Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XII: "Rubik's Moo"
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
One thing I figured out about depression, it's a royal pain in the patute and I wish it would stop trying to hang out with me. I would think if depressions was going to visit Cow it would say, oh hells bells we gotta visit Cow, she's going to make us smile and mess up our whole day. Your beyond awesome Cow and there's no getting around it!!!
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Thank you for you sharings, I appreciate you guys feel okay to be you selfs and admit you slippings and slidings and hot messiness.
Since we getting all confessional, I has to admit, I had slip while ago too. I not tell you guys, cuz, I just couldn't. Not again. I still processing it, cuz I had have feeling of certainty that I done, which I proclaim at start of this thread, then just couple few week later I face down in bottle of Malbec.
W. T. F. Cow?! Is kind of shell shocking when you fail after you was doing well and start think you have it. But you not have it. But you thought you had it. But no. But... you get my point.
Is indeed very terrifying, little kittycat, cuz how you EVER trust you through this hell, when you going along, putting you time in, and then, KAPOW!
I struggle with thinking I also lost cause, Shabs. I has been "pray" to Universe for relief, for strength, and plus also pointing out that so far it pretty much only ever crap all over me and maybe it might want to give me little bit of freaking break, yes?
I not give up either. Not sure why, cuz is no evidence anywhere in existence in entire life that I ever be successful to achieve balance mind and wellness, but, theoretically, is not impossible, I guess.
Since we getting all confessional, I has to admit, I had slip while ago too. I not tell you guys, cuz, I just couldn't. Not again. I still processing it, cuz I had have feeling of certainty that I done, which I proclaim at start of this thread, then just couple few week later I face down in bottle of Malbec.
W. T. F. Cow?! Is kind of shell shocking when you fail after you was doing well and start think you have it. But you not have it. But you thought you had it. But no. But... you get my point.
Is indeed very terrifying, little kittycat, cuz how you EVER trust you through this hell, when you going along, putting you time in, and then, KAPOW!
I struggle with thinking I also lost cause, Shabs. I has been "pray" to Universe for relief, for strength, and plus also pointing out that so far it pretty much only ever crap all over me and maybe it might want to give me little bit of freaking break, yes?
I not give up either. Not sure why, cuz is no evidence anywhere in existence in entire life that I ever be successful to achieve balance mind and wellness, but, theoretically, is not impossible, I guess.
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
Originally Posted by aussieblue 
you didn't say anything about pigs. Hope your day improves cow.
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p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,072
Originally Posted by trachemys
I avoided rage induced murder today! Highpoint!
I'm sick. I spent all day in bed which I don't remember doing ever.
I don't care too much about other people, except 2 or 3. So no hugs or boo-hoos from me. But I like order and growth, like ears of corn in a field.
I hate peas though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Cow - I tried to find a short story for you that I read a long time ago and which I think you would like very much, but can't get hold of it. Bugger. It's called 'Kite flying party at Doctors' Point', and is written by Keri Hulme who wrote 'The Bone People'. It is written very much from an 'anhedonic's' perspective, if I remember rightly. She has been invited to the beach to 'cheer up', and at one point she notes how the children and adults are all "straining for fun". I really liked that line. Maybe it was just her own projection, maybe not. Anyway, I couldn't get it for you, but the thought was there......
:-)
:-)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
Isn't despair a sitting on the fence between delusion and clarity, a turning away from an even deeper reality, the sought reality that is beyond the ecstasies of passing ego trips? That's what I ask myself when I'm walking around summertime Manhattan surrounded by beautiful rich people. It's not the loneliness: it's the deep instilled feeling that I deserve something. And then I turn my back on the world, stop courting its contrived happiness and insulated inhabitants. And then I feel like I can be in it and also find myself in it anew. But it's so damned hard.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Great analogy. No, she doesn't go down easy the old ego. Maybe we can maintain the delusion for a while, but clarity will keep calling us through ever increasing despair, I've found. I think too though that some people are at the mercy of any number of biological disadvantages. I don't think it's purely philosophical, but it surely must be an important component. And agreed, it is damned hard.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Alls I know is, you can no think you way out of adhedonia. Maybe you can think you way out of some depressions, if the depressions is situational and you can shift perspective or let something go, but if depression is organic or physiological, I think is very hard to affect. However, I sure in my case, the physiological depression has been exacerbated by situational depression over my physiological depression. Yes, that right, I depress about my depression. In fact, I maybe even depress about being depress about my depression. What color is pill for that?
Okay, my friends, we getting at our 500 post limit, so I gonna say hugs and goodnight to all, and Mr. D can lock her down. I gonna be at cabin for a week, so maybe not start new thread until I get back. Who knows, maybe you purple cow will come back from nature not such a blue moo.
~Moo Mwah to all
Okay, my friends, we getting at our 500 post limit, so I gonna say hugs and goodnight to all, and Mr. D can lock her down. I gonna be at cabin for a week, so maybe not start new thread until I get back. Who knows, maybe you purple cow will come back from nature not such a blue moo.
~Moo Mwah to all
...Mods!
Can someone kindly point me to the forum that deals with withdrawals from Cow threads? 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,589
Originally Posted by Cow
Okay, my friends, we getting at our 500 post limit, so I gonna say hugs and goodnight to all, and Mr. D can lock her down. I gonna be at cabin for a week, so maybe not start new thread until I get back. Who knows, maybe you purple cow will come back from nature not such a blue moo.
~Moo Mwah to all
D
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