Hope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: London
Posts: 122
Hope
A year and two weeks sober, three days of drinking, and now on day two.
I'll talk a bit more in a bit, but I feel like an idiot. Thank god I stopped again, two AA meetings today, one in a few hours, I look like **** even after three days. There was no slow start, it was straight back to bottles of vodka, hard and fast. I'm shakey, heart palpitations, fearful, angry, annoyed, upset, stupid stupid! Poor old me eh? Yep, I can indulge in a perverse poor old me arnt I deserving of sympathy and encouragement etc perhaps I'm just an attention seeker. I'm not looking forward to the meetings, I know I'll get lots of attention and head shakes and love, it's so embarrassing. But, it's done, I made it a year, now I have to start again without too much damage done. Sorry.
I'll talk a bit more in a bit, but I feel like an idiot. Thank god I stopped again, two AA meetings today, one in a few hours, I look like **** even after three days. There was no slow start, it was straight back to bottles of vodka, hard and fast. I'm shakey, heart palpitations, fearful, angry, annoyed, upset, stupid stupid! Poor old me eh? Yep, I can indulge in a perverse poor old me arnt I deserving of sympathy and encouragement etc perhaps I'm just an attention seeker. I'm not looking forward to the meetings, I know I'll get lots of attention and head shakes and love, it's so embarrassing. But, it's done, I made it a year, now I have to start again without too much damage done. Sorry.
Tabasco,
We have all been there. Great that you turned it around so fast. Many don't.
Any idea what caused it? For me, it was simple, over confidence, and not understanding that abstinence and control are not the same.
I could abstain, but not control it. Now with that in my head and heart, it is easier.
Let us know how we can help.
We have all been there. Great that you turned it around so fast. Many don't.
Any idea what caused it? For me, it was simple, over confidence, and not understanding that abstinence and control are not the same.
I could abstain, but not control it. Now with that in my head and heart, it is easier.
Let us know how we can help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Thank you for your post and I hope your comeback is a successful recovery.
Your post shows the uninformed about how progressive and powerfully destructive that first drink is.
It’s an example of the reason so many can’t make sobriety work if we are alcoholics.
Be proud and sober.
BE WELL
Thank you for your post and I hope your comeback is a successful recovery.
Your post shows the uninformed about how progressive and powerfully destructive that first drink is.
It’s an example of the reason so many can’t make sobriety work if we are alcoholics.
Be proud and sober.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: London
Posts: 122
I tried to get a picture postcard life back too early. Girlfriend moved in with her daughter. But she drinks, and I had to constantly watch it, almost transfixed on a couple of occasions catching myself staring at her G&T, like in a trance, getting a bit closer so I could smell it. Almost an animal reaction, snapping out of it, bloddy hell, I was looking at her drink! That went on for months. I'm ok, I would tell myself. Then, the classic she goes out, I know where her gin is. I look at it. Not today. I look at it again. The rugby is about to start. No, I can't. I go back, yep. It's still there, ****, there is only a third of a bottle. Maybe I could just have one, no one would ever know. Three days of hell, buying bottles, hiding again, just madness. I woke up yesterday morning, there was a glass full of vodka and a splash of Fanta, almost pure vodka, I start to drink it, I throw it away in disgust and call my sponsor. Something saved me, I made a decision, I havnt killed myself YET, stop, start again, you know you are happier without it. I have another meeting in half an hour. I have to resign from a secretary meeting on Friday. I will offer to continue until they find a replacement. It's up to the group. I am ok. I keep telling myself I am ok.
Welcome back, tabasco; glad that you are heading to AA meetings and are back on the sober path.
Would your girlfriend consider a no-alcohol home environment?
Your sober year was a great achievement; be proud of your successes.
Would your girlfriend consider a no-alcohol home environment?
Your sober year was a great achievement; be proud of your successes.
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