Relapsed multiple times
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: La Crosse, WI
Posts: 15
Relapsed multiple times
I have been depressed for a while now. I am also am very much an alcoholic (over 10 years now and I am 28 years old now). Maybe like 3 months or so I have been depressed. I used to be on Effexor, but then I weened myself off of it without telling the doctor because I was dumb and thought I didn't need it because I was happy. I had been sober for 8 months and it wasn't more than a few weeks after weening myself off the Effexor that I relapsed for the first time (3 days ago I started back on the Effexor).
After that I went another 6 months till I relapsed again. I ended up relapsing I think another 3 or 4 times after that, and recently I haven't gone more than maybe 3 weeks to a month before I would relapse again. The last time I drank though was 9 days ago, which was a 3 day drinking binge. I barely remember a thing those 3 days, and the 2nd day I ended up getting a ride in the ambulance and in the ER. Once I left the ER, I even went and drank again the next day, but I left still intoxicated from the hospital. I ended up in the ER because I passed out at my girlfriend's house and her and her parents couldn't wake me up. When I drink, I basically chug vodka straight from the bottle. So yeah it's that bad.
Every time I drink I lie about it too, even though I don't remember doing it or why I do it. I mean it's so obvious when I'm drunk, but I guess when I am under the influence I think I can get away with it. I've tried lying to my girlfriend multiple times about being drunk. She doesn't deserve that and I am pretty much thin ice with her. We just love each other so much. I really don't want to be a drunk, and I hate how little things that bother me makes me upset or depressed the whole day or when I get bored has made me choose to drink.
I also have anxiety/panic issues for a long time. I have been on benzos
for like 5 years or so. I was first on Xanax, but then like 3 months ago switched to Klonopin. I have recently talked to a therapist and I agree with her that I need to get off the Klonopin, start on Campral, get back on Effexor which I am, and I will be doing an alcoholic/addiction group that meets for 3 hours a day, 4 days a week for 4 weeks.
I don't want to be like this anymore, and I just want to be off the booze forever because nothing good ever comes from it and just makes things much much worse. I have never gotten any professional help before, so I hope this plan will work. I don't want to lose my girlfriend, but at the same time I know I have to do this for myself. I mean if I went back to drinking the amount that I was drinking everyday like I was a few years ago which went on for a number of years, I won't live very many years. I also had problems with drugs in the past, but I haven't touched any drugs (mostly opiates and cocaine) for years.
I hope things can go back to the way they were like last summer before I ever relapsed. I just thought I would share this, and I guess I just want to hear from people I have a good plan right now. Thanks for reading
After that I went another 6 months till I relapsed again. I ended up relapsing I think another 3 or 4 times after that, and recently I haven't gone more than maybe 3 weeks to a month before I would relapse again. The last time I drank though was 9 days ago, which was a 3 day drinking binge. I barely remember a thing those 3 days, and the 2nd day I ended up getting a ride in the ambulance and in the ER. Once I left the ER, I even went and drank again the next day, but I left still intoxicated from the hospital. I ended up in the ER because I passed out at my girlfriend's house and her and her parents couldn't wake me up. When I drink, I basically chug vodka straight from the bottle. So yeah it's that bad.
Every time I drink I lie about it too, even though I don't remember doing it or why I do it. I mean it's so obvious when I'm drunk, but I guess when I am under the influence I think I can get away with it. I've tried lying to my girlfriend multiple times about being drunk. She doesn't deserve that and I am pretty much thin ice with her. We just love each other so much. I really don't want to be a drunk, and I hate how little things that bother me makes me upset or depressed the whole day or when I get bored has made me choose to drink.
I also have anxiety/panic issues for a long time. I have been on benzos
for like 5 years or so. I was first on Xanax, but then like 3 months ago switched to Klonopin. I have recently talked to a therapist and I agree with her that I need to get off the Klonopin, start on Campral, get back on Effexor which I am, and I will be doing an alcoholic/addiction group that meets for 3 hours a day, 4 days a week for 4 weeks.
I don't want to be like this anymore, and I just want to be off the booze forever because nothing good ever comes from it and just makes things much much worse. I have never gotten any professional help before, so I hope this plan will work. I don't want to lose my girlfriend, but at the same time I know I have to do this for myself. I mean if I went back to drinking the amount that I was drinking everyday like I was a few years ago which went on for a number of years, I won't live very many years. I also had problems with drugs in the past, but I haven't touched any drugs (mostly opiates and cocaine) for years.
I hope things can go back to the way they were like last summer before I ever relapsed. I just thought I would share this, and I guess I just want to hear from people I have a good plan right now. Thanks for reading
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi TReal,
Welcome back to the forum! It sounds like you are setting yourself up to succeed in living without alcohol. While none of us can rewind the clock to a place we used to be, we can all take the steps towards living a better life. Good on you! When does your support group start?
There is a lot of support here for you here on SR. Stick around as often as you can. You can do this.
**you are going to have to explain the location/avatar mismatch thingy going on there. Take your time. No judgment.
Welcome back to the forum! It sounds like you are setting yourself up to succeed in living without alcohol. While none of us can rewind the clock to a place we used to be, we can all take the steps towards living a better life. Good on you! When does your support group start?
There is a lot of support here for you here on SR. Stick around as often as you can. You can do this.
**you are going to have to explain the location/avatar mismatch thingy going on there.
Take your time. No judgment. Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome back TReal
I think many of us have issues that we drank for...depression and anxiety were biggies with me too.
Unfortunately I drank so hard and so long I also became an alcoholic on top of the other issues.
I think a really good recovery plan will tackle both the depression and anxiety, and the drinking.
D
I think many of us have issues that we drank for...depression and anxiety were biggies with me too.
Unfortunately I drank so hard and so long I also became an alcoholic on top of the other issues.
I think a really good recovery plan will tackle both the depression and anxiety, and the drinking.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: La Crosse, WI
Posts: 15
Thanks. I think a lot of my drinking comes from the anxiety or depression. When I drink I just want to shut down and escape reality. If I get back to where I am happy all the time, I think that will get rid of the bad feelings and want to drink. Hopefully the Campral will cut the cravings, weening off the Klonopin will help so instead of always being under the influence of a benzo I will be clear headed, and the group will help me with like stuff like realizing what I am doing wrong. Also I need to keep busy and get out of the house, even if it's just for part of the day. I can't just sit at home all day bored out of my mind. I gotta go for walks or whatever, it doesn't matter. I can't just stop either, because when I stop doing things and going back to my old ways, I relapse.
Actually yesterday I had a panic attack and had strong cravings to drink. Instead of going and buying a bottle, I talked to my dad about it and he helped talk me through it. After that I was fine and didn't want to drink. I know the longer I go without drinking, the easier it will get. I also have to stop going on Facebook on the weekends when you see posts about people partying and that because yes it does bother me right now. Before I relapsed the first time it never really bother me at all. I really think the anti-depressant really helped me. I have tons of support from friends and family. I have also cut out talking with any "friends" I had who just wanted to party, but weren't true friends. I actually did that awhile ago though. Hopefully I just stay positive and everything will work out
Actually yesterday I had a panic attack and had strong cravings to drink. Instead of going and buying a bottle, I talked to my dad about it and he helped talk me through it. After that I was fine and didn't want to drink. I know the longer I go without drinking, the easier it will get. I also have to stop going on Facebook on the weekends when you see posts about people partying and that because yes it does bother me right now. Before I relapsed the first time it never really bother me at all. I really think the anti-depressant really helped me. I have tons of support from friends and family. I have also cut out talking with any "friends" I had who just wanted to party, but weren't true friends. I actually did that awhile ago though. Hopefully I just stay positive and everything will work out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: La Crosse, WI
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Verte 
Hi TReal,
Welcome back to the forum! It sounds like you are setting yourself up to succeed in living without alcohol. While none of us can rewind the clock to a place we used to be, we can all take the steps towards living a better life. Good on you! When does your support group start?
There is a lot of support here for you here on SR. Stick around as often as you can. You can do this.
**you are going to have to explain the location/avatar mismatch thingy going on there. Take your time. No judgment.
Welcome back to the forum! It sounds like you are setting yourself up to succeed in living without alcohol. While none of us can rewind the clock to a place we used to be, we can all take the steps towards living a better life. Good on you! When does your support group start?
There is a lot of support here for you here on SR. Stick around as often as you can. You can do this.
**you are going to have to explain the location/avatar mismatch thingy going on there.
Take your time. No judgment. 
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 441
WElcome Treal - I can relate to what your feelings of anxiety. I found that in my case that drinking only made that worse. At first, it seems like drinking helps (and it will only for a bit) but the next day my anxiety was worse. It does take time for the anxiety to lessen.
I doubt anyone is happy everyday. I know I am not, but I am striving for happiness most of the time. I know that there will always be ups and downs because that is life. We have to learn to deal with those things sober and not run to the bottle every time something happens, whether that be good or bad things.
I've been sober now for around 5 months and my anxiety levels were normal with just minimal twinges now and then. But around the 4 month mark my anxiety ratcheted up to the point that I was considering drinking. I drank tea, I paced, I did all sorts of things to distract myself (I did not post here though because for some reason I didn't think anyone wanted to hear another whine about anxiety). This anxiety lasted for almost 3 weeks and I was in tears and thinking what's the point of sobriety if this is how I'm going to feel. And then suddenly it was gone. It's been well over a week now.
I also had to quit facebook a couple of years ago because I could not handle it or myself and only recently logged back in.
I guess my point to this post is that you are going to experience peaks and valleys on your journey. Reaching for the bottle is not the solution. I wish you much success.
CF
I doubt anyone is happy everyday. I know I am not, but I am striving for happiness most of the time. I know that there will always be ups and downs because that is life. We have to learn to deal with those things sober and not run to the bottle every time something happens, whether that be good or bad things.
I've been sober now for around 5 months and my anxiety levels were normal with just minimal twinges now and then. But around the 4 month mark my anxiety ratcheted up to the point that I was considering drinking. I drank tea, I paced, I did all sorts of things to distract myself (I did not post here though because for some reason I didn't think anyone wanted to hear another whine about anxiety). This anxiety lasted for almost 3 weeks and I was in tears and thinking what's the point of sobriety if this is how I'm going to feel. And then suddenly it was gone. It's been well over a week now.
I also had to quit facebook a couple of years ago because I could not handle it or myself and only recently logged back in.
I guess my point to this post is that you are going to experience peaks and valleys on your journey. Reaching for the bottle is not the solution. I wish you much success.
CF
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: La Crosse, WI
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Calicofish
WElcome Treal - I can relate to what your feelings of anxiety. I found that in my case that drinking only made that worse. At first, it seems like drinking helps (and it will only for a bit) but the next day my anxiety was worse. It does take time for the anxiety to lessen.
I doubt anyone is happy everyday. I know I am not, but I am striving for happiness most of the time. I know that there will always be ups and downs because that is life. We have to learn to deal with those things sober and not run to the bottle every time something happens, whether that be good or bad things.
I've been sober now for around 5 months and my anxiety levels were normal with just minimal twinges now and then. But around the 4 month mark my anxiety ratcheted up to the point that I was considering drinking. I drank tea, I paced, I did all sorts of things to distract myself (I did not post here though because for some reason I didn't think anyone wanted to hear another whine about anxiety). This anxiety lasted for almost 3 weeks and I was in tears and thinking what's the point of sobriety if this is how I'm going to feel. And then suddenly it was gone. It's been well over a week now.
I also had to quit facebook a couple of years ago because I could not handle it or myself and only recently logged back in.
I guess my point to this post is that you are going to experience peaks and valleys on your journey. Reaching for the bottle is not the solution. I wish you much success.
CF
I doubt anyone is happy everyday. I know I am not, but I am striving for happiness most of the time. I know that there will always be ups and downs because that is life. We have to learn to deal with those things sober and not run to the bottle every time something happens, whether that be good or bad things.
I've been sober now for around 5 months and my anxiety levels were normal with just minimal twinges now and then. But around the 4 month mark my anxiety ratcheted up to the point that I was considering drinking. I drank tea, I paced, I did all sorts of things to distract myself (I did not post here though because for some reason I didn't think anyone wanted to hear another whine about anxiety). This anxiety lasted for almost 3 weeks and I was in tears and thinking what's the point of sobriety if this is how I'm going to feel. And then suddenly it was gone. It's been well over a week now.
I also had to quit facebook a couple of years ago because I could not handle it or myself and only recently logged back in.
I guess my point to this post is that you are going to experience peaks and valleys on your journey. Reaching for the bottle is not the solution. I wish you much success.
CF
Yeah when I wrote I want to be happy all the time, I guess I didn't mean to say all the time. Obviously no one is happy all the time, and I know that I just have to deal with things the right way when I am anxious or feeling down. I just want it so that one little thing doesn't upset me the entire day, and make me run for the bottle. I have faith that it will work out. I'm tired of running for the bottle, and it's time for me to grow up. Thank you, and I wish you much success too
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi there. Sounds like you've had a rough go but are finding your way back to more solid footing.
I struggled for a long time with drinking and anxiety and panic attacks. They fed each other. I think I self medicated the depression and then as my alcoholism progressed I started having massive anxiety and panic attacks as I went through withdrawal. Now that I haven't been drinking I only get anxiety if I'm drinking too much caffeine on an empty stomach and smoking.
I hope that you find similar relief. I think it's great that you reached out here and to your dad. Keep going.
I struggled for a long time with drinking and anxiety and panic attacks. They fed each other. I think I self medicated the depression and then as my alcoholism progressed I started having massive anxiety and panic attacks as I went through withdrawal. Now that I haven't been drinking I only get anxiety if I'm drinking too much caffeine on an empty stomach and smoking.
I hope that you find similar relief. I think it's great that you reached out here and to your dad. Keep going.
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