changingman

I am currently off sick from work (Primary School Teacher) having had an anxiety attack in full view of colleagues yesterday. I've been to the doctors several times, but diagnosed mental illness or not, I know the first thing I need to address....I'm a drunk, I go to bed drunk every night, I drag myself through work daily with a hangover then I come home and do it again. It's so wrong and will ultimately kill me prematurely and I'll be leaving my beautiful wife and sons.

The acceptance is the first step and the easiest I think. The hard part is doing something about it. I'm sitting here with a can of Carlsberg to lighten my mood at 8.30 in the morning.

AA and a sponsor leaves me cold, I have to do this alone...

I've read lots of threads and a common feeling about stopping is fear. I'm not scared of stopping, I want to, I just cant do it and I wonder if my mindset is right?

dru1085

Hey Changing.

I just found this site last week and it has helped immensely. There is a lot of support here. Your not alone, and your smart for starting by reaching out to the online community. AA is not for everyone, there are many different forms of recovery. Just have to find what is right for you. I am 10 days sober after years of abusing alcohol. I am 29 and now is the time to stop for me.
Being a teacher yeah I would advise that drinking will definitely not solve anything. Its a temporary solution and will wreck you down the road. Make a goal to go a week, then 30 days, then 60.. one day at a time.. then make a decision when your thought and mind are clear. After 10 days I am able to battle fear and urges a bit better. Its not easy but I come here to post and read others advice and stories. Your def not alone mate.

Cheers

Dru -

JK130

Welcome! Yes, you can get sober. It doesn't matter if your mindset is right or wrong. You can sort that out later if you need to, when you don't have alcohol fueling your thinking.

It sounds like you have a lot to fight for - your family and your job. You really can give up drinking. It's not easy but so rewarding. Go ahead and pour that drink out and start your new life. There's a better world for you, and people here at sr to help

Gottalife

There is a kind of conflict in your post. You feel you must do this lone, yet you feel you just can't do it. Maybe the truth is you just can't do it alone.

One response you are likely to receive is that it is a straightforward business to stop. Just read the right book, change a few things, and make up you mine never to drink again. Perhaps that should be your first approach. It might work.

Or you could be an alcoholic of my type who found it impossible to stop, who lost the power of choice in drink, and who would find themselves drinking even though they had just sworn off if only for a day. I seemed to have no effective defence against that first drink, and when the first drink was taken, I lost control.

My thought processes were fouled up, in fact one of the first things I needed help with was how to think and reason. I couldn't imagine being sober and happy. I couldn't do it on my own, neither could anyone else do it for me. I needed help and I had to put aside my old ideas and make an effort, even though it was uncomfortable. It took something more than a simple decision and a bit of will power.

Dee74

Hi and welcome changingman

I waited for years for the right moment or the right mindset...all the while drinking more and losing more of the things I loved...in the end, what counted when I quit was action more than mindset.

You won't meet anyone here who says they feel quit too soon...but you will meet hundreds of people who regret not quitting years or even decades earlier.

Dump the beer and read around a little...start thinking about a recovery plan.

Today sounds like a great day for change

D

changingman

Your message has struck a chord, I am that type of alcoholic.

Who was it you eventually turned to? I'm reluctant to ask for help but beginning to realize I need it.

changingman

Thank you for your insightful response Dru, my wife is upset that I'm confiding in strangers but I am only trying to offload without providing more of a burden for her.

I will use the forum for support just don't want to become too reliant ,or, God forbid, addicted...

Carver

Being addicted to SR is better than being unable to stop drinking.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life as a drunk? My life has followed the same path as my Dad's. Only I've quit and he hasn't. He's 63 and goes home to nobody and drinks until he passes out. I can't accept that life for me.

Sobriety is awesome. Do it! We're here for you, and so is your wife

endlesspatience

I can remember drinking at 8.30 in the morning. It was an awful thing really and it led to me losing a lot of things that were important to me. Today, every morning at 8.30am I listen to jazz, plan my day ahead and read something. The result is a much lighter mood and a sense of purpose and optimism.

Many people like me have been on the journey from where you are now to somewhere much better. Why not join us on that path? Post as much as you can, reach out and things will change.

Dropsie

Changing,

Fear bites. Dee started a great thread on Fear -- you might want to check it out.

The way I looked at it was I as soon as I knew that one drink was the start of a spiral, I knew that I had to quit, and once I quit, I never wanted to have to do that again (still drank a bit trying to prove I could, epic fail).

The fact is that medical community is now pretty much in agreement that alcohol changes your brain receptors and once they are changed that every time you drink anything they say hello my friend, lets party. Simply put, there is no one glass of wine or just on Fridays any more.

I don't know about others but for me at some point it was all just too tiring to be at the behest of the darn receptors. I also found that I was drinking to try and get some control over things that were completely outside my control, and all the more so after I drank.

And once I accepted that I could not control my drinking after I started but could abstain from the first -- with a lot of effort at first -- in a way it got easier, like when I was pregnant. Cant drink, don't drink, move on.

This is not to say that everyone that drinks too much is at that point, just that a lot of us were.

Good luck -- we are here if you need us.

Kallistia

I've read a lot of similar to what Dropsie mentioned, that those little receptors are either dormant or active - there is no in-between, no moderate or stable.

I can't tell you how to stop, it's different for everyone - but I'm in the same boat as Carver when it came to alcoholic parents. My mother is long recovered, decades recovered, since a bout of liver disease nearly killed her when I was around eight years old. My father drinks a 5th of Jim a night on top of beer, which is why my mother left him a good fifteen years ago after nearly twenty years of marriage, and leaves me voicemails alternating between apologizing for an alcohol fueled incident I got him out of a few weeks ago and yelling at me for "being a petulant five year old) having a "temper tantrum" and not answering the phone (I'm just not ready to talk to him to be honest)

You will find your way and find what will work best for you. My suggestion is speaking to a doctor or therapist of some sort to receive professional feedback on beginning steps.

ScottFromWI

Welcome Changingman. I'm glad you've seen a doctor, are they aware of your drinking or did you just go see them about the anxiety? I had anxiety and panic attacks during the end stages of my drinking career too, and it was actually caused by the alcohol. Especially withrdawals...I was an every day drinker too, and by the end I didn't get hangovers anymore...i went into withdrawals every day if I didn't drink. I'd get severe anxiety, heart paplitations, racing pulse, panic attacks, etc. Quitting drinking improved it significantly, although I do have some anxiety issues I still deal with, but they are now manageable.

I would agree with the others here that its extremely difficult for one to "do this alone" when it comes to quitting. Who you seek for help is going to be up to you, but don't rule anything out until you've given it a fair shake. And realize up front that no matter what method/plan/program you use there will be things that you will be required to do that you do not want to do. Getting sober is hard work...but it's more than worth it in the long run.

tomsteve

imo this part answers the question of if you are ready.

if yo are ready you will get all alcohol out of your house. your mood isn't getting "lightened."
if you are ready you will see doing in on your own is what got ya here. it hasn't worked for crap.
you will accept help no matter where from and what it involves.
you will decide to do whatever is necessary to get and stay sober- willing to put in the footwork.
you will face fear with courage and do whatever you have to do in spite of fear.

getting sober was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. it took a lot of footwork on changing me, my actions, and my thinking.
staying sober has been easy.

the greatest decision I have ever made was my decision to give up alcohol and be willing to do whatever was necessary to do that.

hope ya decide to do whatevers necessary. never would have thought that after 23 years of drinking I could have the awesomely blessed life I have.

JamesfrmEngland

Get in touch with Addaction around your area. They have day treatment recovery centre around my area which was instrumental in getting me to stop. They probably have one around your area.

Berrybean

Hi from another UK Teacher.

Have you checked to see if your school subscribes to a wellbeing scheme? Most do I believe. If so, your head can refer you for some free counselling sessions. This may be useful. I found that they were a start (but of limited value as I wasn't ready to be honest - not with myself or with anyone).

Personally I have found AA to be a massive, massive help. I would recommend at least giving it a go. You will not have to speak at all if you don't want to. The stuff I have learned there about dealing with anxiety; fear; resentment; etc. has been a tremendous help to me both in recovery, but also when dealing with the pressures of work.

I can highly recommend the little book, Living Sober, which is available from Amazon for Kindle or hard copy to get you going on your recovery initially.

Wishing you well in whatever recovery you try.

Soberwolf

Are you ready ? YES your ready have you got a plan ?

changingman

Soberwolf -Yes, there is an initiative called Sober October in UK, and elsewhere maybe, not sure. Its a sponsored event for McMillman Cancer care I believe. Just about to register.

Gottalife

I am guessing that was my earlier post you are referring to?

I tried a lot of things that I thought would restore me to sanity. And it wasn't just me trying. My family got me in with a psychologist who recommended rehab at age 17. The court placed a prohibition order on me, and eventually locked me up in the laughing academy. I had some contact with AA in there, but I wasn't buying it. I could not see the problem. Folks thought it was my choice of friends, so I shifted towns to get away from them. Only made one mistake, taking me along. Soon had new "friends" just like the old ones, and new problems just like the old ones. Got a new girlfriend, got a new job, shifted towns again. By this time I am swearing off almost every morning, full of guilt and remorse. Get out of the lock up in the morning for something I did while drunk, every reason in the world not to drink, locked up drunk again that night. Huge disappointment with my performance at life in general. Unable to follow through on anything. Eventually malnutrition and hallucinations, sleeping in parks, no friends, no money, no job, no solution except maybe that one I rejected at the start, AA.

I didn't just pop in to a meeting to see what it was all about. I was still very sceptical and I really believed by this time that nothing would work for me.

So I rang AA and arranged to see a recovered alcoholic. We spent an afternoon together. I asked plenty of questions, I listened to his story and his explanation of the AA program, we looked at my story and I began to see what the problem was. I found out about how meetings run, and that I was under no obligation to do anything. At the end of the afternoon I felt a solution might me possible and I had enough confidence in my new friend for him to take me to a meeting.

The rest is history. I have not needed to take a drink for 35 years, and for many years have not ever considered alcohol as any kind of option. I did the work that AA suggests, and the problem was removed as AA promised.