - I was only 'barely' alcoholic. Haha.)
A year ago I'd have reported that I was really struggling - easily enraged; lonely; dwelling on past hurts (mine and other people hurting me) - really quite hopeless and trapped - and that was despite no alcohol for 6 months.
Since then this have changed BIG time. I'm happier than I can ever remember being. I'm calm and resilient (mostly). So, at month 19 I can honestly say it's all very much worth it. I just wish I'd taken advice and not procrastinated so much before starting that work on my recovery.
Take care - and remember things DO get better.
This book is very helpful (free to read on the link) Alcoholics Anonymous : Living Sober
Recovery started happening for me when I got a sponsor and started on my 12-step recovery work in AA (I'd been going to meetings for a while before that, but somehow didn't think all that step stuff would be necessary for ME. After all - I was only 'barely' alcoholic. Haha.)
A year ago I'd have reported that I was really struggling - easily enraged; lonely; dwelling on past hurts (mine and other people hurting me) - really quite hopeless and trapped - and that was despite no alcohol for 6 months.
Since then this have changed BIG time. I'm happier than I can ever remember being. I'm calm and resilient (mostly). So, at month 19 I can honestly say it's all very much worth it. I just wish I'd taken advice and not procrastinated so much before starting that work on my recovery.
Take care - and remember things DO get better.
This book is very helpful (free to read on the link) Alcoholics Anonymous : Living Sober
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Like you, I am still looking for the new me.
Good advice here, one thing I had not thought of was the benefit of starting completely new things that will not be associated at all with drinking. Thanks soberpatomus.
I can only say that there will be a moment when you realise that you were less anxious yesterday, or that you were able to concentrate better, or you felt like picking up the guitar or your laptop to write.
The when I cannot say, but of the fact I am completely confident, provided you don't drink.
I used to hate when people said that, what was one for goodness sake, get over it.
But I was WRONG, so very very wrong. because for me, I had reached the point where just one destroyed the peace of mind that I was seeking, completely. Totally, finito. all the anxiety, self loathing and guilt came back IMMEDIATELY.
No idea why, don't really care much, just is. Feel a little sorry for myself sometimes to be honest, but I cannot change it, so I move on.
Hang on my friend.
Good advice here, one thing I had not thought of was the benefit of starting completely new things that will not be associated at all with drinking. Thanks soberpatomus.
I can only say that there will be a moment when you realise that you were less anxious yesterday, or that you were able to concentrate better, or you felt like picking up the guitar or your laptop to write.
The when I cannot say, but of the fact I am completely confident, provided you don't drink.
I used to hate when people said that, what was one for goodness sake, get over it.
But I was WRONG, so very very wrong. because for me, I had reached the point where just one destroyed the peace of mind that I was seeking, completely. Totally, finito. all the anxiety, self loathing and guilt came back IMMEDIATELY.
No idea why, don't really care much, just is. Feel a little sorry for myself sometimes to be honest, but I cannot change it, so I move on.
Hang on my friend.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
I mentioned it in another post but I'll repeat it here: the night I went to bed and realized I hadn't thought about alcohol at all that day, it was a major milestone. It will come for you too, just hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 20
I'm dreading this myself. For 25 years, I've associated all of my favorite activities with drinking. I don't want to stop those activities, but I need to get to a point where there's no longer that association.
For example, I love going to concerts, always have. I don't want to stop going. But I'm petrified of going to one for fear of getting excited and getting into the whiskey. Gotta cross that bridge though, eventually. I hope.
For example, I love going to concerts, always have. I don't want to stop going. But I'm petrified of going to one for fear of getting excited and getting into the whiskey. Gotta cross that bridge though, eventually. I hope.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Yes, it definitely takes time. Congratulations on 18 days.
When I stopped drinking, I wasn't even sure what I enjoyed doing anymore. In fact, drinking had become my only interest. So, I was starting from scratch. It was exciting in a way, to see what would come along that I would enjoy.
When I stopped drinking, I wasn't even sure what I enjoyed doing anymore. In fact, drinking had become my only interest. So, I was starting from scratch. It was exciting in a way, to see what would come along that I would enjoy.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Well folks for me it took about 9 months to finely beat he boredom trap. It gets easier each day starflyer. My suggestion would be to quit romanticizing alcohol. You think you're better at certain things after drinking. Its smoke and mirrors. It part of being drunk. These talents and relaxation methods you mentioned will be so much better sober than drunk. Like dee said, give it time. You're brain is starting to heal, boredom is part of that. Just stay busy doing something. Dust your baseboards 5 times a day if you have to. As long as you don't drink.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Phoenix AZ
Posts: 165
Waynetheking just nailed it with the romanticizing alcohol is all smoke and mirrors. And Dee74 also correct about alcohols not helping U play guitar better really, U must have a talent there. I know exactly what youre talking about Starflyer. I used to have one of those old, deep tubs. i got one of those bath pillows as a gift. I always drank in tub. I fell asleep once and woke up cuz my head went underwater. A long time ago, cuz i drank heavy 25 yrs solid...I could get drunk, and still get things done i enjoyed. And I enjoyed drinking while doing my thing. But in later yrs, I couldnt get a single thing done while drinking. And i gave up my hobbies i once enjoyed...and just drinking was my main goal of every single day. I couldnt even function anymore. Cuz i was too drunk. I kept drinking more and more. But enough about me. U are doing Great! I dont know how to play an instrument, but i sure loved listening to my friend practice on his old Gibson guitar! Try using some other thing to help U relax before playing? It will come to U and U will be Rockin again! Dont worry. That happens i think, happened to me before. U are just in the habit of using alcohol before playing, writing, etc..Just forget U thought U needed a drink before enjoying something. Omit it..Thats what im doing. Im completely changing the way i think now. I cant keep thinking the old way, cuz i always got drunk again. Keep Rockin!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Margate, UK
Posts: 549
Hey,
I'm a sculptor. I was good when I was drunk, but I'm better now I'm sober. It does take a while for the brain fog to clear, but once it does it's so worth the wait.
I think Ernest Hemingway once said something similar to what you've just said. It's nonsense. That's just AV lies, another way to make you think "Well, I might as well get drunk."
I'm a sculptor. I was good when I was drunk, but I'm better now I'm sober. It does take a while for the brain fog to clear, but once it does it's so worth the wait.
I think Ernest Hemingway once said something similar to what you've just said. It's nonsense. That's just AV lies, another way to make you think "Well, I might as well get drunk."
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