Clarebear13

My girlfriend threatened to dump me if I don't get my drinking under control. I don't think I drink that much, but I do drink every day and obsess about when I can have my first drink. I might have a small drinking problem, but I'm not alcoholic. Right? I mean I don't drink in the mornings and I don't hide bottles of booze around the house. Maybe I should drink less when I have my kids. I don't know. This is all too much to deal with. I guess I need to know how you guys knew when everything got too much.

suki44883

Welcome to SR, Clarebear. This is a great place for support.

We cannot tell you if you are an alcoholic; but, if alcohol is causing problems in your life, that is something to give some consideration. Obsessing about when you can have a drink, and drinking while you have your children is also another red flag.

Alcoholics don't all hide their drinking. Alcoholics don't all live under bridges drinking cheap wine out of a bottle in a paper bag. Alcoholism is no respecter of persons. Alcoholism can claim the CEO, the doctor, the nurse, the attorney, the Judge, the police officer, etc.

I'm glad you found us. I hope you will spend some time reading around the forum. You will find that what you are dealing with and going through is not at all uncommon. You are not alone.

fini

stick around, Clarebear, and read lots.
more to the point, getting my drinking under control was exactly what it turned out i couldn't do. and no, i didn't drink in the mornings, nor lose jobs, nor kill anyone driving drunk, but yeah, i sure did obsess about when the next drink might be. even if it was a month away.

you could do the oft-suggested experiment of deciding not to drink for six months and then see how that goes....you might get a clue already if that very idea sets your teeth on edge and gets a full-on negative reaction...

welcome to you.

ScottFromWI

Welcome SR ClareBear. Only you can decide if you have a drinking problem or If you are an alcoholic. Having said that your post is filled with red flags in regards to your drinking. For one, you obsess about the first drink. You also drink every day. Your girlfriend thinks it's a problem too. You think you drink too much around your kids and lastly you are posting for advice on a recovery message board. None of those are "normal" drinking habits.
There are lots of helpful folks here and lots of information on getting and staying sober of that ends up being your choice. Be honest with yourself and see what the best decision might be.

Clarebear13

Thanks guys! I agreed to give up until we go on holiday in October. I lasted 10 days. I just keep thinking about drinking on holiday. It's bad.

BackToSquareOne

Alcoholism is a progressive problem for most people. I drank for over 3 decades, at what point does one cross the line and become a certified alcoholic. That's a very good question, I would say if it's causing problems it probably is a problem.

MelindaFlowers

Welcome.

For me, the mental obsession was perhaps the worst part (and the biggest sign) of alcoholism. You mentioned that you had this too. I never drank in the morning either but all day I was thinking about when I would have my first drink and what store to go to in hopes of not seeing the same cashier every day. Every day I counted the minutes until 5 PM. I also put my drinking time about any and everything. If it got in the way of me drinking every night at home, I didn't do it.

I haven't had a drink in about 14 months and my life has improved in pretty much every way. Aside from not being hung over every day at work, the obsession is gone because I gave up the fight to drink or not drink or drink a little bit or drink a lot. I completely gave up the fight. It sure took at lot of stress out of my life.

Grungehead

I'll try to answer this question as best as I can. I didn't think I drank too much when I got in trouble at work for missing days due to hangovers. I didn't think I drank too much when my girlfriend left me. I pretty much knew that it got to be too much when I was miserable whether I was drinking or not.

By that I mean that when I was drinking, negative things were happening in my life due to my drinking (whether that be health, relationships, employment, finances, etc.). But if/when I tried to cut back or quit I was miserable because all I could think about was how much I wanted to drink, or drink more if trying to cut back. That's when I realized just how much alcohol ruled my life.

SportsFan15

Hi ClareBear, my life got so much easier when I gave up the big question: "am I an alcoholic or not?" The questioning and analysis got in the way of me seeing the simple truth: I have a problem. I agree with folks who say trying giving it up for 6 months or longer. Because that was so hard for me, I realized alcohol had too much importance in my life.

Dee74

There;s some really good advice here Clarebear. I think your gf might be onto something?

D

Gottalife

If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot stop entirely, or if when you take a drink you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.

I think most of us here tried a few experiments before we were able to see for ourselves exactly what the problem is. Once we know, we are in a much better position to seek a solution.

Good suggestions about stopping for a few months. Try it and see how it goes. If you find it impossible, you will have your answer. Good luck.

MIRecovery

Reality check:

• Someone you love is going to leave you
• You obsess over drinking
• You drink everyday

If you are honest with yourself I think you can answer your own question

Live2Run25

THIS. 100x over. It's worse than you think.

tursiops999

Hi Clarebear. I just wanted to share that I, too, did not drink in the morning or hide bottles. I never even threw up from drinking (not since college, anyway, which was a long time ago). I was able to go to work every morning, although a little bit hungover.

After experiencing problems in my relationship, and starting to obsess a lot about alcohol, I decided "maybe, maybe, alcohol is causing a problem, and maybe I"ll see what life is like without it". That was one year ago, and now I can really clearly see that I had early stage alcoholism - I'm an alcoholic. And life is so much better sober!

huntingtontx

I understand your confusion. At first I asked myself a lot of questions. I did not miss work, did not drink and drive, had a clean house. I did not even drink every day. But I did drink to blacking out sometimes. I hated that I would lose control and not know what I said the night before. It does not matter now. I have not had a drink for over two years and no black outs. I know what I am doing and what I have said. Life is so much better without alcohol. It does not matter if I was and alcoholic or not, (I believe I am ) but that does not matter. If alcohol is a problem and you are not an alcoholic, just quit drinking. End of story. If alcohol is a problem and you are an alcoholic, quit drinking. Not easy, but you can do it. Life is so much better without drinking, I promise. Good luck and welcome to SR.

rosco

Get a copy of the book AA. If you read the first 164 pages and it sounds like they wrote it about you, then your like me and many others.

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me.

I heard that same thing from more than one girlfriend.
I didn't stop drinking.
In short time they were long gone from my life.

Note: Usually when things such as that are shared the thought of leaving has been well planted in the mind.

Yes, even though in the old days I knew that I should not drink when I had my daughter for visitation, it seemed that I would usually drink a little with her around. As I look back on those times today it makes me very sad.

Seems like the signs may be there for you ???

Problem with most alcoholics.
They can't see the writing on the wall.

Wake up and smell the coffee.

MM

IOAA2

Hi.
I made many of the same statements when I first went to AA and a popular response was: go 90 days to meetings and don’t drink and see how you feel then. If not satisfied with your life at that point there’s the door, your misery is refundable.

BE WELL

Sudz No More

You have one week's worth of great responses ahead of me so I'll just back up what most have said. One is too many and ten are never enough from the sounds of where you are headed. Maybe you are not that far yet but all the warning signs are there. Someone you love thinks you drink too much, big red flag even if you think they are overbearing. You can't stop thinking about drinking and plan for your holiday including booze with fervor. Biggest red flag of all and third but not least you searched out alcoholism on the internet and joined a recovery website.

Reset

Don't get hung up on whether you fit the description of an alcoholic. Just put it in terms of whether it's a problem. Even if you haven't hit bottom like people imagine the stereotypical alcoholic, if you think it could be a problem that's a sign it is.

About going on holiday, the first time I quit I had a vacation planned 4 months out (to Brazil of all places) and told myself that if I wanted to drink then I could. By the time came around I had no interest in drinking and can honestly say it was the best vacation of my adult years.

A couple of the benefits were that I didn't have to stress about how/when/where I was going to get my nightly drinks (that was way more liberating than you might imagine), it was great to have my wits about me at all times, and it was a hell of a lot cheaper. You might find the same on your trip.