Shantilove

Hi I'm new to these forums, I've come to the realization that I am an alcoholic, I can't live in denial any longer. I drink every night and some days until I pass out. I become to grumpy and mean to my husband. I am ashamed at the states he comes home from work to find me in. But I really out did myself on my recent bender, I got naked In front of my husband and his friend, I don't know what I was thinking or why I did that and I'm too ashamed to ask him for any more information. I'm scaring myself with my behavior now. So this is my first day attempting sobriety. I'm scared but I'm more scared what continuing drinking will do to my life.
I really hope this anxiety shame and guilt will pass. Any advice would be appreciated.

Notimetoloose

Hi Shantilove, welcome to the forums...The shame and guilt does pass with each and everyday.
In the early days I threw myself at sobriety, like it was my job and my life depended on it.
I read everything and learned so much from this site.
Remember HALT...hungry, angry lonely tired...these can be massive triggers.
Take care.

Shantilove

Thank you I appreciate that. I'm struggling with anxiety so bad right now and all I want is one drink to cure it but with me there is no such thing as just one drink.

Notimetoloose

Hugs Shantilove, The anxiety will pass. Hang in there. In the long run the drinking will only compound your anxiety and it will return with a vengeance..
It is important that you withdraw safely...you can go to the ER or talk to the doctor..they can help keep you in the first few days of detoxing of the alcohol.

Shantilove

The shame and regret about embarrassing things I've done is really getting to me. I feel like I've lost my mind and am sabotaging my life for no reason. I'm so tired of having to wake up and apologize. I just hope it's not to late, my husband won't even look me in the eyes.
I will go to see a doctor tomorrow. Thank you for the advice.

Notimetoloose

In the beginning the shame and regret can be crippling if we let it, we can use it to propel us forward to make sure it never happens again.
Please don't let the doom, shame and regret trick you into drinking.
This is your life and you are doing great by finding this site..
You can take control back of your life and shut the addictive voice in your head down.
Have you thought about meetings? AA, SMART, they can be helpful for additional support?.
I like AVRT...

Drink lots of water... it can really help with the dehydration...

Shantilove

Yeah I have thought about meetings, I'm hesitant to go to AA because I've heard It's strongly influenced by religion and I'm not Christian. But I need help I need people who understand me to listen and give advice. I'm living in Japan and don't have many friends here so it's hard. I'm trying to be strong.

Notimetoloose

Same here, I am not at all religious. I am not AA but in the beginning I went to a lot of meetings...SMART and AA...It helped me so much in F2F contact with others...took me out of my denial and isolation....helped me ...
It is about what works for you to keep you sober finding a plan that works.

Shantilove

Very true. Thank you.

Dee74

Welcome shantilove

Itys natural to think about your past and have regrets...but thinking about it too much can actually lead us back to drinking.

Try and think positively - you're taking steps to deal with your problem, you've found a great support base here and you have some sober time behind you.

Today is infinitely far more important than yesterday because we can do a lot with today

D

Shantilove

Thank you D I needed to hear this right now. Thank you.

FeelingGreat

Shanti, many of us have done things we're ashamed of. The fact that you're making sure it doesn't happen again shows you have self-esteem and the wish to become a better person. That's essential.
Now you've made your choice, own it. No-one's forcing you; you understand how important this is to your marriage and life. I promise you that in a year's time you won't know yourself.
Look through SR for tips on dealing with cravings and anxiety. Your doctor is a great start.

Shantilove

Thank you. I know your right. Things can only get better from today.

tomsteve

glad youre here. ive been in aa 10 years now and have heard and read the misconception of it being influenced by religion,yet havent witnessed it. theres quite a few people in aa that have found religion or got back to their religious beliefs in aa- recent meeting had a catholic, hindu, jew, budhist, maybe a christian or 2.
but the program isnt religious. its spiritual, which saved my ass.
religions for people afraid of going to hell and spirituality is for people that have been there.

soo, what id suggest ya do before throwing it out is searching the web for "big book online" and do some reading. the first 164 pages are the suggested program and what will happen with ourselves and our lives if we chose to work it. the rest of the book is some personal stories.


all of the promises have materialized for me with a few coming to mind
that feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

Shantilove

Thank you I appreciate your advice I will look into that book.

Soberwolf

Welcome

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Shantilove!!

FarToGo

Welcome, you've come to a good place, lots of understanding and compassion here for you. So many of us have done things we're ashamed of / regret. It's realising you don't want to live that way anymore that counts now.
I wish you well xx

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, Shantilove.

The shame and guilt will ease with time and the making of proper amends. It is important to put it behind you, though, as moving forward while chained by shame and guilt is very difficult. I don't personally utilize AA but, from what I have read, the Steps help you to deal with this.

Congratulations on choosing sobriety; it is an exponentially better way for us alcoholics to go though life.

Again, welcome.